The life of Jaquestiney. Volume 1

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I woke up, and as I stumbled through the room into the living room into the kitchen to find my wife Melantha as she was making my morning coffee and pancakes. And so I ate that, said my goodbyes to Melantha for the day and head outside the house to walk around Orgrimmar. I was walking toward the Valley of Honor when I saw someone familiar in the distance. As I got closer, I saw it was Nerfessra. Oh this is bad. Nerfessra was my ex before I met my lovely wife Melantha and so I gotta run because Nerfessra still loves me and I don’t wanna be killed by Melantha today. So I turned around and ran, hoping she wont see me, and as I did I heard Nerfessra call out my name. Well… this sucks, I might be the most powerful warlock ever but I cant run that fast and I left my mount at the house and Nerfessra is a mage so she’ll catch up easily. As she got close I casted a fear at her and kept going. I did this until I got back to my house, all exhausted from the running and nearly collapsed onto the living room floor. Seeing the bad state I was in Melantha asked me what happened and as soon as she did, Nerfessra busted into my house. This is a awkward situation now, as Melantha doesn’t know anything about her. I had to figure something out, so I said, don’t do or say anything, I’ll be right back. So I sprinted outside to my neighbor Keyas’ house. I asked him what should I do. He told me there’s nothing I can do in these situations. Upon that moment I REEEEEEEE’d while life tapping myself to near death in frustration. I ate a healthstone, and casted drainlife on a orc farmers pig to gain health and went back to my house, and I surprisingly saw Melantha and Nerfessra talking and laughing. This… might be good. And so I asked what’s going on. Apparently Nerfessra told Melantha I’m her best friend and they were talking about my deepest secrets. I asked Nerfessra if she can leave for today so I can talk to Melantha alone, but then Melantha insisted she stay and sleep the night here as apparently Nerfessra’s house is all the way in Silvermoon and its already evening now. I quickly thought of a plan and said ok. I head over to Swiftraven’s house, which is basically any rock in Orgrimmar, so I always have to search around for him, and asked could he murder Nerfessa. He said only if I bring him a Gnome sandwich. I head back to the house to tell Melantha that I’m going on an adventure, which is usual for me as a Hero of Azeroth and Champion of the Horde. She understands that and said ok and to be safe, and so I headed on my Hearthsteed towards Goldshire in the Eastern Kingdoms.

I put a Human disguise on and head inside the Goldshire Inn, it was very loud and there was some rather freaky things going on so I had to focus on my objective very hard. I walked upstairs and lo and behold, I saw a Gnome. She told me her name was Littleangry and that she’s a maid for the Inn. I told her I would pay 10,000 gold if she cleaned my house real quick. She instantly accepted and I brought her to this random house in the middle of nowhere in Elwynn Forest. When we got inside, I closed and locked the door, and when she was looking the other way, I casted a chaos bolt and killed her. I stuffed her corpse in a bag, went outside, took my disgusting disguise off, mounted up and flew back to Orgrimmar.

It was already morning and I was exhausted with no sleep the previous night coming back. I eventually found Swiftraven and gave him the Gnome to make a sandwich and he agreed to our contract deal. So we head to my house with Swiftraven in stealth, and I asked Melantha could she cook breakfast for Nerfessra and I asked Nerfessra if she wanted to shower before heading back home. They both did so. Swiftraven quickly followed Nerfessa into the bathroom, and ambushed her, but unfortunately did not immediately kill her and so she let out a loud scream of pain. Swiftraven quickly sprinted out the house in stealth without being noticed and Melantha and I quickly head to the bathroom. We saw Nerfessra having blood flown out at a fascinating pace, she would be dead soon, there’s no saving her. Melantha started crying and telling Nerfessra she loves her which is weird considering they didn’t know each other until yesterday. So me being very suspicious, I asked, do you two actually know each other? Melantha hesitantly looked up at me, and said “yes, she’s actually my child hood best friend”.

I told her we would talk about this tomorrow and she agreed.

The end of Volume 1
To be continued

I know this was very long and probably not as good and not a lot of people were involved this time around but I promise I will add more people as things go on and the story will get better, because this is only the beginning of a very long book series. I just need to get things rolling, because if I just start with the climax, y’all wouldn’t have no idea whats going on and how it got there. Anyways I hoped you enjoyed.

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/cheer
/throwsroses
/tentaclesalute

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Littleangry’s dead!?!

Please tell me this isn’t canon! Otherwise I have a changeorg petition to make…

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Is she dead though? Is she just unconscious and when I gave her to Swiftraven, he saved her rather than eating her? Is this whole story an illusion? Who knows, we’ll find out eventually.

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you monster, you killed Littleangry! I shall hunt you down to the ends of Azeroth!

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You don’t know that for sure! Did Swiftraven eat the sandwich? All I said was I gave the sandwich to him I didn’t say he ate it yet. And is she rly dead? What if she’s unconscious? You never truly know until the very end.

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I will still hunt you down for attacking a fellow Gnome!

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Awww I’m flattered.That…was…awesome! :heart:
Jaquestiney, you sir are a master storyteller.

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Well thank you my lovely wife who I thought I wasn’t going to talk to until tomorrow. :heart:

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:blush::sunglasses::shushing_face:

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Taps foot impatiently…I am waiting lets go Jaquestiney let’s get some more story tellin!

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You must wait until next Sunday at latest maybe a bit earlier. Because I need time in order to make quality stories. I also don’t want this to be like the wod raids when they were all released at once, and nothing after that, and everyone complained. So I will release my story bit by it.

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Whoa, Jaquestiney has some life :slight_smile:

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Don’t make me make a thread about how you’re time-gating because I will, oh I will mister!

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Do it. I dare you

Yes. A very entertaining life isn’t it? I’m hoping I might can bring you into the picture in the future and maybe you can experience this amazing story in person as well.

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Proofread, and punctuate. Also, look for more diverse wording. Saying you stumbled through the room, to the living room gets a little redundant.

“I stumbled through the master suite, into the living area…”

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Sure. It must involve coffee somehow, or an Azeroth equivalent of coffee. :smiley:

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All of his supporting characters were blood elves. Guess he has a thing for them.

Well, there was a gnome that took a chaos bolt.

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I need to get out my red marker…

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Well I mean besides Forsaken, blood elves are the best race. I’m even considering race changing to BE at this point. I can’t decide if I really wanna do it or not though.

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