Declaration of Heresy: Zurrikane and Gilnean Hair

[Turun-emerald-dream (Turun)]

A LETTER FROM THE SACRED SERVANT Turun I

TO THE PEOPLES OF THE LORD TACT’S HOLY LAND CONCERNING

Zurrikane the Hair Hurricane AND Gilnean Grooming Standards

Greetings blood-children of the Lord Tact,

I have grave news. A new enemy of the Lord Tact has entered Azeroth. It hides in the shadows. It walks among us as allies. It bides its time, and strikes when we least expect it. It will kill our children, suffocate our pets, and tastes absolutely terrible. What is this enemy?

Hair. Specifically, Gilnean hair. Even more specifically, the hair of the Gilneans when in worgen form!

A Gilnean named Zurrikane posted this notice to our public board: Gods of a Deadly Art Recruiting any and all!

It was then that the Lord Tact gave me a vision, recorded in the Book of Tact, in the Violentiam, verse II, section i:

The Lord Tact gave Turun a vision of unkempt hair, messy, tangled, and heretical. The curse that brought abominable hairstyles to Azeroth had once again returned in the form of a new heresy. The Lord Tact commanded his Sacred Disciple to seek it out, sending him far to the north, to the lands of Gilneas. The kingdom was covered by a great darkness.

Having the Dance of Tact in his heart, Turun danced with the wolves, using the Groove of Tact to jazz through GIlneas to the heart of the heresy. At the center of that ruined land, the Seed of Evil lay. With a dancing thrust of his hip, Turun exposed the evil for what it was. The wolf-man Zurrikane had enveloped the entire land of Gilneas within his hair. The Osetium flowed through it, and the Anti-Tact was manifest in every strand.

The Lord Tact commanded his disciples: once again take the Holy Scissors of Tact, and save Azeroth.

The commandment is clear: all faithful of Tact must employ the Holy Scissors of Tact, and fight back against the Hair Hurricane. It infects worgen across the world like a disease, and it is spreading rapidly. The Scissors, employed once long ago to fight against ill-conceived hairstyle trends in Stormwind, will once again be our salvation.

Blessed by the Lord Tact, and consecrated by the Church of Tact, all faithful of the Church must employ the Holy Scissors and trim any worgen they come across. The worgen cannot help it. Unlike blood elves, they do not have a genetic proclivity for decent grooming. The Church of Tact, being the foremost experts in style and spring trends, must fix the problem for them!

The Church of Tact will be running charitable booths in all major cities across Azeroth, where any worgen may arrive to receive a free Holy Haircut of Tact.

Only by giving haircuts to the worgen of Azeroth can we stop Zurrikane the Hair Hurricane and Asiimov, God of Deviant Vegetables! Evil shall not prevail!

Hail Tact!

Grand Hierarch Turun I

[Nearo-emerald-dream (Nearo)]

I’m quite curious as to what the Holy Haircut of Tact looks like. We have a few individuals within the Marines who are afflicted with the Worgen Curse, though they tend to stay in their Human form so I cannot say for certain they suffer from this Foul Fury of Fur.

[Turun-emerald-dream (Turun)]

I’m quite curious as to what the Holy Haircut of Tact looks like. We have a few individuals within the Marines who are afflicted with the Worgen Curse, though they tend to stay in their Human form so I cannot say for certain they suffer from this Foul Fury of Fur.

The Holy Haircut of Tact is not a single form, but rather the sacred act of removing heretical hair from the body with sharpened objects. There are many traditions for accomplishing this, but all have the same goal: introducing holiness.

All worgen undoubtedly suffer from this affliction. Measure your marines’ hair length with a ruler, and you might see divine their heresy. The Church of Tact sells special tape measures that measure distance on a scale of 1 to heresy, for only 3 easy installments of $10.99 GnomeBucks Coffee Gift Cards. Please buy all gift cards from a specific store in Stormwind’s Old District. Ask for Tony when you buy them.

Hail Tact!