Instead of asking for something that is never going to happen, I’d rather some of these affixes you propose in this hypothetical item be added to the blue and yellow (rares) pools. That way, you could–hypothetically–get the item you are asking for, without much work from Blizzard, supposing they are even capable of the meagre things.
Too many rares get left on the ground in this game. At least that’s been my experience.
This isn’t “theory crafting”. This is pretending.
Theory crafting is when you try to answer questions like “how to make the highest mf build” or “what is the best pvm bowazon setup”.
I also agree that blues and rares should be able to roll additional stats.
One of my past suggestions is coincidentally similar to hustle. Was it taken into consideration or just chance? I do not know, but it is similar in stat type. “Agility” in Body Armor