Being in AA myself and a writer I thought I’d take the 12-Steps from AA and convert them to World of Warcraft. Because after all we’re addicted to the game.
The 12 Steps of World of Warcraft Recovery
Step 1:
We admitted we were powerless over World of Warcraft—that Azeroth had devoured our free time, relationships, and any chance of doing laundry.
Step 2:
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves (Blizzard’s random loot system) could restore us to sanity—just after one more Mythic+ run.
Step 3:
Made a decision to turn our will and our wallets over to the Blizzard Store, as we understood microtransactions and mounts we didn’t need but definitely wanted.
Step 4:
Made a searching and fearless inventory of our alts, and accepted that leveling 37 characters to max level might be a problem—but hey, no time was wasted because transmog.
Step 5:
Admitted to Blizzard, to ourselves, and to our guild Discord that we’d ninja looted and rage-quit more LFRs than we’d care to count.
Step 6:
Were entirely ready to have patch notes and balancing destroy our favorite class, and the PvP talents we built our entire ego around.
Step 7:
Humbly asked the devs not to nerf our main spec into oblivion, knowing full well they’d buff Demon Hunters instead. Again.
Step 8:
Made a list of all the raid bosses we’d wronged, and became willing to stop yelling at the pug tank when they pulled trash too early. Except when it was REALLY dumb.
Step 9:
Made direct amends to all the noobs we’d insulted in Trade Chat, except when they didn’t know how to keyboard-turn like a pro.
Step 10:
Continued to take inventory of our crests, and when we forgot to farm them, promptly panicked and did every dungeon at 2 a.m., while simultaneously watching YouTube guides on how to get “BiS” gear.
Step 11:
Sought through raid logs and rotation guides to improve our parses and DPS, praying only for more crit and the RNG gods to finally stop trolling us.
Step 12:
Having had a spiritual awakening (and realizing Classic wasn’t as hard as we remember), we tried to carry this message to other addicts, convincing them to reroll Alliance because it’s obviously the superior faction.