So… if someone were to call you stupid because they genuinely believe you to be stupid, that wouldn’t be insulting? They weren’t trying to insult you, they believed they were just accurately describing you. You wouldn’t be maybe a little insulted?
2 Likes
That is not how insults work. An insult is based on the view of the receiver. That YOU would not find it insulting is not part of the equation.
Intent comes into play only when the receiver determines what they might like to do about the insult.
A 4 year old walks up to me in the park and tells me that I am very old and ugly. That might even be true, but it is also insulting. We don’t say things like that to people. What would I do about the insult? Nothing - the child is 4 and does not yet realize that saying things like that is not socially acceptable.
An adult does that, I am certainly going to tell them they are rude, and avoid spending any time around them. If they were a friend, they likely would not be getting invited to hang out again.
8 Likes
Some people are stupid. I’ve been stupid before, and I’m sure you think it of me now because you disagree with me.
I don’t care, and I wouldn’t be insulted. It’s what you think. Think what you want.
Boom, exactly. This is the problem.
It no longer matters the intentions of the person, it now matters how the person receives it.
I can consider anything and everything an insult by your logic. It matters only what the receiver believes… that’s a problem.
Maybe. But that doesn’t mean you have to say so.
Educate, without belittling them in the process.
6 Likes
It has always mattered how the person receives the dialog.
It NEVER changed.
The fact is, it doesn’t matter whether the remark is taken as an insult or not from the person giving the comment. That’s being a bully.
to all!
7 Likes
The funny thing is, I’ve said worse things on the forums. I’d have been okay with then banning me for some other things… sometimes you get heated, and say dumb things to people… it happens.
If they’d have banned me for something else I’d probably understand…
But saying “Dense”… I mean, come on… that’s pretty ridiculous!
I don’t know what to tell you, Harsh. I normally would say imagine you are talking to a teacher or your grandmother and structure how you speak based on that. However, it is an unfortunate truth that people speak a lot more aggressively and I can’t predict how you would speak with either of those. We are looking for societal norms, not how you in particular may function.
Saying “I don’t think you understand my meaning” is a lot different from “you are being dense”. There is also the fact that not agreeing with someone is a good deal different from not understanding what they are saying.
Yes, technically anything can be considered insulting, but it is based on a reasonable expectation of what is commonly found to be insulting, not necessarily what you specifically do.
You may not be insulted if someone were to call you stupid, but the fact of the matter is, it is a disparaging comment. That is the difference. That you are personally offended is irrelevant. Is the comment disparaging? Challenging someone’s intelligence or comprehension skills would be.
14 Likes
And if that had been reported, it’s likely you would’ve been penalized for that, too. The fact that you haven’t been reported yet doesn’t mean that calling someone dense is okay, too.
3 Likes
Actually, no… that’s where I disagree. Dense is short hand for “you don’t understand”.
You just want me to fully type out what I’m meaning I guess?
That’s where the forum contexts comes into play. I was arguing that PvP events didn’t give enough renown.
People that NEVER do Arena’s or BG’s responded saying it was fine. I was arguing that they’re not seeing it from a PvP’ers perspective, and I was correct in saying that.
They actually said that PvP isn’t even a real part of the game… They CLEARLY weren’t seeing it from my point of view, so YES they were being dense, meaning slow to see my point of view.
You’re right, I’m not. I was taught Sticks and Stones…
Like I said, I’d have been fine with some other posts being flagged, whatever.
I disagree with the “dense” is an insult, is what this whole thing is about. I should have typed out “you’re slow to understand” than said Dense… okay will do next time!
The issue with that adage is that it doesn’t make it okay for the kid to keep calling you names. Just that you’re not letting it get to you.
How about what I suggested earlier? Because guess what, saying someone is slow is still an insult, however mild.
Instead, try, “You may not be interpreting this the way I meant.”
3 Likes
I mean, okay? I can be a little nicer I guess? I should take more time to ensure I don’t upset anyone with my responses.
This whole thing is really petty… can we at least agree on that?
I agree that the overall discussion should have been entirely unnecessary and shouldn’t have happened at all. But that’s because I believe that you should have realized that your language was disparaging and not have used it.
However, you’re saying that the silence is petty, and I disagree. I think this has been quite educating for you.
6 Likes
Or disagreeing with the relevance of it, which they are welcome to do. If someone isn’t seeing your point of view that isn’t intended to be a challenge to convince them of how wrong they are. Telling them they lack comprehension or intelligence, regardless of how you wish to phrase it, isn’t necessary.
You also disagree that if someone were to call you stupid you wouldn’t see it as an insult, so we’re working from different thresholds. Saying you are slow to understand is a long version of saying you are being dense.
This is where we may be fundamentally misaligned, Harsh, because I do fully believe that words can do a great deal of harm. That our words matter, as is how we treat other people, including those anonymous ones on the internet.
11 Likes
Harsh/Virtus,
I would encourage you to take a step back and look at this dialogue you and Vrak have had in this thread. You two are on very different sides of this issue. And yet, you both have not disparaged each other, insulted each other, or otherwise devolved into trolling.
It’s exceedingly rare to see a thread with 75 comments, multiple back and forths with a Blue poster, across multiple characters to not be locked already. Do you see how it works? Two people having a calm, rational discussion without calling each other “dense” or “stupid”.
As you move forward in other forums, just imagine that the people you are responding to are Blue posters. You’re doing fine in here. If they start devolving into insults, then report them, or simply don’t respond to them.
3 Likes
First I never said, nor implied they lacked “Intelligence” in that forum post.
And I disagree with that… The very reason for discussion is to change or attempt to change someone’s view point. (this is for both parties)
Why else have a conversation?
You, yourself are attempting to change my mind, otherwise you wouldn’t have responded in the first place. Again this is the very reason for a discussion.
You want to convince me, I’m wrong. Are you not?
But you said earlier that I could type out they’re being slow to understand instead of saying “dense” and that would have been okay?
Did you change your mind?
So now saying someone is dense is some terrible way to treat people on the internet. I’m such a horrible person for saying dense. Excuse me why I ask God for forgiveness…
I jest of course, but it seems to me you’re being very disingenuous right now. You’re talking to me (and others are like this in this forum), like you’re some saints that are extremely careful with your words. It’s not always true, no doubt.
What I said wasn’t even close to bad… certainly not worthy of a ban.
EDIT: Ugh, can’t spell or type today…
I’m talking to him the same way I talk to 99% of the forums.
You’re actually not. You’re being more aggressive than Vrak, but that is not a violation, in and of itself.
Vrak went through your history and showed where you have injected personal insults. You have not done that here. Keep that energy with you when you post in other forums.
Respond, debate, discuss. Even disagree, be aggressive in your tone, etc. Don’t stoop to personal insults.
4 Likes