Get out Lucille and club him.
Grab my glock and show him what a big mistake he made
That would be less messy than using Lucille (Baseball bat wrapped in Barb Wire)ā¦ lol
/roll for initiative
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Niceā¦OMG a nat 1! I am screwed.
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I say to the robber,
YOOOOOO did you get his TV and his playstation 4?
NIIIIICEEEEE letās play!!!
That depends on what room either way it would be his last venture.
Are you so rich that he wouldnāt need to rob anyone after you? Or do you own a katana and watch a lot of anime? 
I roll to seduce him, of course.
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HOJ then keep him as a friend Misery style.
It depends. There is a linear relationship between how hot she is, ans how much ill let her tie me up and take my stuff.
If itās a female orc or troll, Iām probably gonna have to fight her.
If its a female dwarf, gnome, or goblin, wellā¦ They can take all they wantā¦
theyāve already stolen my heartā¦
Lick their face.
Is he even aware of my tiny gnomish form sleeping under the enormous pillow fort? Anyway, I let my pet Spot deal with him and continue to sleep.
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Stab him with one of my many hidden knives throughout the room.
Provided that my dogs havenāt mortally wounded them, probably shoot them.
Grab one of my various crutches, or canes, and hit him right in the knees like the Italian I am. Then call the cops.
Laugh at them and tell them to try another house.
Thereās nothing worth stealing here.
i smash his head in with dumbells until there is nothing left
wonder how i didnāt hear them break down the door. then we wait for the police to take them into custody as i hold them at gunpoint and talk to the 911 dispatcher.
I use my integrated mind control device and guide him down the ladder of the hole in my shop basement, then remove the ladder.
āIt rubs the machine oil on its skin!ā