The State of You

I have confidence in you! Vanquish your foes and seize what is yours!

…sorry if that’s a little weird, I’m not super experienced at giving pep talks.

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This is officially the best pep talk ever

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Been screwin’ around with haiku! It’s been pretty therapological while we’re circlin’ the drain. Coupla shots:

spider in my sink
I ain’t gonna bother you
please wash the dishes

I tried Valorant
reminds me of Overwatch
at one-quarter speed

Monster Hunter is
going to be a movie
why does God hate us

hello there Karen
put on a mask already
cover up that sneer

poor fragile Karen
if you can’t follow the rules
please GTFO

wear a mask Karen
if I die from the Covid
I’ll haunt your cellphone

self-absorbed Kevin
your wife Karen just stormed out
you deserve that witch

I feel more relaxed already!

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I’m actually doing alot better then I was

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i am not great.

On the topic of Covid, well, I work in a resort town in a hotel restaurant. It is frustrating, because my town is extremely busy with tourists who think it is a great idea to travel for pleasure during a pandemic. Every business is also critically understaffed from a combination of food workers who were laid off in march choosing to remain on unemployment rather than risk it working (not criticizing those people, I so, so wish that had been an option for me) and the fact that we typically rely heavily on seasonal international workers who are no longer allowed to travel here. So I’m overworked and have to be in a building with crowds of people from far away every day. There have been some people I worked with who tested positive.

Pandemic aside 2020 is also a bad year for me because it is the first year of my 30s. and I guess I hoped I’d, like… be less of a complete loser failure by this point in my life? I barely make any money at the aforementioned hotel cook job which I hate. I have never really had any real-life relationships or friendships and I only interact with others on random internet forums and stuff. Every day I just go to work and then go home to sit in front of my computer. Everything feels empty and the feeling of being such a failure is really painful. As you get older it gets harder and harder to believe that this is just temporary and life will eventually get better, and now that I’m not young anymore it just seems like this is what life is.

I guess the usual advice to people who hate themselves is that you need to improve yourself or learn to accept yourself, but I really can’t accept that this is gonna be the whole rest of my life and I don’t really know how I can improve things either.

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Get those thinks outta your brain before I slap them outta there.

There is no deadline on greatness. If you haven’t found something fulfilling rest assured (or at least a little easier) that it’s still out there just waiting to be discovered. I’m also willing to bet there’s a lot of people in your life who don’t think you’re a “complete loser failure.” If anything the introspection alone puts you leagues ahead of others who are already content to have given up by now.

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Ah yes, the ol’ arena macro strategy of /help /flee /chicken

Grats on 2k :raised_hands: :raised_hands:

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After my truck is fixed completely my next order of business is still a Switch. Watching my best friend have a blast on AC in facebook updates makes me jealous AF and my phone won’t run the mobile Animal crossing for some reason.

Alongside that I am putting some money aside to invest in my music production equipment and really get going on that. Don’t worry I won’t link you to a soundcloud or anything. But it is something I am excited to work on and finally make progress at. Just make sure to hit that subscribe button hit that bell icon to be notified when I go…oh this isn’t YouTube. Darn.

Anyway that’s all I got today. Have a good one everyone. :slight_smile:

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Punk kid get off my lawn, just hitting your 30s absolutely means you’re still young.

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Hey, Miko, I’m a professional fantasy author, which has always been my dream. I’m not dropping that here to gloat; on the contrary, I just want you to know I didn’t make any meaningful progress toward that until I was 30. It was two more years before I made a red cent on it, and two more before it could support me and let me quit my day job.

There’s no timetable, friend. I’m a loner with bipolar disorder and I remember being your age and thinking that exact stuff, that this was it and I never had any prospects of improving anything. Those thoughts are lies the brain gremlins tell you to keep you down. Punt those little buggers and keep on truckin’.

As long as you keep moving forward, you are still moving forward, and you will get somewhere. Don’t let anybody try to put you on a timetable. It’ll take the time it takes. I believe in you.

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In the process of transitioning MTF, quarantine showed me that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. And admitting that discovery brought to light ways in which I exhaust the people I care about, and then the one who did the most legwork socially and self-care wise vanished, leaving the rest of this disordered brain flailing for grounding and community in a time of isolation and distance.

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Still feeling mild shame at the fact that i have a completed novel, with cover art, and something that has been edited and I still get cold feet at the notion of pulling the trigger and finishing the self-publishing process.

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It’s a scary step. But still, DO IT.

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Rough day at work dealing with stupid defense counsel, but I’ve been incredibly blessed. Kicking booty and taking names every day.

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I’m tired.
Tired of Humanity.
Tired of about everything.

I put on a good face, and being an only child means I’ve got to be there for my mom but yeah. Kinda low, at the moment.

Blessed to have a job that supports my hobbies, but that’s in the process of being restructured and in about a month I’ll have to reapply for the newly restructured positions. Not so much bothered by that as I am just the sheer amount of resistance to change from those around me that bothers the crap out of me. We are well and truly into the 21st Century now, and standards and practices from 18 years ago when I started no longer apply. We can’t afford to keep doing as we always have. Maybe I HAVE drunk the corporate kool-aid, but at 37 for better or worse this is my career now. I just wish naysayers would get out of the way and make things infinitely easier. No system is perfect, but we’re never going to get fixed what needs to until and unless everyone is operating on the same page. And nine times out of ten, getting everyone on the same page results in the problems not being problems any more.

To add to that frustration at work and time moving forward, part of the issue stems from the transition from traditional brick-and-mortar to E-Commerce warehouse with a physical store front. I’ve gone from twenty feet of storage to eight…and my shipments are still designed for twenty. The holidays are going to be an absolute nightmare.

On other fronts, I’m nine years deep into marriage to a truly wonderful person, but who only came to realize they were asexual after marriage (Prior to this it was a ‘Wait for Marriage’ deal). There’s never been consummation.

That’s not really something to share with randos on the Internet, but it’s getting more and more frustrating as the years go by and playing into my overall mood. In all other aspects, I’m truly blessed with my partner so it really should not be a big deal, but I’m a tactile person. Even after over a decade in the relationship proper, it still hurts when a touch is pulled away from or a hand deliberately moved.

And, as I coast down the hill of my 30s, I’m left melancholy.

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Wore myself playing a round of disc golf with my BFF. It was nice to get outside. Between Covid and like two weeks of rain, we haven’t had a chance to really hang out since he moved back into town.

Been biding my time in WoW by making a campaign with TRP3 Extended. It’s pretty tedious, but it’s coming along and should be fun. I don’t know how many actually use Extended, but it should be something for people to do while they’re roaming about. I’m already sick of rep grinding after like a week, so it’s at least something to do until the FFXIV next week.

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Because we’re Alaskans, it’s a Salmon Run festival of some sort.

Which in a normal year, I’d be completely love. I was raised on salmon and how spiritually, economically, and personally important the salmon run is.

But this year, I’m an EMT in a pandemic in an outbreak town working a public facing job and I lowkey WISH THEY WOULD ALL GO HOME. Thanks for listening; it helps keep me a sane person who doesn’t strangle tourists on the street.

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Currently watching some youtube videos for novel purposes to learn how people made food in respective eras.

All I can say about food that sailors ate is that it is either horrifying, ship biscuits or beer.

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Dive into that a bit further and realize a major contributing factor to the loss of the HMS Terror and HMS Erebus was due to the novel invention of canned food.

What was supposed to be the key thing that kept the ships going for YEARS away from resupply ended up being the very thing that in all likelihood killed them all, as the Navy went with the lowest bid contractor and the seals on the cans were botched, leading to both lead poisoning and Botulism.

Simply put, sailor lives sucked.

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Ask a Mortician over at Youtube has a really great video about the Franklin Expedition. She talks about the food, but also the fact that they were using lead in their water supply as well. They were doomed before they even set sail.

(Honestly, if you’re into this kind of stuff, you should check her channel out. She has really neat videos in general, but her vids about things like the Franklin Expedition, the Donner Party, & the real story behind Moby Dick are fascinating.)

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