Find yourself a good guild. Which sounds like “Yeah whatever” but it’s literally the problem.
MMO’s have never been about the game. There’s fun in competing with friends, or doing crazy things with odd builds that rely on your skill or dumb luck, but unless you have a group of people around who who care enough to cheer, laugh, or poke fun at you, it’s not fun.
MMO’s have always been about the group of people you play with. The small tight-knit guild community, the larger server community with personalities trading barbs in trade chat, then helping out with each other’s alt runs. The most important part of MMORPG is the “Multiplayer” part.
Discord for all it’s benefits, takes the conversation out of the game. It expands the conversation to a dozen different places unrelated to your in-game character, with class discords, streamer discords, and a bunch of others unrelated to your server, your guild or your character. It’s a good tool, but it shouldn’t be the primary interaction source for an MMO. It’s super useful, but the slower pace of the old phpBB2/3 forums meant people moved back into the game to ‘just chat’.
When it comes to the “meta”, the problem is that people don’t have a social circle around them in game, to have fun, so they latch on to those other elements and say “If I can succeed at that, I’ll have fun!”, and so people focus on the meta, focus on their DPS numbers, focus on all the things they can quantify because the social interaction is lacking.
When I came back to WoW for classic, I decided to look for a good guild first, and not a high performance sweaty-edge guild. Because I wanted a group of people around me that would be there for the fun, good times, and most of all stick together because we had them. By and large, the same people who were in the guild at the start of TBC form the core of the guild at the end of TBC. We might not have the server first progression, but we’re still raiding every week while other guilds ahead of us have disbanded or “Raid paused”, because they’re struggling against the roster boss as people quit or move elsewhere.
If you want WoW to be fun, you have to focus on finding your tribe. Not on finding your top DPS build.