Why do guys do this?

[Kâtarn-emerald-dream]

Wait is this not Second Life? I’ve been lied to.

[Locûtus-kelthuzad]

@Bukara-uther

I’d say look again, but first take really hard look in the mirror.

I waited until I was in my 30s before I managed to maintain a relationship for more than four months. Quite a bit more than I want to admit was me thinking I wanted something that really didn’t attract me or complement me because it was “flashy,” “fancy,” or was “required.” Once I was honest with myself on what I really wanted in a relationship, and started looking in the right places to find women with those qualities, I met my wife within six months.

While each of us is our own human, you are probably drawing the extreme solution based on a singular, and not representative, experience that had significant impacts on your psyche. You have to keep trying unless you just want to give up on life.

Oh, that episode is just a subset of all my bad experiences. I have some good experiences too. Just brief as it should be.

And don’t worry. I’m not giving up on life. Ever. I am confident that you do want to be with someone not because of attraction but that person makes you happy if you be with this person for long term… Like your wife.

@Tessaria-ravenholdt

Honey, I feel like your two bad experiences in the past really shaped you because they sound like they shook you up. I would not take that as any kind of weakness or emotional peculiarity or problem at all on your part. Who knows why they rejected you, and who cares—whatever reasons they gave probably were not even their real reasons since usually people do not admit (or even know consciously) what their real reasons are.

So first, please feel confident in yourself as a man, because from how you write you are clearly smart, thoughtful, and look like you have a lot to offer to a woman. I feel like you were kind of beaten-down and that is tough to handle when those are your experiences at first.

I also feel like you tried to handle things well by talking with her afterwards, even though she did not wish to take part in that. I can understand why she would not wish to (feelings and all that, not wishing to get caught up in the moment, or whatever), but even though she had lost attraction by that point, that is fine. You were trying to speak with her to move on, and you did, in a different way than expected, accomplish that mission’s goal, which is still a success.

I feel like telling yourself a relationship is not worth it in this day and age is kind of self-defeating and is a negative, untrue thought that is holding you down and keeping you from feeling happy. You can be a fully confident man by knowing that, yes, while many—even most—women may not be worth having a relationship with, you can still find the right one for you. After all, you only need to find one , and there are billions of options on this planet!

When you say that you are “not fit to be in that situation in the first place”, meaning a relationship, that may be partially true. You may need to work on yourself first and come to terms with yourself and who you are, and love yourself. I know that sounds cheesy but that is the truth. You must accept yourself for what you are, both flaws and strengths, and I feel if you take a good look at yourself and examine your life, you will find you have a lot more strengths than flaws anyway. Once you accept and love yourself, you will easily find a woman willing and ready to share that joy with you, too.

Oh, those two bad experiences were the subsets of my overall experience. I’ve yet to talk about the difficult relationships I’ve had with some girls afterwards and before that’s not even romantic in any way. I’m just presenting those two as the most personally notorious examples of how people, regardless of gender, can be jerks no matter what their reasons can be.

And sure, we all make mistakes. I find some mistakes are inexcusable that I have a bad habit of not forgiving myself but whatever. It is what it is.

While my time with this girl comes to an end, I am actually kind of bittersweet about it. God knows what I would do if I see her again as she was incredibly biased against me with no respects. But hey, if I can vanquish that once, I can do so again.

There is an internal conflict that I have, the mind says no but something else says yes. A relationship will be worth it on the long run. A younger self in me reminds me so. So yes, while my mind and experiences disagrees with you, my heart agrees with you.

I’m quite optimistic of myself and confident that I will be much better off. It’s just only a matter of time. If I do find one, I’ll never take her for granted and do everything that I can to make her happy since my single life is so long and stagnant, it’s painful.

Just I hope whomever I am in relationship with just doesn’t take advantage of it or lie to me about something serious, that would make me really upset.

[Bukara-uther]

@Sinfel-illidan

@Caelus-proudmoore

Why you treating women like they’re just items and not how they should be treated as?

Friends.

Men and women can only be friends under very rare and specific circumstances.

Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is lying to you and themselves.

Men and women can very easily be friends in most circumstances.

What causes problems is how the rest of their social circles, and their significant others, perceive the friendship beyond the reality.

[Galassin-stormrage]

i think ‘boys’ think they can get something from you. the fantasy of ‘dating’ you. the ability to flirt with you in game, etc. once they find out you’re unavailable, you no longer provide that ‘extra’. if they liked you as you, then they wouldn’t stop talking to you. it wouldn’t matter.

boys grow up into men, and then that stuff doesn’t even cross their mind. us ‘men’, know this is a game, and we’re here to play a game. plenty of my guildmates are women. they are all in a relationship of some kind. i talk to them as much as i did when i found out they were married. it doesnt matter.

this is the same in real life. boys will always prioritize women that are available.

that’s my take. if it bothers you, then i guess try to weed out the children lol.

edit:
im 33 so i’d say anyone under the age of 25 will act this way? probably lol.

[Angrave-bleeding-hollow]

I cant speak for everyone, only from my experiences and lifestyle that I’ve lived that this is totally doable without specific rules of engagement

@Bukara-uther

What causes problems is how the rest of their social circles, and their significant others, perceive the friendship beyond the reality.

Fully agreed

[Staryu-antonidas (Staryu)]

Please gurl. U luv the attention.

[Xyrtran-medivh]

yeah I guess…

havent posted the same thing in a while lets post it again…

[Sinfel-illidan (Sinfel)]

Maybe but the thirst will always be there, buried in the back of your mind.

It might be subtle but it’s there. It’s just how humans work.

[Caelus-proudmoore (Caelus)]

@Sinfel-illidan

Men and women can only be friends under very rare and specific circumstances.

Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is lying to you and themselves.

Every man I associate myself with, I am friends with. It’s not rare, you just have a really bad take on the world, and maybe some issues with viewing women as people worthy of equal respect.

[Sinfel-illidan (Sinfel)]

Acquaintances=/=real friends.

And why would I not view them equally? Because I don’t lie to myself?

[Caelus-proudmoore (Caelus)]

@Sinfel-illidan

Acquaintances=/=real friends.

No, I used the word friends on purpose. I talk to these men daily. We enjoy having conversations about video games, hanging out as a friend group, joking and laughing with eachother, etc. We’re friends. Again, it’s not rare, it sounds like you have a personal deficit.

[Sinfel-illidan (Sinfel)]

Deep down you know what they really want. It might be unspoken but it’s there.

[Voromiir-proudmoore]

Truly, it can be a respect thing, but as a guy, i’ve never understood it myself. People, we just wanna play WoW, just play.

[Caelus-proudmoore (Caelus)]

@Sinfel-illidan

Deep down you know what they really want. It might be unspoken but it’s there.

All you’re doing here is telling on yourself. Other men don’t think like you do.

[Sinfel-illidan (Sinfel)]

Yes they do lol.

Iv never met one who didn’t.

Some are just really good at hiding it.

[Locûtus-kelthuzad]

-Grabs a -

[Angrave-bleeding-hollow]

Wow, you truly believe that all men ar really that salacious

I’m so sorry

[Caelus-proudmoore (Caelus)]

@Sinfel-illidan

Yes they do lol.

Iv never met one who didn’t.

Some are just really good at hiding it.

Can the other men in this thread speak up and let us know if you secretly lust for every woman you call a friend?

[Grioghar-drakkari]

Because their fantasy is to date you. When you tell them that you have boyfriend the reality slaps their face.
Beta behavior

[Thèón-emerald-dream (Thèón)]

@Sinfel-illidan

Some are just really good at hiding it

Or we just, y’know, don’t think that way.