Widowmaker's romantic night out

General Discussion
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(Requesting in advance to please pardon my blood alcohol content.)

Zenyatta: Ah, so we’re finally on a date, my dear Amelie. Genji recommended this experience to better understand humanity. I have been a fan of you for quite some time.

Widowmaker: Fans create a cool breeze. And I do so love ice cream in the morning. But morning can only come after… sleep.

Zenyatta: Should I call Mei?

Widowmaker: Mei scares me; she pretends to be sweet but is really the earthly manifestation of Satan. Her ice cream, it freezes your very soul. And when you die, she giggles. But… go to sleep. Go to sleep my dear Zenyatta so I can finally feel… alive.

Zenyatta: only after a little spirituality.

(52 hours later)

Zenyatta: …after cleansing spiritual impurities in favor of a peace of mind, one can focus all thought on a single point and achieve total clarity, with every last ounce of effort devoted to one thing. Total clarity, total effort. It is only then that we can conclude that humanity…

Widowmaker (with crazy bloodshot eyes: ) …DON’T YOU EVER SLEEP, YOU TIN CAN?! A SOUTH KOREAN PRO STARCRAFT PLAYER WOULD HAVE DIED AT HIS COMPUTER BY NOW!

Zenyatta: D.Va played Starcraft 94 hours straight and her mind… well… about her mind; that explains a few things.

Widowmaker: There is only one way I can feel alive tonight! (blows her own brains out with a gun and crumples into a dead bleeding mess.)

Zenyatta: Now I get to contemplate whether one can achieve enlightenment with brains sprinkled generously on the floor. Curious. I must seek out Genji for a dialogue on the matter (floats out.)

Doomfist: Sombra! Get a mop! Widowmaker blew her own brains out again.

Sombra: dammit, now I have to con Angela Ziegler into bringing her back to life again. Do you have any idea how hard it is to blackmail an angel? The pretty girl’s about as naughty as a nun.

Doomfist: This is why Widowmaker is not supposed to have any feelings. This is the fifth time she’s pulled this expletive this week. I am so sick of scooping her filthy brains off the floor, I can’t even tell you.

Sigma: in space, there IS no floor.

Doomfist: shut up, Mr. Tenure. Or I won’t get you the shoes I promised. Or that autographed Harry Potter straightjacket.

Sigma: rest in peace, floor; in space, nobody can hear you scream. Not even Harry Potter.

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No… Just no.

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You have no idea how hard I laughed reading this…

Well, that explains it, but…be careful. Being drunk is…not fun. Well, maybe a little bit.

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Thank you, bro. The accolades help the world spin 'round and 'round.

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This’s the forum content I signed up for. Nice fanfic!

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It’s fun when it’s not you who’s drunk.

sometimes!

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Widowmaker has many fans; not many of them are alive though. She feels so badly about it.

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Well… at least we got new lore to Overwatch :neutral_face:

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Idk why but the first thought I got after reading this is that she killed them >_>

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Widowmaker? Killing somebody?

Unpossible.

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not enough rule 34…

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Wait, is that a reference to forum user Coolbreeze? Since they are a Widow main… o_O

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Pure coincidence. Pure vodka.

Do you think Grade 93 gasoline tastes better than Grade 87?

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The more expensive one is always better.

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So, do you age gasoline like you age red wine?

Widowmaker would probably know, being French and all.

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This’s the weirdest test I’ve ever taken.

Answer: probably? Idk if it’ll taste better with age tho, unlike wine.

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If it takes aging gasoline to fully feel alive, then by golly, we must age our gasoline.

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Bless. From now on, I’m only drinking 5 or 6 year old gasoline so I can feel alive.

I gave you my last few likes. gotta wait a few hours now ;-;

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Much obliged!

Apparently, these fancy 600-dollar-a-plate French restaurants have such small portions that you need Greek gyros two hours later.

Now THAT is what I call a multicultural dining experience. Paris and Ilios all in one session,

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Oh I’m payin’ dat 600 bucks. The delight of Paris with a little bit of Greek history and we got a treat.

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