Top 10 Joke Patch Notes FEB 2024 šŸ˜

PC General Discussion
1

Continuation of my not real and totally made up joke patch notes series.
It is FEB 1 somewhere so this post is valid!

1] Fixed an issue where enemies could see charge was on your hotbar and got scared to death.

2] Construct AI has been improved to only lag behind the player by 1 screen instead of 2.

3] Fixed an issue where cosmetic portals in the shop would teleport your character to Blizzard HQ and hire you as a dev. They will now be hired as CMs.

4] Fixed an issue where rogues were not automatically disarming all traps around them in close range because of their rogueyness.

5] Fixed an issue where the occultist was getting too rich and hired goons to shake down other NPCs.

6] Fixed an issue where scrolls of amnesia worked too well, and we forgot to add them back into season 3.

7] Goblins can no longer nest in players storage and eat their items. If you ever had an item lost in this way, we apologize but we cannot retrieve it unless you are a shop VIP.

8] Fixed an issue where meteors triggered from Starfall Coronet would get stuck in the sky or ceilings of dungeons / vaults.

9] Players picking necromancer will now need to click yes on a confirmation window.

10] Because of server constraints skipping the campaign is now only available with the premium battle pass.

I think this list is decent. Maybe I am back to form???

:heart_eyes: you guys and gals. Please post your thoughts. Esp you Bob.

------------------------------------------PREVIOUS WORKS-----------------------------------------------

Top 10 JOKE Patch notes from S30 circa 2031 - PC General Discussion - Diablo IV Forums (blizzard.com)

15 Likes
2

I thought jokes were supposed to be funny.

8 Likes
3

Iā€™d make some sarcastic response about your reply but I like your username too much.

4

which form are you refering to?

are you going to post daily suggestion essays again noone agrees or cares about?

2 Likes
5

I feel the necro patch note

6

Previously, patch 1.3.1 was a patch with rich content.

After reading, I found that the content is really rich, almost all of which are fixing a variety of bugs.

This is just a joke.

7

:sob: :sob: :sob: :sob: :sob: :sob:

1 Like
8

Your one liner is better than the other attempt at humor.

1 Like
9

Hah! Love it!

do more!

2 Likes
10

1/6/9 made me smileā€¦ So good work :slight_smile:

1 Like
11

I like 6 and 9 :slight_smile: :+1:

1 Like
12

I thought they were pretty goodā€¦ People on these forums are sooo mean sometimes. Could you imagine if they were brave enough to say that stuff to a personā€™s face?! They would would just be terrible grumpy old meanies. lol

1 Like
13

Picking Necromancer should be like picking Claptrap on Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. You click on him, and it gives you a confirmation window. Then it gives you another confirmation window, listing all of his shortcomings and play difficulties. Then it gives you an ā€œOK, we warned youā€ confirmation window. :smile:

1 Like
14

You missed 1.

To balance classes: when Barb uses Charge, the player will be charged on their credit card for every click.

2 Likes
15

It takes zero bravery to to say someone isnā€™t funny to their face. Itā€™s one of the easiest things to do.

1 Like
17

Never been to a comedy show where a new unknown comedian comes on stage have you? Itā€™s pretty brutal if that person is just not funny. Trust me when I say the crowd does not hold back.

18

speaking about the feb 1st patch notes, have they vanished, cause i dont see it on blizztracker anymore

edit

found them on X

19

Also found by just clicking news on the very forum youā€™re using. I feel like you drove to the store when you already had milk at home.

20

Blizzard has a history of releasing joke patchnews, adds or other stuff for Aprilā€™s Fool, and they are usually hilarious, sorry, but this here is an amateur attempt, had to chuckle a couple of times, but better leave it to Blizz. :wink:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I108qr5MOE

21

Falls flat, doesnā€™t it?