Roshan's Guide to RP [For the new forums and posterity]

[Balanor-maelstrom (Balanor)]

(A lot of oldies, particularly Maelstrom oldies, are already familiar with this. Just bringing it to the new forum, originally written by the mysterious and heroic Roshan).

Here are some guidelines for designing and roleplaying a character of your very own. Now you too can roleplay with the elite of the elite.

–Description–

The FlagRSP add-on and various others allow you to type a physical description for your character that other people with the add-on can see. Because this is a very popular thing to do among roleplayers, it’s important to have a description which conforms to the general rules of RP.

First and foremost, it is essential that your character be voluptuous (this applies to male and female characters). If your character can, under any circumstances, not be described as voluptuous, GTFO. It is also recommended that your character be ‘supple’ in some respect, I.E. in terms of curves. He or she must also seductively sway his or her hips at all times. Having a provocative description like this is important because people don’t want to cyber with you, they want to cyber with your naked elf (or dwarf).

The eyes of your character should seem to look through, rather than at, other people. He or she must have long, delicate fingers (also independent of gender). He or she must be wearing an amulet or other item of great personal significance, and should also be a half dragon, half demon, or both. It is highly recommended that your description contain a few direct contradictions, such as "Attentive yet distant" or "Confident yet timid".

You should also remember to put one (1) or more (more) disfiguring scars on your character’s body; the neck is the socially accepted place for this but you can probably get away with putting them elsewhere as well. The scar should be covered up but remain prominent in your description nonetheless. It is important because it’s what separates the true roleplayers from the people who are only interested in cybering.

Example

[Furimus] says: ((you’re not a real rper you only like to cyber))

[Hotelflol] says: ((no look at her neck there’s a scar))

The scar is like a window into your character’s cliche and uninspired past, which I’ll touch on in a moment.

First, a description checklist:

• Voluptuosity

• Swaying hips

• Eyes that look through, not at

• Long, delicate fingers

• Significant amulet

• Half demon/dragon/both

• Contradictions

• Scar

Note that you can and should put as much information as possible about your character in your description, including things people could not possibly know by looking at him or her (see figure 1).

((pt 2))

–Background, Personality and Behavior–

Your character has a personality, likely different from your own, which is shaped by his or her environment and background, so now it’s time to come up with those. This may sound easy, but there are quite a few rules and conventions to keep in mind.

First off, at least one of your character’s parents is dead. This is not optional. The driving force of roleplay is the desire to avenge slain progenitors. Whatever killed his or her parents also gave him or her the aforementioned scar (think Harry Potter). You may want to choose another roleplayer and make their character the murderer of your character’s parents without their approval. This leads to fun and engaging roleplay later. In general, your character’s past should always be something best kept a secret, but do not let this stop you from telling the story to everyone you meet (or if no one’s around, in /yell).

Alternatively, your character can be related to a major story character. This is a contest; the more important the character, the better a roleplayer you are. Here are some examples of roles for your character to fill, in ascending order of respectability.

• Baros Alexston’s daughter

• Vanndar Stormpike’s wife

• The missing king of Stormwind

• Ragnaros himself

• Kel’Thuzad’s former roommate

• The second coming of Christ (not technically a Warcraft story character, but I think everyone will appreciate the RP possibilities)

The basic goal in roleplaying your character is to be the same as everyone else. To that end, there are some stereotypes to which you should adhere.

This is probably obvious, but if your character is a rogue, he or she must be a professional assassin-for-hire. Similarly, druids must be professional anime cats.

Important:
Hunters must have twin siblings that not only look exactly the same and have similar names, but use the same equipment as well, just like twins in real life always wear the same clothes.

All warlock characters must be kind, innocent and compassionate, and all paladin characters must be unconditionally (and theatrically) evil; because roleplay is the pastime of the literary elite, the concept of the ironic character is held in high regard.

Other classes you can play however you like, as long as everything you do seems like you took it directly out of Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.

Your character should know every language in existence, with or without a plausible reason why. This can be accomplished through the wonders of an add-on called Lore which will allow you to speak Demonic, Druidic, Thalassian, and many other languages to others who have the add-on (the add-on merely encrypts text to resemble various languages and decrypts it, it can’t actually cross any of Blizzard’s language barriers).

((pt 3))

–Etiquette–

When speaking out of character (OOC), always use ((brackets like this)). This is most useful when episodes of roleplay erupt suddenly into arguments between players over acceptable age ranges for elves, whether or not cat druids can talk, and other important philosophical issues.

When speaking in character (IC), always type in ALL CAPITALS LIKE THIS, as this is the text equivalent of speaking crisply and clearly, which roleplayers appreciate.

Roleplay is as much about being pretentious as it is about cybering, so make any emotes as lengthy as possible. Try to outdo other people in this, so you can be a better roleplayer than them. Every emote should be full of outlandish metaphors and irrelevant imagery. Remember to analyze your character’s personality in a way that makes it seem as if you know what you are talking about. It may also help to draw sketches of and write poetry about him or her.

Conflict:

In most cases, your character is going to be every bit as angsty and socially inept as you are, so you’re going to have to learn how to properly handle the conflicts that will inevitably arise. Some people like to use duels to settle conflicts between characters, but since most roleplayers are far too unskilled at WoW to progress beyond level twenty or so, a better way to do this is to roleplay the conflict out.

First, I’ll give an example of what not to do.

Furimus grits his teeth, his hands dropping to his daggers. The blades flash in the hot sun as they fly from their sheathes. He lunges toward Daxaron with a cry of rage. With a murderous gleam in his eye he swings the knives toward his adversary’s throat with startling speed, his deadly intent obvious.

Daxaron , not quite fast enough to dodge the attack completely, throws himself to the side, managing to receive the attack in his shoulder rather than his neck. He lets out a howl of pain as he staggers backward and prepares to defend himself.

Do you see what these two did wrong there? The mistake Furimus made was in making an attempt on his opponent’s life, thus giving him a way to escape. Similarly, Daxaron erred in allowing the attack to affect him at all, rather than just negating it. RP combat like this is dull and uninteresting. The correct way is to dictate the results of any actions in no uncertain terms, so other people can’t determine the results on their own and make you look like a fool. If at all possible, describe their characters’ actions as well as your own.

This is the right way to do it.

Furimus grits his fangs, his hands dropping to his daggers. Daxaron tries to run away but he trips and falls down because he is clumsy and stupid. “Oh no, please don’t kill me!” he cries, but Furimus doesn’t have to listen to anyone, being the strongest warrior in the universe. With demonic fury, he chops off Daxaron’s head and cuts his body into little pieces, which all get eaten by birds, and then the birds get shot by dwarven hunters, and the head looks as stupid in death as it did in life, and all the townspeople cheer for Furimus because they never liked Daxaron anyway.

Daxaron actually dodges every hit because with the intensive training he went through under the tutelage of his now-deceased father he is faster than anyone else, and when Furimus sees that he can’t hit him, he gives up and runs away and decides to become a hairdresser in Stormwind. Daxaron is elected mayor of Goldshire but then he goes crazy and kills all the guards and Marshal Dughan.

See how much better that was? Notice how the two characters had completely differing accounts of what happened. This reflects life’s dependence on perception and interpretation and leads to a much more fulfilling roleplay experience. You may, however, be accused of godmoding (see FAQ).

–Figures–

Figure 1: Example FlagRSP description

Jonnyelf is tall and 20 years old and purple because hes an elf lol, his eyes glow and he is an assassin which he learned from his dead father who was alive at the time and trained him every day with wooden swords in their homeland of northshire abbey. One day he found a strange medallion which gave him magical powers. He has a voluptuous form and his hips sway seductively when he walks. When you look at him his eyes seem to look through you and he is really pretty but watch out because hes an assassin and could kill you. Some of his features look demonic and draconic and he helped save Stormwind from pirates once. He walks slowly with confidence and moves with a quick, nervous manner. He smells like flowers. He has a scar on his neck which you will never see and he will never tell you about because he always keeps it covered with his long delicate fingers. He is Zul’jin’s nephew but no one knows not even him. Sometimes he has trouble going to the bathroom if people try to talk to him while he does it.

((pt 4))

–Frequently Asked Questions–

Q: Is it ‘elves’ or ‘elfs’? ‘Dwarves’ or ‘dwarfs’?

A: Elves. Both dwarves and dwarfs are okay.

Q: Can I give my character fangs?

A: Yes! In fact, characters without fangs are quickly becoming obsolete. Your character should at least have fangs, if not cat ears and a tail too. The fangs are an outward sign of your character being a demon, vampire, vegan, or sometimes just there for no reason at all.

Q: But I don’t like cybering! Do I really have to make my character voluptuous?

A: You came to the wrong place, my friend…And yes you do.

Q: I have a mini-Diablo. Should I include him in my RP?

A: God yes. I cannot stress this enough. There’s nothing roleplayers enjoy more than mini-Diablo reinforcing their immersion.

Q: My character married another person’s character in-game. Does that mean…?

A: Yes. You’re married in real life too.

Q: Is killing another person’s character in roleplay without his or her consent frowned upon?

A: No. It is perfectly acceptable for you to perform any action which directly impacts other peoples’ characters without their prior or subsequent approval. You may be confronted with accusations of ‘godmodding’, but rest assured, there’s no such thing, and these people are simply upset because you’re winning the RP and they’re losing. You should respond to this unfounded slander with such witty retorts as “GG RP on an RP server” and “Non-RP server that way -->”.

Q: Great, now I’m a roleplayer! Does that make me better than people who aren’t?

A: Yes it does, and you have a responsibility to let them know. If you look at all the convicted felons and registered sex offenders in North America, the vast majority of them are not roleplayers. Non-roleplayers are the scum of the earth, and I hear it’s contagious, so I recommend not interacting with them at all if you can avoid it, other than to throw garbage and rocks at them.

Q: I can roleplay and still be good at pvp, right?

A: Wrong. Roleplaying and pvp utilize neurons in different parts of the brain, the former being governed by the temporal and parietal lobes and the latter by the hippocampus, hypothalamus and the limbic region. Without a severe case of autism, it is both practically and theoretically impossible to display aptitude in both areas. Sorry folks, can’t argue with science.

Q: What qualifies you to tell us how to RP?

A: It is extremely probable that I’m better at both cybering and real roleplaying than you are. With that said, my over-arching, m@sturbatory self-glorification and complete (some might say gross) lack of regard for the opinions of anyone who disagrees with me qualifies me to tell you how to do anything. To state this another way, you’ll do what I say, and by God you’ll like it; I am secure in the knowledge that, should a difference of opinion arise between us (and this would be tragic), yours would be infinitely inferior to my own. Note that this does not mean that I dislike or disrespect you in any way, friend.

((pt 5))

I say this guy is a pretender.

Pretender. Charlatan. Fraud.

Even when first I shared my wisdom with the forum did I hear accusations of that sort.

Any heroic figure who returns after a period of absence will generate suspicion, proportional to his or her popularity. One has only to look at the way people claiming to be Jesus are treated, and that guy’s not half as popular as I am. Or look instead at the multitudes of deposed Nigerian monarchs who only need a couple thousand dollars to regain their former glory. Do they get it? Rarely.

So, your concern is justified.

But ask yourself this: What does it mean to be Roshan the Immortal? What does that mean?

This question is one of what is known as “deep reality”. Now, I know what you’re thinking.

"Is that like the 1998 sci-fi drama, Deep Impact?"

Well, yes. It is. By now you must be wondering, "how do we set the nukes inside the comet and get out before they blow?"

The short answer is, “you don’t.”

The long answer is, “you don’t, and I slept with your wife.”

Can you ever know for sure that I am really Roshan? No. But nor can you ever know for sure that anyone is who he or she says he or she is. Nor even can you know with certainty that the material world around you itself exists.

If you doubt me, you must necessarily doubt everything.

I suspect, in time, your fears will be assuaged, and you will come to know me, in all the most biblical of senses.

[Dhonrue-thrall]

doing the lord’s work