Okay. So where do I start? Why am I writing this? Who cares if some rando decides to leave the game? I’m not really writing this for others its more for myself so that I can find some closure with my experience with pug players on WoW and group practices that finally set off some triggers in me personally. If someone reads this and can take away something from it, then it’s a bonus. I’ll try to keep this short.
Quick background summary - I suffer from borderline personality disorder. It’s summarized as a fear of abandonment. When I was a kid I was a bully victim in a time where there were no resources or support. I would get ejected from games and sports (basketball) because the kids there were overly competitive. Leaving me alone, outcasted, and some cases harrassed (because I wasn’t that great). Even with practice, I would be picked last and have no chance to prove myself. My mother was emotionally unavailable and supervising adults didn’t do much. As a result I withdrew from social circles until I started finding human connections through gaming. It stuck with me throughout my life. Yes. I am going to therapy and it’s done wonders.
So what does that have to do with me giving up WoW? I’m getting there. As I have said, gaming has allowed me to make connections. WoW was a major one, then life happened. I graduated college and got married. Slowly lost of my friendships over the course of 10 years until I got a divorce. Finding myself alone I was able to find connections with a gaming community who have been very supportive. We all decided to pick up WoW and I’m the only one still playing. Why? I was enjoying the leveling experience and wanted to see what end-game had in store.
That was until I saw heroic pugs. Not Raid LFG or normal. See people in LFG and normal are actually not bad. They are kind and we can goof around a bit. But then heroics is a completely different type of people. These players in my experiences have 0 tolerance for even the smallest misteps. Perfect example was last night when I pugged Silkran on heroic. I was top 5 in dps meter and I failed to do the slice mechanic because my screen is lit with a million pixels worth of color. I’ve done this fight multiple times. I know what to do, but that was just a fail on my end. I typed “my b” in chat and kept going. Suddenly I noticed I wasn’t getting any more healing so I topped my self off with a potion and defensive CDs. Until I died. We didn’t wipe mind you. We still beat the fight with flying colors. I just looked at where my raid grid would be and saw its gone. Checked chat and it said I “left” the group. Cool. 0 tolerance and 0 grace given for a small mistake.
This wouldn’t be the first time I would get kick for “poor performance”. Most of the time I get kicked from a group when we get to The Silken Court. Didn’t even get a fight in. The group just parks and since I wasn’t on the top 5 I get booted. Which I understand, if they wanna clear they clear and I needed more time to get at that level. On the flip side I have devoted an hour of my time and commitment into a raid that I will not see the end of nor a chance at rewards. 1 or 2 boots isn’t a big deal, but in my case I have not yet seen heroic Queen or Silkren Court because of this practice. My experience here isn’t one where I’m not trying, but rather the opportunity to try is being taken away. Can I just go back to the premade group finder and join a group at those checkpoints? I’ve tried. I just get declined. See a pattern here?
What was once a place in my life I could find some measure of belonging has become the same place as my childhood. Going into end-game I understood the community is “toxic”, but I wasn’t prepared how bad it actually was. I was actually triggered by that last night. I had to leave the game and sort myself out emotionally. It was the straw the broke the camels back.
Wow players become so brutally cold and calculated that they treat each other with callace. I saw one wipe on Uvonax and chat started going wild screaming at each other in playing the blame game. It was so demoralizing that we performed far worse the second time around. No player should have to be exposed to such a high-level of scrutiny. It’s just a game after all. I deal with this enough at work.
So after my mini-meltdown I took a long look at my relationship with this game and I simply asked myself, “am I having fun?” The answer was “no” by the way. So I’m canceling my subscription, taking a couple days away from gaming, and maybe return to a different game with my friends.
As I said, I’m no one important. I didn’t write this for validation - just to vent and get some closure. I’ve put a lot of time and effort in my short period playing this game. So I’m writing this on the forum simply so that I move on. I’ve played many MMOs, but this community is by far the worst. Which is sad to say because I’ve had the pleaure of meeting some really nice players and having great interactions with them. It’s just become too much and my only regret would be that I could get all the BiS or see Mythic level. But I know that I would be far happier putting in my time and effort with a community that also gives back in the form of fun vibes, and great memories.
So if you made this far thanks for reading. It means a lot, truly. To the players in this community I did have fun with; you guys were great. To those who take a cold anominity approach to raids - have a bit more grace and remember that you are interacting with a person on the other side of your screen. Smooth perfect runs are a dime a dozen. It’s far better for everyone to just chill and have fun along the way. Just remember that BiS that you are chasing after and mistreating people for will be outdated in a couple of months, but you will be remembered for the way you make people feel rather than how high up the ladder you climbed.
I wish you all the best of luck.
P.S. I will not be responding to this post. I’ll probably leave it up for the next couple of days before deleting.
