Clearly this mode creates the most issues with hero balance, leavers, and by far generates the most complaints we see on Reddit and the forum. Since everyone obviously hates ARAM, the best solution is to delete it completely and focus development efforts on balancing heroes for draft modes as well as fixing persistent bugs.
There, is everyone happy now?
I know this is a joke thread. But Iāll respond earnestly.
I was okay with them when they were brawls. As someone whoās decent on the actual micro and team fighting portion of the game, I think I did pretty well in them too (if I could pick a hero I was competent with). But I just never really understand it as a full blown mode where people dedicate themselves to and take super seriously. Just like I donāt get the people who want Escape from Braxis as a permafixture.
But then again, what do I know, I didnāt understand DOTA in WC3 either lol. And here I am playing HOTS.
We also need to remove master lists. Everyone hates those too!
Being serious for a minute, for me, ARAM (and QM) are chances to force myself out of my comfort zone, so what I canāt identify with are the people who are upset that the mode is basically designed to force people out of their comfort zone. Same with QM. The whole point is that you shouldnāt expect perfect comps, heroes you have mastered, or not having to face counters.
So if people hate that so much they want to basically turn ARAM into something it was never meant to be, it actually makes more sense to just get rid of it. At least that way no one has to put up with people constantly whining about it. Everyone can put up with people whining about Valeera in QM instead!
Yeah, and I honestly donāt even know why they would remove Artanis vs Artanis, all that stupid swapping and dings sounds delightfully dumb.
Go ahead, rub salt in the wound. I never got a chance to experience just how glorious that would be. 
Never played it (played brawls though which was fun) and I can count on one hand how many pvp matches I have, but it just baffles me people complaining about a game mode whose name is a dead giveaway at what is to be expected; something to not take seriously. As you wrote, it yanks you out of your comfort zone.
It baffles me equally as much for people to complain and yet continue to keep playing it. I do not enjoy PvP like I used to, so I stay away, not jump into the fray with others to then whine about it on here, reddit, or somewhere else demanding changes for a mode I do not enjoy.
I wouldnāt mind seeing a PvE mode of it against bots or with bot allies. A lot of vs A.I matches end up being pseudo-ARAM matches with everyone tunneling middle lane anyways.
Nope, not happy; most of the issues are QM, not aram 
QM adopts Arams shuffled hero selection so comps can be more ānormalā
ARAM is straight ārandomā with weighted hero distribution, to prioritize select teams, but specific heroes can be swapped with teammates.
Unranked draft is merged with ranked play and ranked seasons are shorter in length, but have durations of unranked between seasons.
Placeholder assets are thrown togetherto fill out the roster with more team themes. (eg. green and blue dragonflight, protoss healer, demon/angles to fill prime spots, etc etc)
ā¦
profit
Game was much more fun when people were creating ARAM lobbies which dont exist now and we all qued up with random man. Now its just remove this remove that/no one asked for this. And everytime its always some minority groupe that think they know what is best for the game.
Like if people hate how ARAM is now then there are plenty of other game modes to play but whatever you cant reason with ARAM only players. If something changes to thier fav game mode they all gets mad. Like why do people need to get mad over something that only pops up once every 100 games ? Then people are really walking in small shoes nowdays if such a small problem is almost a life changing event.
What you have now is just what happens when minority people have too much power over the game. When one groupe sees they can affect the decition making of the devs others will do the same. Then what is left is a ruined game.
Honestly, no!
I love my wacky QM, crazy compositions, off-meta builds.
What i love the most in HOTS is a no healer game, and i get quite a few of those in QM.
I love playing damage over time heroes especially Lunara but also Guldan and a no healer game is a blessing when playing those.
The ānormalā games with a healer and a tank are not my cup of tea.
So letās leave those "normalā ones for SL and the shuffled hero selection for ARAMās.
No, donāt change QM. I will literally quit this game overnight if they change the way QM works in any fashion. I need my āplay Nova and Orphea and no one elseā mode.
Iām not happy. They are removing my sweet Butcher and Hogger from ASAM, and while I understand your post is satire, at this point, there are so few heroes in the ASAM pool, they might as well remove this feature. No amount of tinkering and trying to balance ASAM will satisfy the very vocal minority flooding these forums with complaints.
While I donāt agree with those demanding ASAM to be completely removed, I understand some of the negative sentiment. With the development of Hots mostly on pause, changes made to popular modes such as QM/ARAM have the potential to alienate the loyal player base that Hots retains. As patches are infrequent, changes that are received negatively due to player preference, or a patch has broken something, often it means months of waiting for the next patch the might address or fix any problems.
The lesson Iāve learned from this cycle of complaints, is it might be for the best if the Dev in charge restricts changes to making bug fixes and talent adjustments, over adding or changing anything fundamental to the gameplay in QM/ARAM.
For the record, I like ASAM and I think many of the complaints here have been hyperbolic, but itās clearly an issue that people arenāt letting go of any time soon.
ā¦but muh skinergies 
youāre wrong
clearly the problem is actually unranked
I almost forgot that one existed.
yup. like how blizzard forgot this game exists.
Just my personal take:
The people who want ARAM to be the āseriousā and āmainā mode of HotS are those who hate strategy, planning, objectives or multiple lanes.
They want a single lane smackdown to be the main mode because theyāre only interested in fighting other heroes as much as possible.
They want to queue and only smack other heroes with spells and auto attacks as soon as they open the client. They have no interest in any of the other aspects of HotS.
Which isnāt the selling point of HotS. ARAM is specifically a game mode where you can do that, but that is not HotS.
Seeing most of the complains only comes from ARAM only players I agree. The trailer itself had it as a chaotic game mode which could give a mirror match as an bonus. Now people who main this mode just want it to become like ranked but with much faster ques.
ARAM is proof of what can happen in a game when too many minority groupes have too much power to affect the decition makings in Blizzard.
Imagine if they once day decited to ask Blizzard to remove ranked all together and make ranked ARAM ?
If they remove the most popular mode in the game, they might as well just shut the whole thing down. There, happy now?