She couldnt handle bust-glaring, I knew it was destined to fail…
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I couldn’t handle his Demon’s in the bed with us-- I kept getting kicked out of the bed.
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You looked bigger at the bar.
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She didn’t like my Funsize, Minime self… 
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barfs…
Bloody hell. Barfed all over the floor so much that it was like a Renaissance fountain of puke. Nearly got it on my armor. Glad my roll was not on cooldown.
I especially got pissed when I learned in was Teiah he was barfing over. It has been a while but War between the Alliance and the Horde was reignited with a B*** slap. followed the biggest reception brawl I have been in to date.
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I discovered that he was already married to several other people. And possibly a toaster?
Technically it was an annulment not a divorce.
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When she talked about annulment I thought she was offering some void candy and got into her van. She looked at me evilly and I said the van wasn’t big enough for my favorite spouses and toaster and asked if we could rent a motor home. I found myself on the side of the road with some void candy. It tasted like legal papers. No wonder void elves are so grouchy. /sigh
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Rolled up in a gnomish bus and saw Penumbrae on the side of the road.
“No time to explain get in!!”
“Old gods are coming and we about to enter flying faceless territory. Not sure how this started but I think it has to do with the latest brawl I was in. Didn’t I tell you before not to accept void candy from strangers? its as bad as the acid you carry around which just a FYI we have buyers. Those Divorce papers are just for deniability if things go south. And pay no mind to the naga tied up in the bag.”
“He is insurance.”
(ooc- would have been funnier if I could post a gif not sure why I cant.)
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he cheated on me with twenty girls!
Half of them are blood elves…
WHERE DID HE MEET ALL OF THESE BLOOD ELVES?!?!!??
Also, at least he did not marry me for my chili fries, i think he just wanted to try it out… the massage was alright too.
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I kept hearing about these famous chilli fries, I had to marry him for the chilli fries!
It’s a shame, really, my taste buds weren’t what they used to be when I was living. I would have liked to enjoy those chilli fries at their fullest, but it just couldn’t be.
I did manage to raise his dead great-great-great-grandmother that originally came up with the fries. She gave me the recipe!
He was upset at this, I don’t understand, she is still a looker! A little boney, but that’s okay. I ran off with his great-great-great-grandmother, we are vacationing in Tahiti.
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Great conversations, but I just couldn’t bear the “little” things, if you know what I mean.
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She was a paladin, my wife’s boyfriend told me to stay away from paladins.
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Not sure how we picked up Haust but the whole weekend was documented like this.
Transdimensional gnomes and whatever else had apprehend item from the void of no return. I am still reeling about learning about stale las vegas. Thought world hopping to fight the legion was one thing. but whoever this place was is not something I want to experience again. Hell the old gods visions does not scare me anymore than a strong dose of whatever we got our hands on. I place the blame on Malochai. Even still being a death knight one would have thought he would know what death feels like. But even death itself would feel sympathy when you are coming off substances.
Haust? who was he? oh right some guy I got married to while on a Gnomish buss with Penumbrae’s void candy and Hawkéns chili fries. Had to cut him loose for his own good and hope he was unable to recall what had happened.
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It all started with a Voidberry Muffin from Azshara Bakery. I had just returned from a week long bender and sat the muffin on the table. When Berusein came along and ate the whole thing. At first nothing happened… then he got this wild look in his eyes. He commandeered some kids chuckwagon, called it a Gnome Mini bus, then took off down the street.
Hours later Penumbrae, Malochai, and I are all hanging out at Malochai’s place. Penumbrae’s kicked back with her feet up. Malochai was sporting a peculiar pair of earmuffs Double D, extra padded with underwires, don’t question it. He had just finished his second Bloody Mary, when there was a knock at the door. Having pulled the short straw I stumble to the door, and throw it open. {<.<} looked left, {>.>} looked right, nothing. Looked down there was the Amityville Toaster with Berusein trussed up in it’s cord. The poor mans wallet looked like it had been taken to the cleaners. I assume he might of married Palatina again during his void maddening excursion through town.
After a few minutes of haggling with the toaster I got Berusein, for a stick of hubba bubba bubble gum, a 1977 Dorito, and a few of Penumbrae’s nail clippings. The toaster got the better deal. The legal documents popped up and I signed them. I didn’t realize until later that there was a marriage contract mixed in. All the documents self destructed later that night.
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I came back in to collect my toe clippings as part of a Penumbrae sock puppet to fool Bwonsamdi over a deal I think we made when I was developing my acid potion. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy Izzabelle traded them for Berusein until he looked at me with those puppy eyes. I have no idea where he got them but they got me out of my sour mood, much to Malochai’s happiness as he likes stirring his bloody mary with my er… um… well, tusks and sour tusks are even more contentious than sour fangs. Long story.
Anyway, we were getting along fabulously when Izzabelle wanted to play a round of paper, scissor, rock, lizard, spock. Berusein, still upset over being bested by the toaster had no idea of what a spock was and accused her of gnomish sympathies which got things rather heated. Instead of fighting we decided to see who draws the short divorce papers. I was sad to see her go as I can’t find my credit cards… /sigh
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I wanted to get out in time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCAFD8mMqls
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We howled in unison at the Moon, slammed ales and slaughtered Horde!
But his Troll fantasies were getting out of hand; the final straw was when I found him ordering a ‘Female Troll costume’ in HIS size!
Gone that day!
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She didnt like mud boggin or deer huntin or me chewin tobacco. No self respectin redneck can tolerate that .
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The mud boggin and tobacco chawin was all good fun. But we had many a disagreement about the deer hunting. I was expecting some good venison to eat, but it’s nae edible if ya poison yer blades, lad!
Chili sans Carne just doesn’t cut it! It’s like skim milk, which as we all know, is water that’s lying about being milk.
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