Sure thing, and thanks for reading!
I own up to my faults, I have always had personality disorders (that I’m way more cognizant of now, so I can at least try to be better), was never really in the workforce so brought nothing to the table financially (I went to college late and still didn’t work, that looked bad according to the women in my life now), and was not a stable person who would make a suitable father. Still am not, I cannot even handle a puppy. I’ve been medicated for over 10 years and for all my faults now am light years better than I was in my 20’s.
Blaming women for not wanting to date an unstable weirdo is kinda the wrong tact, ya know? At least in middle age I found a good one, better than what I was assuming which was that I just never would, with nothing to look forward to but degenerate alcoholism and preferably an early demise. I was well on my way to an early grave before I met her, that’s for sure. Now I’m afraid to die before we live long full lives together, go figure.
And she’s a saint for having me. Because I’m still a bit of an unstable person and definitely still a huge weirdo.
That incel community does not own its faults from what I can tell. I’ve had to work very hard just to get to where I am, which is still way way behind for my age etc. They’d rather externalize it onto the very things they want, which like I said even in the darkest depths of my despair never seemed like a reasonable proposition.
After a final rejection by a close college friend (“I’m just not attracted to you” was what she said) I went off the deep end and became “human dysphoric” ie “did not feel like a person” and developed strange ideas about being an agent of aliens and whatnot that got me a heck of a diagnosis. Still not sure what all that was about since I’ve been medicated. I kinda want to believe that was a real paranormal experience with some sort of meaning to it but in all liklihood I was just off my nut.
Even at that point though I was more content to write about female characters or put my fictional characters into relationships (admittedly poorly since I didn’t know much about RL women or relationships) and even preferred to play female characters in games, which I’m still wont to do. I lived a pretty pro-feminine life right up to the end of being single, and still do.
I mean if you want to look for crappy females they are out there (like the older woman who abused me in high school, a whole other story), but to color an entire gender is madness.
Again, thanks for taking the time. Appreciate it, most people just want to flame me here. Or look down on me for “excessive sharing.” I’m just an alien having a human experience I guess. Or a human having an alien experience, not sure which it is.
