whenever drawing traditionally my anxiety does this thing where i grip the pencil in a certain way, usually very tightly to where my index and middle fingers are always covered in blisters from the pressure, and I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
I remember for my final I had to draw a flower. I’m not a huge flower-y person but I used to listen to a Nightwish song called Amaranth which is kind of like a red flower so I drew that on black paper.
My art instructor went into detail about how we could choose white or black paper, kind of like choosing between a different type of canvas, (I literally had no idea just a few sheets of paper could be so expensive lol) and how the differences between the white and black paper influence the way the colors pop. Something along the lines of having the darker colored paper helps some of the darker colors pop more vibrantly where lighter paper makes lighter colors pop more.
All I could think of was how much I wanted to make the lighter colors pop against the dark paper, which I thought would look so cool.
Suffice it to say, I ended up going all in, despite having zero experience in colored pencil. I lightly shaded the entire sheet in white pencil and lighter colors before actually coloring in the flower.
In one picture only, I pretty much used up ALL the colored pencils I have. I colored so much that I literally used up the entire dang pencil. For each shade of red and pink and white that I did use. Like, the whole thing lol.
It didn’t quite end up as bright as I thought it would in my head, but I remember my teacher pulling me aside in private to tell me that he was a little surprised for how well it ended up despite being the first time actually using colored pencil.
That meant a lot to me. I didn’t know how to express my gratitude very well at the time but it was my favorite experience in that particular school.
School hasn’t really worked out for me in the long term though, too many personal issues interfearing with my ability to function and have a healthy mind. I really do miss it though. I miss my classmates and my teachers.
