[Goblin H-RP] <Flashbang Exports> Boomtastic!

Moon Guard
495

"The 3rd Annual Gilzleton Grand Prix!"

Hosted by your favorite all-goblin guild, Flashbang Exports, the race is open to all MG Horde members of the community. There are great mount and pet prizes to be won!

When: 8pm server time (CST), Saturday April 24 2021
Where: Meet at Scrabblescrew’s Camp, Desolace
What: A 5-lap mounted mechano-hog race with 2-person teams

Event poster:
https://i.imgur.com/AbRRyuC.png

Race course map:
https://i.imgur.com/ORkI322.png

Race Schedule:
8pm: Event sign-ups + food/entertainment
8:30pm: Pace lap begins
9pm: The race is on!
9:45pm: Prizegiving ceremony + afterparty

Rules:

  1. Vehicles are limited to 2-person Mechano-hogs. Traveler’s Tundra Mammoth and Grand Expedition Yak have been disqualified due to a speed advantage.
  2. Flying 2-person mounts e.g. Sandstone Drake, Heart of the Nightwing are NOT permitted;
  3. Each 2-person team consists of a driver and a co-driver (map reader);
  4. Paladins and Death Knights may not be drivers due to speed bonuses. They may be co-drivers only;
  5. Drivers must be level 40+ and have learned the maximum land speed riding skill;
  6. Any driver or co-driver under level 40 may attract unwanted Desolace pests, such as buzzards, hyenas, and basilisks. This is part of the entertainment, and race management takes no responsibility for unexpected deaths during the race;
  7. Race teams must follow the guidance of the race signage at all times. Raid markers will be used to help mark the course;
  8. Race teams must undertake the ‘pace lap’ which is a demonstration lap to ensure that everyone understands the course. When everyone is back, the actual race will begin;
  9. The race consists of 5 laps of the circuit (see map link). Each lap takes approximately 5 minutes to complete;
  10. The race course includes obstacles such as bones, rocks, and water courses. This is intentional. Navigate them as best you can.
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Excited to be part of Flashbang! Not as excited about the in-game guild feature being broken - I can’t chat with my new gob friends! Looking forward to seeing you all at the events!

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Welcome aboard Kwizzlix! I sent you a guild discord invite so you can talk to us there. At least that one isn’t broken!

Come and join the fun.

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Flashbang Exports is hosting the Gizleton Grand Prix TOMORROW NIGHT at 8pm CST in Desolace!

See Hercula’s post above for details. There’s still time to organise to be in a race team (just message me on Discord: Flywheel#4087 ) or send me a message/letter in game. You can even just rock up on the day and we’ll find you a partner!

In other news, Flashbang Exports has been growing steadily and we have the lovely Kiwi doing all sorts of RP prompts in our discord server. Along with her pal Coffindodger, they’re planning a regular RP event at the Pleasure Palace in Azshara!

For those that like a more casual RP scene, we have a weekly Tavern Night (including trivia!) on Saturdays at 8pm hosted by Takona!

We have a regular PvP battleground event on Sundays at 10pm, run by Vyzlee. A great chance to get some honor and blast the Alliance! (Did I mention there are explosions?)

Our mythics teams are doing keys in the range M5-M8s, and we love guild groups because we always finish our runs (even if over time) and pugs are dreadful!

We’ve almost finished normal Castle Nathria (currently 9/10) and after we get Sire down, we will be moving onto Heroic. We are especially short on DPS warriors and warlocks! We have a great team of 15-20 people that runs on Fridays from 10pm-12am CST.

Find us on Guild Finder, or join our discord (link below) to become a member today. Remember we are GOBLIN ONLY!
https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

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Am glad to be of help. I always enjoy the people and fun my Trivia and Tavern hosting bring!

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The results of the 3RD ANNUAL GILZLETON GRAND PRIX have just been announced!

1st Place: Wuggles and Reemee - “2 Quick 2 Angry”
Prize: 5000g and a Spectral Porcupette pet each

2nd Place Kennidee and Vyzlee - “The 1 Hit Runners”
Prize:2000g and a Stitched Pup pet each

3rd Place TIE: Banxizia and Tamikah - “Mecharrow Maniacs”
Kiwi and Rilek - “Green on Green”
Prize: 500g each and a False Knucklebump pet (limited supply)

No one won the OLD SOCK for coming last! I think they rigged it so no one had to claim it.

See you again for more race action next year!

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Flashbang Exports has done it! We’ve cleared Normal Castle Nathria on a 2 hour a week raid schedule! (10pm-12am Fridays). We blasted our way through Sire Denathrius. We overcame hurdles when we got a bit stuck on Lady Inerva Darkvein and Council of Blood…but we keep trying and got there. Our all-goblin raid has got what it takes - tenacity and perseverance!

We started our Heroic journey tonight and got Heroic Shriekwing down on our 3rd pull. Time for Huntsman Altimor - a bit of tweeking to go, but we are most of the way there. We look forward to dishing out that ilevel 213 loot to our guidlies!

NOTE: We are currently short on WARLOCKS and WARRIORS (any spec).

We don’t do raid try-outs. Everyone is welcome to come along, provided they have reached an ilevel of 190-200, can show up on time, and follow instructions on discord voice chat. We don’t yell at each other or compete. We’re a team, bro!

But Flashbang Exports doesn’t just raid! We also do mythic plus, Torghast, and Island Expeditions (yep, from BfA) - as well as a weekly Tavern Night and other monthly RP events such as our guild meeting coming up next Saturday in Fuselight, Badlands.

Flashbang Exports is proud to support financially and vertically challenged folks from all walks of life! We don’t promise to be cutting edge, but we do promise you a fun home where can relax and have fun - all in a family-friendly environment.

Here is our discord if you think you’d like to hang out with us!
https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

You can also find us in Guild Finder in game. No application required - you just have to be a goblin!

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Hey guys! Flashbang Exports is holding its monthly guild meeting at 9pm to 10:30pm server time CST this Saturday in Fuselight, Badlands.

This is a great opportunity to be inducted IC into the guild and learn more about our activities and meet our members!

If you would like to join our all goblin, family friendly lifestyle, please find us on Guild Finder in game, or ask one of our members for an invitation. The only criteria is that you must play a goblin character.

We also have a very busy discord!

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Hey, hey Guardians of the Moon! It’s your ole pal Eddy P. Here once again to wax poetic on the Boomtastic goodness known as Flashbang Exports. And yeah, I know Fly already did my job talkin’ bout our upcoming guild meeting this Saturday night. But, I gotta earn my pay see? So you get some extra sprinkles on top of the big flywheel of cheese. Hehehe

See what I did there?

Anyways. So what is it dat makes Flashbang so good? So amazing you want to dance in front of a stampeding herd of expedition yaks cause your so excited?

It’s da peeps! You won’t find a bettah group of Gobs in all of Azeroth. Glitz, glam, gold? Sure. We got dat a plenty. But we got more, see? We got Gobs willing to help you get your glam on. So much so, that your ole pal here was invited to be a CELEBRITY judge for a beauty pageant, hosted by an ALLIANCE entertainment company.

Shockin, I know. But let me tell yaz. We didn’t accept ONE bribe (not that any were offered), and we brought pageantry to an in-tiyah new level. All doze nay-sayahs who thought we’d rig the system were completely wrong. Provin once and for all, Goblins are as good as any, and better than most. Of course, dats MY opinion.

So, whatdayasay? Why not give the Gob life a try and come out to the guild meeting in Fuselight, just like the big Mahoney mentioned above. And when you do, tell em Eddy P. sentcha. I’ll be glad ya did!

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Hey folks! Just a quick reminder that we are still alive and very busy!

Everyone else might be taking a break before 9.1, but not us! Nope, we’re still chugging along at our own casual pace. We took the time to smell the roses along the way, see? So we still have plenty to do and buildings to blow up!

This month, we’re bringing back Thelldrix Drillsmash’s Legacy Mogs & Mounts! Yes, we’re heading back into BfA content to finish off some old guild raid achievements we didn’t quite complete the first time through. 2695 guild achievement points to our name!

In addition, we’re still working on Heroic Castle Nathria, and Mythic+. We’ve got our regular Tavern Night on Saturdays at 8pm, when we’re not busy with guild meetings and invading the Alliance disguised as gnomes! You can also RP in our discord with Kiwi’s RP prompts.

Also I have another Goblin Lore Expedition in the works. You’ll hear more about that in July.

Rock on folks! Come and try #goblife at Flashbang Exports today. It’s a guild unlike any other that you’ll find on ANY server!

Discord link below.
https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

Or find us on Guild Finder in game.

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Hey hey, Moon Guard! How ya doin? It’s your ole pal Eddy P again, with a guessin game just for youz guys. Here it is, Ready? Know what’s hap’nin tonight in Fuselight?

shakes his head at the mouth breathing Gnome in the front row. The one with the bad comb over and beady little eyes

No, not THAT! What sorta guild do you think we are? Sheesh. Anyone else?

It’s Flashbang Export’s main event! Guild Meeting time in the Badlands! That time of the month everyone loves. Schemes galore, profits swirling like a dust storm, and that fantabulous moment when the new employee of the month is crowned AND PAID! Mhmm. Big coin, too.

rolls his eyes at the sleezy Gnome

BIG coin, not BIT coin. Gnomes. Who eats coins?

Anyways. As I was sayin, Employee of the Month is wide open this time, meaning bribes will flow like wine. And if you care to enjoy the Gob life, come on down, join the guild, and get bribed, too! It’s a free-wheelin good time that can’t be beat across the realms. Only caveat: ya gotta be a Goblin. shrugs Sorry, but only Gobs can enjoy the Gob life.

Also, when you sign, tell em your ole pal Eddy sentcha. I’ll be glad ya did.

Location: Fuselight, Badlands, building with the spy scope on top. 9pm -10:30pm Server Time.

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Eddy…we gotta postpone! There’s some big shindig happening in Orgrimmar. They callin’ it HOMEFRONT or something like that. RAINCHECK…RAINCHECK!

The Flashbang Exports is now NEXT Week on Sat 19th June at 9pm. See you gobs there. If ya haven’t signed up yet. Ya got one week!

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Great group of goblins! 10/10

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Hey, hey Gob fans! It’s your ole pal Eddy P. here to warn you Alliance types about a new Gnomish uprising threatening the very existence of Azeroth. Yeah, seriously. DANE-JER-US, pal. Just like an infestation of fire ants in your gramma’s punkin patch. They ain’t stoppin there, I can tell ya dat right now!

Anyways…

Our spies from the famous and fabulous GTL sapper squad came across this uprising in the spiritual heart of Stormdrain itself. Front and center on the steps of the holy light church cathedral… or whatevah youz guys call it. And get this: doze schmucks are raising capitol to build a GI-NORMOUS, solid-gold statue of some Titan god they’ve started worshipin!

No, you don’t get the drift he-yahs. It’s one thing ta have a rat race fel-bent on technology and pseudo-science, but now they’ve found religion?! Like I said, it’s the end of Azeroth as we know it. Or as YOU know it. Us Horde-types are safe and sound, protected by state of the art Goblin technology.

But YOU! Youz guys are in trouble. UNLESS you join them. Mhmm. Dats right. Donate to that statue of theirs. Don’t make em mad, let them go about their religion in peace. Leave them to us Goblins. We know what to do with gold mongerahs like them.

And when they clear out and leave youz guys in peace, safe to preach about the Light in the comfort of your own city, you know who to thank.

Dats right. The kind and goodly Goblins at Flashbang Exports. Oh! If you think you got what it takes ta live the Gob life, and help put an end to fake kaja kola thoughts that Gnomes create, then send your Goblin our way. We’ll make him feel like a king.

And when ya do, be sure to tell em your ole pal Eddy P was da one that got things rollin. I’ll be glad ya did!

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wheezes
dying
again

Eddy P you’re killing it

Kings and Queens all of em

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For those of you that need a translator for Eddy P’s thick gobbo accent - it basically boils down to this:

We ransacked Stormwind as goblins disguised as gnomes and we got away with the crime without a scratch…hahaha!

Here’s some screenshots of us causing mischief. A bunch of pink-haired gnomes is nothing unusual, right? What till you hear our speeches! We even got some willing donators to our new ‘religion’! This scheme is profitable!

https://i.imgur.com/2zVXFMn.png
https://i.imgur.com/4Iqeh6K.png
https://i.imgur.com/onsYYJ9.png

Now, achem just in case ya’ll thought we goblins are just a bunch of goofballs, we do have some SERIOUS stuff going on too.

We got mythic keystones running tonight for our late night folks and one last week to smack Sire Denathrius around in Castle Nathria before we head to SANCTUM OF DOMINATION!

We’ll be starting on Normal difficuly on Fri 9th July - and chipping away slowly. Gotta have time to spread those rainbows, tell jokes and uh, right! Kill stuff.

So, who wants to be reborn goblin and join our fabulous crew for Patch 9.1?!

Currently on the look out for:

  • warlocks
  • mages

Do you like to sling spells? We could use you! I mean…er put you to good use.

Just take the employment contract, would ya? SIGN IT!!
https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

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nearly chokes on his fruity pineapple cocktail

Uh, what was dat? Hehehe Clearly the boss was out ta dinner that night and got some bad information. Goblins disguised as Gnomes? Are ya kiddin me? We might like schemes an such, especially if they’s profitable, but to dress up like pink-haired, lab-rat Gnomes! Da nerve! Dat new guy, whatshisface, just got his pay docked for spreadin hate speech to da big kahuna. Lucky he ain’t muckin outhouses for the next year.

Anyways…

clear his throat with a nervous laugh

Sorry about the false information, Alliance. We here at Flashbang Exports adamantly deny those facts and want you to know that we would ‘never’ stoop so low for just a bit of gold. opens his arms wide and grins Hey. Would I steer ya wrong?

But what IS accurate from that swack of devious misinformation is the raidin part. If dats your thing, workin hard for the boss lady, stormin the castle for loot, glory, and prestige, then join the team. It’s fun, friendly, painless, profitable. What could be better?

So come on down to Flashbang Exports. Live the Gob life, and when ya do, tell em Eddy P sentcha. I’ll be glad ya did.

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Flashbang Exports news update!

Hey goblin pals,

Flashbang Exports is currently running on a reduced production schedule - budget cuts and all that, yadda, yadda. But the factory is still running if ya lookin’ for work! Mythics, Torghast, and Tavern Night still up for grabs for those of ya that need some pay incentives!

Check out our marketing brochure for contact details. Remember, if ya want some more BOOM in ya life, it’s time to go goblin!

Chat to ya’ll soon.

Cheers,
Flywheel

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Hey, hey, Moon Guards!

It’s your ole pal Eddy P shoutin out to yaz from my atop my flamingo-shaped pool floatie! Dats right, I’m livin’ the Gob life: lazin’ round my pool, drinkin’ pineapple cocktails, all from the comfort of my double-wide on the corner of Gold and Easy Street. Don’t get much bettah than dat, I can tell yaz!

Anyways…

Why’m I writin’? Well, as you probably DON’T know, the hard workin’ Gobs at Flashbang Exports are easin’ back on the profit pedal for a bit, see? Walkin round the Maw, dealin with the dead/not-so dead beings in the SL has taken it’s toll on the ole Goblin can-do spirit. Who’da thunk spending time in the underworld would suck the life from ya?

Whatevah.

Still, our factory’s churnin’ out weapons by the gajillions, bombs, rockets, cast iron Gnome-splattahs, da werks! So we’ve always got room for new Gobs lookin for life on easy street. The door’s always open, just ignore the ‘gone swimmin’ signs on the management’s doors. We’ll be back when the rum’s gone.

Till then, be safe out there. And if ya feel like living the Gob life, join on up! There’s plenty going on, plenty around to welcome you home. And when you do, tell em your ole pal Eddy P sentcha. I’ll be glad ya did!

((OOC: life, the universe, and everything has really hit the guild hard, especially participation of in-game content. By no means are we gone, we’ve just stepped back a bit to catch our collective breaths. We still have members on at all times, being the helpful-helpers that we are. Our Discord is very active, a perfect home for those who can’t wander the WoW. FBE is a family, and even when times are rough, we stick together.

Stay safe out there. Eddy Potlatch - Supervisor: Sales & Marketing )

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“So, Thell and Fly are on vacation in the Boomhamas living life - or unlife in Thell’s case - like a Bimmy Juffet song and you’re Boss?”

The nod from Kiwi was all Gavoz needed; if there was anybody to be a new Boss, it’d be Kiwi.

“Time to get to work, then.” With a clap of his hands and a discussion in pen and paper, a sketch of a memo was drafted.

"Flashbang Employees,

Any who are still here, the torch has been passed. Kiwi is Head Executive, as decreed by Thelldrix. We have been in absence for too long; the Empire has fallen into some disrepair. I will not attribute blame nor tolerate any who try to say “but but-”.

No. It does nothing to bicker about if anybody was at fault. What does matter is that we need a head count. On December 4th, anybody who is still with us is highly suggested to show up at Fuselight so we may figure out who is actually here. Restructuring will occur after the date, but the time for the Empire in decline is over.

It is our name: Flashbang. And by Gob, the fuse is lit. You’ll hear more in the coming weeks, and I’ll be glad to see you there.

  • Gavoz Bilgefist."
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