What if you woke up tomorrow as Jeff Kaplan?

General Discussion
21

Figure out a way to switch back to my original body.

3 Likes
22

Bust into the doors, start fixing a lot of the game’s issues for Overwatch 2. Use it as an excuse to make the game a true esport rather than the Brawl of Smash Bros.

1 Like
23

You sound rather whiny, especially considering what Jeff’s salary must be.

But gratitude needs maturity

24

I would go around his house analyzing the best places to film dev updates

2 Likes
25

If I were Jeff, I’d completely ruin the game with the following changes:

  • D.Va’s mech can crouch
  • Torbjorn’s hammer can heal mechanical things, like Wrecking Ball and Bastion
  • Reaper has a grenade launcher as his M2
  • When Wrecking Ball is destroyed, Hammond pops out and has to charge up a new one
  • Symmetra and Torbjorn now have “build wheels” which they can select objects to build from
  • Doomfist has no CC, but his abilities have cooldowns of only 1 second
  • Pharah can move and gains shields when using her ultimate
  • Sigma can actually fly, and doesn’t fall off of cliffs
  • All characters have special kill lines if they kill themselves
  • Mercy can actually fly, and doesn’t fall off of cliffs
  • When crashing into people, Wrecking Ball makes bowling pin noises
  • Zenyatta can actually fly, and doesn’t fall off of cliffs
  • Ana has to switch between darts to heal her team and damage enemies
  • Hanzo has a quiver, which he has to reload
  • All characters get a passive movement ability. Even Bastion.
  • When D.Va or Wrecking Ball get de-meched, the explosion can hurt enemies, like with Junkrat’s bombs
  • When using self destruct, D.Va can shoot the mech mid-air to detonate it early
  • Mama Hong is Hero 33, period
  • So many more…
5 Likes
26

Go back to sleep.

I can hardly live from day to day basis, what makes you think I’d do any good as a Game Director?

1 Like
27

Oh I don’t think, I know :star_struck:

28

Contact Jeff to see if he’s at my old home.

Apologize for the squalor in which I live.

Try to figure out which of us offended the gypsy fortune teller and try to see if there is a solution that doesn’t involve a blood-filled pie.

If there is no solution I do the only equitable thing. I divorce Jeff’s wife so she can be with John/Jeff and start casting fishing lines to cute girls at Blizzard events. Being Jeff has to be good for something, damnit!

Also I change Dva’s voice line to “buff this!” in the hopes that the hurting will finally stop.

4 Likes
29

best balance patch ever.

3 Likes
30

I’d increase my metal leaf decoration collection and grow in power!!

3 Likes
31

wait, about the passive movement abilities, what are some examples?
also, how much hp does hammond have?
also, do the build wheels involve shield gen and stuff? (nerfed, of course)

1 Like
32

You have too much faith in me.

33

Probably implement all this stuff

1 Like
34

you’re allergic to the 10% of cucumber thats not water? lol

35

I’d shave, read all the confidential information about the future of Overwatch, OWL and get a hold of Blizzard files…

THEN EXPOSE THEM ALL!!!

:v: :rofl:

5 Likes
36

oh, i’d also get the phone numbies of the devs and give myself access to higher up stuff so i can experiment with balance by meself.

4 Likes
37

Nah I just hate this community. And the ones that frequents on r/destinythegame and r/destiny2 as well.

Yes, he makes a lot of money, but I am also prone to anger. So I am staying the hell away from any “Community Director” or “Game Director” job for my own sake.

38

Go into deep depression for having aged rapidly.

4 Likes
39

BUAAHAUAH

1 Like
40

Cosplay as Gordon Freeman from Half Life.

Of course, I need to find resources & method to make a HEV suit or simply just wear a scientist uniform and then equip a crowbar.

1 Like