Hope the move is smooth, and Chicagoland treats you well. I enjoyed my time living in the area when I did.
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for what itās worth, from your amazing gifās to your heartfelt posts, your commentary will always be welcome to me.
I hope I can be as brave as you should the situation arise
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I believe that humans are interconnected. For better or for the worse. I rejected my religion when I was 8, but in time I learnt to discover my own sense of spirituality and belief in a guiding force that is beyond comprehension. Something no one can see, or hear, but perhaps only feel. Perhaps weāre all here to collect experiences and discover that everything within ourselves is the same as everything else. Or maybe weāre all just livestock where the emotional energy is used to feed an alien being. Who knows. Iām too tired to think clearly lmao
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Thank you 
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Thanks, thanks, thanks, all. I donāt have the right words currently to express myself well. If my knee wouldnāt make me regret it, I might be elated enough to dance, thanks to your kindness.
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Nothing wrong with keeping parts of yourself privateā¦ but you should always feel free to love who you love, and not feel ashamed of it.
Anxiety, depression, I feel these even now. Before every post I make. Yes, even this post.
Courage isnāt a lack of fear, it is being afraid and choosing to do so anyways. I have to remind myself of this frequently enough. Just remember you had the courage to post about this. Twice.
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I feel ya there. Add in some communication issues I have, and sometimes it feels better to
delete what Iāve tried to type and hide 
.
I know itās okay, but, still, itās nerve-racking-ly stressful usually. Mind you everything else is too, work especially so with regards to communication anxiety just because, so itās nothing out of the ordinary or new. I just let it reach a point of being discouraged when dealing with anxiety and communication problems on here or in other non-work interpersonal communication because, well, I can just not talk/type without repercussions for others unlike work or some other situations.
I always say that if I had a wish that could be granted that could only last for one day, Iād ask for a day free of worry and full of happiness for everyone. Those kinds of days can be so very rare and ephemeral for some of us that I this may be the best single-day gift I could give the world. Iād wish it even if I couldnāt have it too.
But, here in the real world, Iāll just be keeping on-edge and worrying and strive for āokay-enoughā days. I know Iāve had better anxiety management in the past with some other medications, but Iām still okay with where Iām at right now: way better than without.
Anyway, Iāll just be over here still keeping worrying about everyoneās well-being and hoping for okay days and less anxiety for those I meet because I try tell myself that Iād rather think of that as having excess love to feel than simply being irrationally fearful.
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You and Iā¦ so many similarities.
Donāt worry, you are not alone.
I wish you well and many peaceful days.
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Eugh. Moms letting a relative I do not like stay at our place for a few days. Long story. Short version is cousins in the hospital ( heās fine ) , and his Mom was around 2 hours away.
Mom and I both donāt like this woman. But this is more for my cousin.
Iām just not mega thrilled about having to get dead named / misgendered by them because I am so not coming out to this woman.
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Oh no 
Iām so sorry /hug
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Iām just gonna be extra in my room when this is going on. Sheās only staying when Mom is off work.
My agoraphobia just makes me super defensive about where i feel safe. Even if in some other life where I liked this woman I would still be on edge.
( edit: oops I already mentioned his accident here lemme just delete this paragraph )
Iām not trying to act like I have it worse or anything. But Iām still irritated about this. Iām just now extra mad at the idiot that hit him.
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I understand completely.
My brother has been in a couple bike accidents and had to get a lot of stuff on his one leg fixed up and pins in his spine.
He into an accident the first time cause the pin going to the brake handle was missing (that was a whole thing in itself which I aināt getting into) and he ended up wrecking the motorcycle. Caused a lot of damage to one of his legs when he was a teenager.
The other time that Iām aware of is he was pulling out of a resturaunt and a lady was speeding and hit him. Messed his back up pretty bad and he got head damage I think too. Left a sizable dent in the top of her car where his head hit. Heās fine now all that happened ages ago.
Dadās been in a couple motorcycle wrecks too which uhā¦ aināt discussing those cause they are very umā¦ well the details are bad.
I get it 100% some folks itās like they shouldnāt be on the road and or the folks that purposefully try to hit people on motorcycles shouldnāt be driving eitherā¦
But yeah hopefully he makes a speedy recovery and with what you said, were they able to save the foot?
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Nah. Surgeons took a lil extra of his leg off just to help make sure infection wasnāt gonna happen. So from the knee down that leg is gone.
Knowing him heād find some way to keep it in a jar or something for the luls.
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lol well least heās in good spirits about it then!
Ah got you well least they were able to do that and it will heal up and all that.
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Sometimesāespecially with familyāyou might take abuse from one or more persons who may be hateful so that you can protect or be kind to someone else you care about and love. That doesnāt mean you deserve the abuse; no, itās quite the opposite. I wish you didnāt have to deal with this relative because disrespect of your name and gender is so unkind. Itās about the easiest bit of respect and kindness we can give. And, since it seems that coming out to this relative is not something in the cardsādonāt blame you thereāI hope you are able to avoid her as much as possible, and I wish you the best luck on enduring the time.
While Iām still being more sharing, I didnāt say anything before when you mentioned your cousinās accident, but I just wanted to wish your cousin a good recovery. I know what itās like to be involved in a life-changing accident, not on motorcycle but as a pedestrian though. Even if your cousin is strong and stubborn, heās going to need a good support network. I had eventually 14 surgeries, and I struggled with everything. And, I canāt imagine how it would have been to have actually lost a foot. I hope he doesnāt ever remember the accident, but, you never know, itās possible he may remember at some point. Iām not saying that you yourself should be his support, but itās good to have someone that cares make sure he gets to come to terms with whatās happened and not try to push all of that away deep inside.
Sorry that I type slow because of word recall; I fall behind on conversations a lot.
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Yeah his legs still busted, thatās gonna wait til the swellings down then theyāre gonna get some metal in there to hold it together.
Least until then the hospital is keeping him VERY happy lol.
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Iād consider it disrespect when someone knows what I am and misgenders / deadnames me anyway.
If someone isnāt aware of what I am and gets it wrong, most of the time I wonāt care.
Iāll live. Iāll just be very crabby.
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Itās all good.
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Yeah youāre 100% allowed to.
I usually donāt like to stay with relatives in any capacity. Even when I travel Iād rather find my own accommodation cause I like having my personal space + I feel like I donāt want to trouble people to have to change their day to day life (even if itās just for 1 or 2 days) just to adapt to me. Some are really nice though, and insist itās fine, so I just make it a point to not intrude on their business, spend most of my time outside, and keep things very clean.
So I think in return, I do find it a little annoying when I have relatives stay with me. For me I donāt mind if they donāt expect me to entertain them the whole time. Like if they wanna crash and do their own thing, and we just talk over dinner, thatās fine. But if itās to the point where I have to constantly take care of them then itās kinda annoying to me.
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I already said this elsewhere but Iāll mention this āfun factā on the forums.
The last time I spoke to my aunt. This was back when I was on facebook so I wasnāt even 20 yet. Aunt just decided to share photos of her with a deer she hunted. The guts were out.
Obviously not wanting to just get Surprise Gore on my feed, I said some certain phrases I canāt say here to her. Then blocked her.
I have no issues with hunting. A warning would have been nice tho. Given how the deer looked in that photo, it probably tasted terrible from stress.
Its gonna be mad awkward seeing her after over ten years. But at least Moms gonna be here. Weāll just be awkward together.
Mom even did the āAre you mad at me?ā thing and I said no. Like a damn liar. Best to just bottle it up for now.
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