I am so worried somebody new is going to come here looking for forum advice and take all of these seriously. Protip, dont feed into my fears.
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Don’t worry. New players usually don’t look up for tricks in the forum. They only come here to complain and leave the forum after exactly one post.
You are the very welcome exception.
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Try to land skillshots from within bushes
hehe
The best way to play the game is by brawling mid and ignore everything else.
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Not you. Post was linked to another user
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Ah, my bad.
Sorry for my intentionally passive-aggressive comment!
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Protip: don’t kill the enemy core, get a camp instead, so the match is won’t be over too soon and your team gains slightly more xp.
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The goal of the game is not to kill the core, but to get the announcer to say “HERO OF THE STORM”
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I smiled so its fine 
That explains why 90% of the players fail to see a win condition🤔
You see, the important thing about playing Stitches isn’t skilled hooks or gorges. It’s getting to 20 and throwing literally anything in order to eat all 5 enemy teammates at once.
Blame me for any loss you incur.
I can take the responsibility for those that fail to see the bigger picture and choose to blame.
Blame me before you accuse my teammates of which are all trying their best please.
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This sounds religious to me 
It’s not
It’s more because I get upset at online bullying and the finger pointing game
I’d rather people project their insecurities on me than my teammates
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The meaning of life is eating 5 people with Stitches then portaling with Medivh inside your fort
Genji: Once you hit 13 don’t use auto attacks, shingan deals more DPS
Zeratul: If the enemy team has spell armor, take every single auto attack talent.
General: Only go for suicide kills if your team has a lead, and make sure to die as slowly as possible once you kill your target to waste time.
If you kill yourself as Chen you have a shorter respwan timer kappa