How come im not at war yet?

Please tell me there’s str8 online battle net i don’t have to buy or purchase hardware for?

You could use some device with access to internet, like PC, Laptop, or even a phone [don’t you guys have phones?].

Games like Starcraft, Hearthstone, Heroes of the Storm, you should be able to play without buying anything, just download Battle.net from website.

or stay away and keep your sanity high

I though I heard something? It must have been wind.