Again, I suspect you’re superimposing your politics over the more likely reality that people who violated the forum rules were sanctioned and those who didn’t weren’t.
If they are made in my presence then I am also an aggrieved party. If someone wants to limit the potential aggrieved party to you then they need to do it in private between the two of you. In public, anyone who is offended in their own interest is an aggrieved party. I don’t pay a subscription fee to have people freely using racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. language in public areas. It doesn’t have to be directed at me for me to find it unacceptable. While the targeted party certainly has a greater cause for offense if they choose to be offended, that doesn’t remove my right to my own reaction.
You don’t have to adopt any role. If someone says something horrific to you and you decide it’s not worth it, great. Go on with your day. But if they say it around me, I may not be willing to tolerate it in my community, and that’s between me, the person, and the sanctioning authority. You’re not involved anymore. You abdicated your involvement when you chose to let it be.
It’s not self contradictory, but the idea may be a little too complex for you.
Someone’s perception of something doesn’t necessarily make it true. Especially when people are trying to help explain why they are misperceiving it and they insist on digging in their heels and doubling down on a faulty perception.