By the glistening sweat on Odyn’s odiferous unspeakables, we’re in a jimmy of a pickle!
Battle for Dazar’Alor is here and we’re short a few Bad-arsed Mammajammas, which means it’s up to you to step in, flex your muskles and stompkick bosses in their secret special sensitive areas. It’s okay if you’re nervous. We’re putting you on the spot. Queue up Eminem’s “Lose Yourself,” take a minute to recalibrate your chi, couple of deep breaths, and off you go. /swatonthebutt. Go get’em Champ.
We’re recruiting for: Exceptional DPS.
This means you understand that when we say exceptional it’s not the same as when your Gram-grams says you’re special and gives you a Werthers. It means that you know how to play your class, know how to play your offspecs, and can complete a 10+ Mythic Key without leaving the other people in your group with sore backs.
We currently have four (4) open spots for the following:
Melee: Paladin or Death Knight with Tank OS, Rogue
Ranged: Any non-Priest.
Exceptional Tanks will be considered. Genuinely exceptional, not a ‘your mom says you’re special’ sort of way.
Not on the list? Think you can hang? Talk to us anyway.
Our expectations: You are the Chuck Norris to our Bruce Lee. You have previous Heroic and Mythic raiding experience. You understand how your talents/abilities work in a way that you can come up with unorthodox—maybe even Greek Orthodox—ways of working around fight mechanics and delivering us into the promised land of purple shinies. When I say a fight gives me tank@$$, you understand my clenched and puckered plight, because we are comrades, brothers (or brother and sister, it doesn’t matter if you sit down to tinkle, so does Krunk) in arms. Your damaging abilities should be so excellent that Eye of the Tiger and the Karate Kid montage scene song play whenever you’re popping off on bosses. You’re the best … AAAARROOOUND … and nothing’s ever going to keep you down. Na nana. Naaaa nana. Na nanananaiforgotthewords.
S W A R M has reformed on Stormrage from Thrall and raids Tues/Wed/Thursday from Midnight to 3AM Eastern time. That’s 9pm to Midnight Pacific. No one cares about Central. Missouri is there. It’s best we don’t talk about it.
Our Current Progression:
Mythic:_
-Explained to the Champion of Light that Hammer Time Backup Dancers went out of style like … 20 years ago.
-Did a Karate kid Montage on the Jadefire Masters with the proper Joe Esposito “You’re The Best Around” music overlay.
-Rang Grong’s Gong.
Heroic:
-Snuffed out the Champion of Light.
-Told John Wick the Jadefire Masters killed his puppy.
-Grong? Not so strong.
-Cashed in the avatar of Opulence. All we got was about tree fiddy.
-Called on the Avatar of Whoop@$$ for the Conclave.
-Dethroned King NotatallathinlyveiledracistnameBLIZZARD and his Loa, Bob Salami.
-Handed High Tinker his nuts. (And bolts. And washers. And vas deferens.)
-We uh … Clam Jammed the Blockade. cough.*
-Uploaded a video to a “certain website” titled “Group of 17 pounds frigid blond.” I don’t think it was the right audience, but totes worth it.
If you’re interested in progressing with a group of goofball ne’er-do-wells, have what it takes to put on your serious face for 9 hours a week and knockout progression and are looking for a HOME and not just a guild, we should talk.
By now you’re frothing. Hopefully just at the mouth, but, hey, we don’t judge. Your next step is contacting one of our officers.
Once Shot A Man Just To Watch Him Die Recruitment Officer: Vahlx#1381
Your Functioning Alcoholic Tank And Recruitment Post Writer: Bellanca#1591
Uses a Nintendo Power Glove to play Warcraft III: Krunkledunk#11575