TOP 10 Joke Patch Notes DEC 2023 😜

Jokes based on the state of the game DEC 2023!

Goes without saying but none of these are actual patch notes!!!

  1. Fixed an issue where Ball Lightning was killing enemies by Sorcs thinking about casting Ball Lightning.

  2. Hammer of the Ancients skill name is now correctly shown as Hammertime and has the additional power to occasionally summon MC Hammer for 7 seconds. MC Hammer dance casts the skill Cant Touch This making you and him invulnerable for 3 seconds. Any monsters MC hammer collides with are knocked down for 2 seconds.

  3. Ultra Hardcore has been added to the game. Dying in ultra hardcore deletes your entire Blizzard account.

  4. Fixed an issue where cosmetic items were not gray enough.

  5. After 33 rolls on one item the Occultist is now updated to start charging you blood. Not blood from season but actual vials of physical blood you have to send to Blizzard.
    1 vial is enough for 100 more rolls across your account though so good value.

  6. Fixed an issue where Umbral rings would not drop for characters that had an Umbral ring in their storage, equipped on a character, or defeated an Umbral Hulk in D & D.

  7. Corpse bow targeting has been updated so they no longer shoot you offscreen and instead can shoot you 2-4 screens away depending on if they are normal, elite or boss.

  8. Adding a slot to armor or jewelry is no longer 100% guaranteed and has a chance to succeed depending on your renown in that area.

  9. Fixed an issue where Uber items were not dropping for character names starting with a vowel or y unless they were Streamers.

  10. Updated the Caravan Under Siege event so less enemies spawn as players were getting overwhelmed.

Funny? Fav one? Least fav one? I could try to do one of these a month!

I :heart: you peeps!

32 Likes

Why do you waste so much time creating pointless posts like this is beyond me

10 Likes

Come on you dint even have one laugh?

Pointless post? Harsh.

Want to be a meanie instead? Why?

I have lots of time to kill at work!

Y u no like???

9 Likes

I bet you’re really fun at parties.

Smh.

Seriously? You’re gonna get on someone for making a post other than someone whining about some random aspect of the game?

Lighten up francis.

13 Likes

Sounds like you need a hug

The thing is, game state is so bad, that jokes sound redundant… Even developer team does better than you… Jk.

Ugh, that’s my problem. I named my character Yarako, it starts with a Y.

Originally I thought it had something to do with the fact that the new boss loop is so boring I could only bother to go like 10 times, but I like this answer better.

I knew it… Blizzard’s fault!

4 Likes

It’s a harmless post, there’ve been far worse posts on here that instigate controversy amongst players, this one is just throw away jokes. You also have the option to not read it, ignore the poster, or never visit the forums again. Also if you scroll to the bottom of a post where it shows the tracking options you can click on the drop down menu and hit “Mute” and you’ll never see the post again.

It took you more time to complain about a post then it would’ve to just ignore it. I mean you do you buddy.

2 Likes

this would make me play HotA all the time! haha love it

*oh great now I have that darn song in my head! hahaha

1 Like

But it’s the same guy that makes a bunch of stupid posts.

1 Like

People like you are going to make this guy think he is funny so now he will post even more. Way to go.

1 Like

You must be new to the forums, Urza is an avid positive poster on the forums who has made more suggestion posts for content then any other person on here. Now I don’t agree with most of their suggestions, but I respect the fact they’re willing to throw them out there and debate with feedback about their own posts. If they want to make a throw away post about a joke patch so be it. It doesn’t hurt anyone, you take a look, ignore it, move on.

5 Likes

You offering?
7more.

1 Like

I will take a joke post that may or may not be funny versus the 474895953723637281924 posts complaining about loot filters, game difficulty or gated content any day of the week and twice on sunday.

3 Likes

i d change that to 666 rolles acount wide before it charges blood xd

CAN’T TOUCH THIS!

DA NANANA! DA NA! DANA!

:hammer: :hammer: :hammer:

2 Likes

This was funny! The Hammertime line got me thinking about Weird Al’s version “Cant Watch This”! Looking forward to Jan.

1 Like

Oh the memories this phrase brings back :rofl::joy:

1 Like

Perfection.

Now that’s a bad idea! Subtle.

Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing about you.