Social Anxiety & Roleplaying

Wyrmrest Accord
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I love roleplaying, and I love making stories with my tauren character, the only problem is, I want to approach others, but I’m stuck in my own bubble and sometimes I’m afraid to leave it.

And joining a roleplaying guild too, I personally feel like the oddball looking in, and its hard for me getting into a group setting.

Are there any veterans on this server, or roleplaying in general that can give me some good advice to approach this? I want to be social, and talk to others, and especially join a RP guild, but I’m too afraid, and used to being quiet and playing by myself.

Thanks for reading

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Hello friend! Right off the bat let me reassure you that you are absolutely, definitely not alone here. There are many people in the roleplay community with social anxiety because this hobby sits right on the axis where creative writing and socialization intersect, and those who lean into the writing bit more than the social bit are more likely to be the anxious introverted type. Many have walked the path before you and many will walk the path after you as well.

My first piece of advice is to take things at your own pace. Sit in an rp hot spot and soak it in, and don’t be ashamed to eavesdrop. If they are in a public space and using /say then it’s usually something they don’t mind others reading.

Second, don’t ever be afraid to whisper people! You can freely ask if a scene is open to jump into, or to ask for advice, or to just break the ice with a “hi your character looks interesting!” No one is gonna ever be mad you complimented their character and it gives you a springboard to talk to someone and release the tension of what ifs surrounding a new situation. Also feel free to be honest about your nervousness, most people will be completely understanding and accommodating. If they aren’t then it means it won’t be a good fit.

Next step when you’re feeling a bit of confidence would be to start off small, emote your character standing around and idling, just being in that space. Maybe you will interest someone, maybe you won’t, but when you emote you show everyone else around you that you are engaged and looking for engagement in return.

After that, congratulations on roleplaying! Small scene, large scene, whatever amount you feel comfortable with. And if you do feel uncomfortable, just tell your rp partners that you’re overwhelmed and need to step away or want to wrap up the scene for whatever reason. Most sensible people will not mind and will help end the scene in a natural way.

Long story short, so long as you are aware of yourself and your limits and clearly communicate this with others, anxiety can be accommodated and worked around while you build your skills and confidence. Roleplay is a really good way to build these kind of skills in a low risk environment, so please don’t be afraid to give it a go!

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Even as someone who’s been RPing on WrA since early Cata, I have to say that I have my moments of anxiety and nervousness when in public RP settings looking for RP too. There’s so much RP going on in Orgrimmar in particular and sometimes it’s hard to know how to approach, who to approach, and it can get frustrating.

I have found to a degree that it helps to have a particular kind of character who has an attitude or personality that makes it difficult NOT to walk up, if that makes sense. One of the reasons I loved Johlein Danek, my Undead Warrior that I made in late BfA, is because she is very outgoing; always drinking and trying to make friends, having a good laugh - and of course her favorite past time, ‘ogling hunks’. Particularly shirtless Orc Warriors!

A lot of people seem to love RPing with her so that’s been pretty nice.

I’m not saying it always works out, mind you. Sometimes even on Johlein I have no idea what I’m doing. But, it’s a solution to consider at least. Maybe your character is a chatter-box! Or perhaps there’s some other motivation that gets said character approaching people?

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I’m just going to expand a bit on what Ariiah said.

So- much like them, I’ve also been RPing on WrA since Cata (I moved over here sometime during 4.3). I also have pretty bad anxiety, and that appears even when RPing. It’s especially bad when I join a guild (which is almost never nowadays, though not entirely due to my anxiety) but also when interacting with new people in general. It’s a mix of feeling like I’m intruding and also being caught up in, “What if they’re annoyed that I joined in?”

There’s a couple things I do to mitigate it.

First, when I RP a new, less developed character, I endeavor to do so with friends. It takes some of my unease away, and makes me more comfortable. Characters are bound to change a lot in the early stages, and people you know will be able to accommodate for that better.

Second, as Ariiah said-- avoid toons that make it difficult for others to want to interact with them. Brooding characters can be fun to write for some, but for a lot of people it can be difficult to RP with them on the regular. You’ll want a flexible and versatile character, probably one with an open sense of humor and a willingness to interact with others.

Third, when interacting with people you don’t know well, remember that we’re all generally here to have fun and partake in the same hobby. Most people don’t mind some brief OOC communication, whether that’s asking if you can join in or if you character can try some newfangled spell on theirs. If people get uppity because you’re trying to be communicative OOC, you generally don’t want to interact with those people anyway. You’re searching for a chill and fun environment, after all. And, as Thomas said- maybe you like some aspect of the character as described in their TRP? Maybe they have art and you really like it! A little compliment can go a long way, just remember a lot of RPers can be a bit awkward/anxious too. We’re all a bit more similar than some of us think.

Honestly? Something that helps me is to hang out where other RPers are, usually in rogue stealth and with TRP tracking off, just so I can chill around everyone else and get a feeling for a ‘vibe’. Sometimes someone might steer the conversation a direction your character has interest or knowledge in- and then you can hop in IC and get involved if the people seem chill. You can also try this out in public events, and maybe you’ll find an interesting guild or group to check out in the future.

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Hi! Welcome to the server! I joined this server back in Cata, and had the same feelings you’re going through right now. I felt weird and like I didn’t know the rules going in to things. I felt like people weren’t going to understand, or were going to jump down my throat if I got something wrong, so instead I just kind of stood at the edge of stuff and just watched. What you’re feeling is entirely valid and an experience many people share.

For me, the easiest way to get into things was to just dip my toe into an event. The Bloodhoof Story Circle hosted by Wolfmane every Sunday at 6pm Server Time has always been my suggestion. You sit around the circle, and people can go up and tell a story. All you have to do is /clap when they go up, maybe emote a little about a surprising part of the story, and /clap when they sit down. Sometimes, people stick around the circle afterwards to talk about the story or something that’s going on in your character’s life. Or you can just leave, if its a bit too much!

It’s low input, but gets you comfortable with sitting around other people who are interacting with the pressure off of you. You get to minimally interact with people around you because everyone is so focused on the speaker, and then you get to put as much in as you’d like after the circle is over.

The best part is, when you feel comfortable enough - like I did - you can write a little story about your character and speak it out to the circle. Writing a short little poem, a story about something your character has done, or even just a funny joke or song lyrics are great first starts. People are quiet while you speak, you can prepare what you’re going to say beforehand, and when you’re done, people clap and give you positive feedback. There’s not really an opportunity to pin you down if you’re uncomfortable or anxious, you just go back to your seat and sit down and then the focus is on the next speaker. You can always ask whoever is hosting if you can go in the middle, so that way you’re not the first or last speaker.

Honestly I could gush about how perfect the storycircle is for starting roleplayers or people who are anxious, but I’d just go if it’s in a good timeslot and give it a feel, especially because you’re a Tauren. It will give you great connections, and if you build up to it, Wolfmane also hosts a nice little event on Monday where everyone gathers around Thunder Bluff and hangs out. That one is a little more anxiety inducing because it’s kind of loose, but the people who run it are amazing and sweet. They’ll take care of you if you reach out, and most of the people I’ve found on this server will absolutely involve you if you just whisper them and give them a heads up.

You’re always welcome to send me a message or mail in game, I’d love to hang out. Sometimes its easier going to these things with a friend at your back who can take the heat off of you. Wishing you all the best, you’ll find some amazing people and experiences here. :cow:

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I can also vouch for the people behind the Bloodhoof Story Circle being cool and chill individuals. The Wolfmane Tribe is a nice bunch and I 100% agree with this person that their event is a perfect way to get into RP if you’re Horde-side, doubly so for the reasons Fauxliage outlines in their reply.

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It helped RPing on a character other than my main at first; I was able to tell myself that if something awkward or embarrassing happened, I could just log off and the awkwardness wouldn’t follow me to my ‘real’ character.

Also, large public events–especially if they’re based on something like lectures, bar crawls, or zone tours–are usually very low pressure. You can sorta fade into the background and don’t have to speak up unless you want to. And even if you ever do feel like you said something embarrassing or awkward, the fast pace and large numbers mean it gets forgotten fairly quickly.

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I feel this. I kind of find myself preferring to play a supplementary character rather than being central to the narrative in any way. I think part of it is that I’m not too confident in my writing skills or grammar and don’t really want to risk any scrutiny. I’ve found my niche as supportive cast and I’m cool with that, I guess.

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Ohh I second Fauxliage and check out Story Circle. There’s some really great story tellers on our server and you will be in for a treat!! It’s a very nice low pressure event!

I totally feel you! social anxiety is real! I was very much same situation as yourself but events like Story Circle, ye olde Soup Night and ye olde Forsaken Shadow Sermons were all great low pressure ways to get into RP without feeling on the spot.

As a Druid you can just show up in bird form and perch yourself on a tree or ledge and hang out. I’ve done that before on Druid alts when I want to RP but I myself am pretty drained and rather just be in the background vibing and follow the chat vs being in the chat y’know?

Otherwise you’ll find almost everyone, myself included all have some sorta social anxiety when it comes to RP. It can be overwhelming and daunting but there are plenty of helpful and friendly people that will be more than happy to bring you along.

Also I know you didn’t ask about addons but I definitely recommend Listener. Once I got Listener that helped a lot with my anxiety at events because the fast moving wall of text was so overwhelming for my ADHD brain. It helps me manage larger gatherings and focus on individuals easier and helped me ease into RP.

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I’m also too anxious to RP haha

I’ve just hung out Out of Character in RP hotspots and also talk to players in the Wyrmrest Accord Discord, which has made me recognized in game by other folks. You don’t have to get to know people ICly first, so perhaps it could be worth it to talk to players before their characters c:

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If you’re considering story circles as good events to either just watch or maybe one day try telling a story of your own, also consider the Kalimdor United story circle in Feralas. There is a thread here on the forum for it. It’s low/no pressure, and it’s cross-faction friendly!

[A/N] Kalimdor United Monthly Storytelling Event! - Wyrmrest Accord - World of Warcraft Forums (blizzard.com)

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Seconding this one! The Kalimdor United Story Circle is really low-key comfy and the themes each month provide a fun twist on a general story telling night. Everyone is super kind as well out there.

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I been meaning to hit up Kalimdor Storytelling Night! Thanks for reminding me! In the past something conflicted and I couldn’t go but I’ll try and make sure to remember or make time for it. Juspeon is the kinda character that would love story nights.

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I think this is super, super helpful. If you’re anxious about initiating the interaction with others, it’s generally a lot easier for others to try to interact with you if you can emote what your character is doing, even if it’s idle things. Just imagine what your toon would be doing in the scene and type it out! Whether it be looking around curiously or wiping down their weapon or scratching their head or anything. When people see emotes coming from you, I think it’s a more positive impression and people will generally try to find some way to engage your character in conversation. I’ll be the first to admit that between someone who just stands there doing/saying nothing and someone who’s there emoting idle actions, I will 100% choose to RP with the latter over the former.

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Baby steps! All the advice given has been wonderful, so thank you all for also helping me as well.
I’ve found that going to public events is a great place to meet new people. Sometimes I engage and sometimes I sit back and watch. Either way it’s always a good time and helps build confidence for my next venture out into the RP world.
Events are usually posted here on the forums! :slight_smile: Good luck!

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Yeah I tend to play more reserved characters because that’s just what comes naturally to me, but I challenged myself to create a very extroverted and friendly belfadin when I saw a lot of public Blood Knight events being advertised on the forums a few years ago. I thought I would be wildly outside my comfort zone the whole time but it was honestly way easier and more fun than I ever expected.

And it may be a bit of a cheat, but playing a low-ranking character at a military event can be a super easy way to ingratiate yourself because most people love being saluted and asked about their glorious career. :wink:

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All jokes aside, the best methods I found to help engage people without calling them by name, or trying to be direct (IE looking at them, or gesturing to them) is to interact an emote. What is your character doing idly that might interest others. Some could be that your character is looking for something, as if they dropped an earring or a piece of parchment.

Simple things that can grasp people’s attention can be a good simple hook for roleplay. Maybe try something a little more elaborate. Perhaps offering to give something, or trying to offer some hook for people to shine by interacting with you as well.

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If your character has functional eyeballs, people tend to respond to the targeted /eye emote.

‘Player’ eyes ‘target’ up and down.

I’ve found it to be useful on my characters with eyes, then use it as a spring board to bring up some of their TRP3 ‘at a glance’ tags.

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It sounds like you already have a sense of who your character is, so this may not apply, but I think one thing that causes many people anxiety about RP is the idea that one needs to start with a fully fleshed-out character, or a character with a unique “hook” that stands out.

Your character doesn’t need to be a special snowflake, nor do you need to be a Shakespearean actor or writer. Your character can be little more than a self-insert and no one would know the difference, because we the players and our own voices and personalities are as unique as any made-up characters. If you want to challenge yourself with a character who thinks, speaks, and/or acts drastically differently from yourself, then go ahead. But you can also start with a pretty blank slate and chances are you’ll come to find your character’s own voice naturally over time.

Wherever your character goes, you’re unlikely to be interrogated beyond a simple “What brings you to these parts?”, to which you can respond with an equally generic “Just passing through” or such. That’s not a blow-off: no one will know whether that’s you being anxious or the character not being talkative, unless you tell them (which you absolutely can do), and besides, the vast majority of RP is completely contrived. Most RPers just RP where RP is happening and don’t give it a whole lot more thought. If you do feel like you need more of a pretense for being somewhere or interacting with others, then as others have said, be an extra in the background for as long as you like and chime in as much or as little as you want.

And feel free to be open OOC in /say or whispers about being new and inexperienced. You can also mention it in the OOC tooltip section of TRP. You will find amost everyone pleasant and accommodating, and being up front and communicative can take a lot of pressure off. Even if getting to know people OOC might feel just as anxiety-inducing at first, it can be a big relief to know that you can drop the act and touch base with real people who can give you tips and help to get you involved in stuff while knowing not to put too much pressure on you.

As you’re seeing now, you are not remotely alone and people will talk your ear off in their efforts to help. I also recommend the Wyrmrest Community Project Discord, which even though it caters mainly to the Alliance, has plenty of Horde members and constant, near-24/7 discussion about events, characters, and all the ins and outs of RP. Good luck!

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