I’m in need of bad jokes The worse the better! What is a rabbit’s favorite beverage?
Carrot flavored beer, it’s full of hops 
3 Likes
There once was a conductor of a youth orchestra. He had trouble controlling his temper sometimes and would lash out violently. One day while in rehearsal, the first violin player was just playing out of turn for no reason. The conductor got so angry he kicked the violin player so hard that he died. The conductor was convicted and sentenced to death.
For his last meal the conductor ordered a dozen bananas. The guard was a bit perplexed, but hey, it’s his last meal… The conductor ate the bananas and went on his way to the chair. They turned on the juice and let him fry, but the conductor lived. In this particular place, if you live through execution, you are set free.
So the conductor went back to what he does best - conducting. Although, he still had violence issues. On another fateful day, the last chair flutist just couldn’t play, and he got fed up and threw a music stand at her and killed her. moving forward to death row, he had the same prison guard look after his last meal. Again, he ordered 12 bananas. The guard was really puzzled, but filled the order. Not only that, but the conductor lived through another electric chair!
For a third time the conductor was back on the podium when a snare drummer was just being loud. The conductor threw his baton at the poor drummer and she fell, dead, with a baton in her eye. The conductor found himself, once again, in that small cell, ordering his dozen bananas. This time the guard couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’ve given you three last meals. Each time you order 12 bananas. I have also never seen anyone live through the electric chair. Do the bananas help that?” asked the guard.
The conductor looked up from his seventh banana and replied, “No, I just really like bananas.”
The guard was shocked. “Then how do you keep living through the electric chair!?”
“Because I’m a bad conductor.”
9 Likes
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
7 Likes
I don’t like corny jokes. They’re too hard to digest.
3 Likes
What’s worse than finding a fly in your soup?
War.
3 Likes
Raging out on twitter because my boss wants me to work in the office.
5 Likes
Why couldn’t the 11 year old get into the pirate movie? It was Rated RRRRR
2 Likes
There is the story of a group of chess enthusiasts, good friends all, who had a long day of chess matches. Late in the evening these friends went to the lobby of the large hotel where the matches were held, to talk talk a bit and rest. While their chat began quietly it gathered steam and got quite animated. They were telling each other of their successes of the day. One said he had won so many matches, another told of how he had beaten better players than himself. After a while of this, the hotel manager came over and summarily threw them all out, saying, “I can’t abide chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”.
6 Likes
Why did the corn go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling a-MAIZE-ing!
4 Likes
Why did the man take a ladder to the party?
He heard the drinks were on the house.
2 Likes
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb has to want to change on its own first.
5 Likes
Who do you call the great?
The Great Cornholio!
1 Like
Why did I have to post here? 
Because my corniness only outmatches my 
hornyness by a small shot.
2 Likes
What did the nurse say when she pulled a thermometer from her pocket?
Ah crap some a-hole got my pen!
4 Likes
What ship never sinks?
Friendship!
I got this from Sims 3 and it stuck with me for years it’s just so cute lol.
2 Likes
Love this one 
1 Like
What does the cabbage merchant use to fix his cabbages?
A cabbage patch.
5 Likes
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
…a carrot. 
3 Likes
What is green and looks through the keyhole? A spynnach
Whats orange and likes to go for walks? A wandarin
1 Like
= / that so bad.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you’re the only 10 I see!
ba dump…sheeeeeeeeeee
1 Like