What do you get when you put some Nutella in with a bowl of salmon?
salmonella
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Have you heard about those new corduroy pillowcases? They’re making head lines.
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I had an MRI done to my head the other day.
They didn’t find anything.
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When it goes out for milk one day and never comes back!
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I used to tell Dad jokes…
but he just doesn’t understand them any more.
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sad face
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Stealing this.
The doctor said my sugar’s high. I said “Naw, sir. She’s been clean and sober three months this week by the Grace of God”.
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My girlfriend threw a soda at me.
Im ok tho.
It was a soft drink.
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My neighbor gave me a new roof for free.
He said it was on the house.
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Great thread!
Where do bad rainbows go? Prism, it’s a light sentence but it gives them time to reflect.
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
What does ADHD stand for? Attention Deficit- Hey! Donuts!
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Veganism is like Communism.
Both are fine. Unless you like food.
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How to massacre a pizza?
Put pineapple on it.
wiggles toes
Two zombies are eating a clown. One looks over to the other and askes “does this taste funny to you?”
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Why are birds that fly over a bay called seagulls when they should be called bagels instead?
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Other day my dad and I were playing a game. He then suddenly stopped took off his wrist watch, and threw it. I then asked why he did that?. He said he heard “time flies when you’re having fun”.
This one almost got me kicked out of a college physics class:
We’re getting to frequency, so when the professor introduces the unit (hertz), I naturally ask how many cars you can rent per second?
After some groaning, “wow, I guess that joke really Hertz”
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What do you call it when two mechagomes go on a date?
Spring time
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Question: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Answer:
Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scalar.
What’s the difference between a Worgen and a Marine Biologist?
One wags his tail and the other tags his whale.
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