Wicked, the Wicked Warlock

Wicked, the Wicked Warlock, leapt out of the Slaughtered Lamb with her newly enslaved succubus firmly in tow.

“How shall my mistress be addressed?”, asked the comely demon.

Wicked had a name of course, it was just her mother called her a “Wicked Child” so much it finally stuck. With father dead in Gnomeregan and Mother having passed away (tragically at such a young age), few alive knew Wicked’s true name.

“Call me Wicked, the Wicked Warlock!” ™

“The Imp, the Voidstalker, this Succubus, and that cute human Skynet give me four followers!” Wicked fumed, “Four followers is not nearly enough for all of the wickedness I have planned. More followers.”

“Good luck with that you little tyrant”, snarked her Imp.

Wicked paused and with lightning quickness punted the Imp into a wall. A satisfying thud and Wicked was out of the Mage Quarter.

“What to do, what to do?” mused Wicked, “Hide in the planters in Stormwind Castle and throw “Curse of Venereal Discomfort” on all the humans. Nah. Pee in all the water barrels in the Dwarven district? Nah, I’m not nearly boozed up enough to do that…again…today.”

Wicked’s gaze fell upon her newly enslaved Succubus. With a wicked glare in her eye, Wicked headed to the Trade District.

“Time to pimp you out, Lady”, Wicked declared.

“Get some well placed humans under your…our sway…and who knows? Today some influence, and tomorrow? Well, I have always wanted to see me in a crown.”

Wicked laughed wickedly all the way to the Trade District.

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Looks like Wicked is at it again.

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((Love this. Keep it up))

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“EDWIN VAN CLEEF!!!”
Wicked screamed and burned miners.

“EDWIN VAN CLEEF!!!”
Wicked bellowed and corrupted goblins.

“EDWIN VAN CLEEF!!!”
Wicked yelled and drain the lives and souls of pirates.

“EDWIN VAN CLEEF, you disgusting human scum!”
Howled Wicked, the Wicked Warlock.

Indolent, Imset, and Ketet all paused from their relentless advance. “Hey wait a minute Wicked, were humans.” stated Imset plainly.

“Yes, but you are useful human scum, you’re nothing like them. Oh look, the night elf is bouncing again, check 'em out boys,” Wicked announced petulantly, annoyed they had broken the rhythm of her ominous assault.

“Edwin Van Cleef, why won’t you pay me my money?”
Wicked slapped the pirate chief around.

“Edwin, why do I have to come down here to get my money?”
Edwin quivered, “I’m sorry Wicked, it won’t happen again.”

“It better not.I don’t like the smell of this place. Say, I like the look of that shirt. New, isn’t it?”

“Ah, c’mon Wicked your not going to take the proverbial shirt off my back are you?” Edwin whined,

“Be glad I’m leaving you alive, I think this Corsair’s Overshirt is going to be really cute with a belt.” Wicked slipped the shirt on and turned to leave. “I won’t be so nice next time, Edwin.”

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While some may see Wicked as a foul, smelly, little bundle of hate, I choose to see the kernel of good at her core. The light has a difficult time shining through the smog, but the light will prevail, in all of us.

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“Excellent, Imset is being lulled by my cute exterior,” chuckled Wicked wickedly.

Wicked sat at her normal table at the Slaughtered Lamb. She cast her gaze upon the other occupants. Her succubus was the newest member of her demonic court, “Well Hellith, what do you think we should do next?”

“Well, mistress, in the Hells I always heard the most evil of souls claim that the power of advertising has led more people to the dark side than any other force.”

“Yes, I like that idea, we need to advertise, Hukrak get some parchment, useless imp get some blood to write with.”

Wicked sharpened her quill, and pondered, soon her slaves returned with the desired items and she put pen to paper.

'Attention Stormwind residents:
Now is your chance to join the Cult of Wicked!

“Tell them its secret, snobs and elites love secret groups”, chortled the imp.

“Excellent idea,” Wicked furrowed her brow and carefully continued writing.

-This cult is secret so don’t tell anyone about it! Or suffer my Wrath!!!
Join now and get special founders circle benefits.
~On demand Healthstones (limited supplies)
~Secret Cult chat channel
~Quality time with Hellith, my succubus.
~Verbal abuse and special demeaning tasks.
~Bonus foot worshipping opportunities

Yes, all this and more for the low low price of 20 silver (or as much money as you are currently carrying) and a blood oath swearing your loyalty to Wicked.

Example:
Dear Wicked,
I, your name here, pledge my life and soul to you for all eternity, I will worship you, obey you, and rub your feet, and give you first pick of all my loot.

Mail this to Wicked and you will receive a note from Wicked herself, the secret cult greeting and the name of the secret cult channel.

Act now, as this offer is limited!

WIcked gazed at the poster and was pleased with her handiwork.

“Excellent, my demonic flunkies, make a thousand copies and post them all over Stormwind. I need servants and flunkies if I am ever going to be Queen of Stormwind! Now go and do my will!”

The demons scrambled and ran out of the bar in a whiff of brimstone. An awkward silence settled over the bar.

“Bartender, another Bloody Mary, and don’t go light on the blood, and for the sake of my peace and quiet, could you stick a rag in Mary’s mouth!”, bellowed Wicked, the Wicked Warlock ™.

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I am too free-willed to join a cult but I am quite interested to see where this story goes. Keep up the good work!

I love her! All that evil wrapped in such adorable packaging! If only she and my warlock Mel could get together, the chaos they could create! But Mel was raised as Forsaken so she will have to do evil For the Dark Lady instead. Well once she gets over Sylvannas being prettier than her. Shes so concieted.

very excellent stuff this is

Imset left evening vespers feeling good. Things were really starting to come together for him since first arriving in Stormwind. His training was coming along quickly. The surge of power he was feeling from the light, combined with the weapons and armor, let him build an image in his head of the unstoppable holy warrior he wants to be.

The quest he was currently working on would give him a weapon of what, to him just a year ago, was previously unimaginable power. The pride and desire swirled inside him as he entered his room.

Sitting at the small desk was Paladin Commander Dorn in his full plate armor, his perfect battle hammer leaning next to Imset’s pedestrian version. The shine of the full set of plate armor made the mish-mashed set of Imset’s look like rags on the armor stand. Standing in his initiate’s robe only, was that shame Imset felt, or greed at the achievements of his commander? Imset snapped to attention as Dorn pushed a paper across the desk.

“Is everything all right, commander,” Imset asked.

“Fine, fine, sit down please.” The commander was not prone to personal visits, and Imset’s brain started pulling up reasons why he’d be here.

“Have you heard of this Wicked character?” the Commander asked.

“Sir, that’s the warlock I told you about. She was a key to our victory against corruption beneath the streets of Orgimmar, and again when we broke the Defias gang in Westfall.”

“Do you know about the corruption that invades the heart, paladin? You must look deeper into the hearts of your friends, or you might lose sight of yourself.”

“How do I do that?”

“Look to the light, always.”

The Commander stood, grabbed his weapon, and looked into Imset’s eyes, for a hint of his thoughts.

“Don’t let a desire for power cloud your mission, Imset.”

Imset nodded as the Commander exited, thoughts of completing that quest bubbling up, and pushing away the advice of his mentor in the order.

Prella looks at the ad for the Wicked cult and just sighs…

“Just what we need, another warlock making the rest of us look bad!” (facepalm)

All was going to her deliciously wicked plans! Wicked, the Wicked Warlock looked at her demons and smiled. The demons cringed a little.

“Update, I want to know where we stand on all our plots!”, commanded Wicked.

The imp, Zigmat, hopped on the table. “We have nearly completely infiltrated Safe Haven. With you, Moxie, Beast, and Czarina we have the whole guild behind us. They are wrapped around your fingers!”

“Excellent, but I already know that, I want some new news, Hukgak what have you got?” snarled Wicked.

“Mistress, your diabolical plan to make the residents of Stormwind your mind-controlled sleeper agents is working amazingly well. When they read your cult recruitment posters, subliminal glyphs predispose their minds for further manipulation. Listening to your mind-numbing pitches at boat docks, or when you scream as you enter a zone, further opens their minds to suggestions. Lastly flooding the market with cheap ‘Made by Wicked’ bags that contain demonic sigils secretly stiched into the fabric makes this minds subject to control. Anyone that comes in contact with all three: The posters, the pitches, and the bags is now secretly your sleeper agent. We can activate them at anytime, and do so from time to time when we need things done with deniable plausibility.” droned on the Voidwalker.

“Now that is fantastic news! Keep up the evil work. All right Hellith, what have you accomplished?” continued the diminutive dictator.

The succubus licked her lips provocatively, “My mistress I currently have seduced 14 key merchants, 11 well placed guardsmen, 4 guild leaders and one member of SI-7. Continuing with our motif of mind control, I have implanted a key word in each of them which will render them our lackeys. They will be instrumental to our taking over Stormwind, and naming you Queen.”

“Fabulous!!! Well done. And now Nheefun, what on your front? Have you started to destroy our enemies?”

The breathy sound of the Felhunter’s voice was discomforting to all, including the demons, “Wicked, I have contacted the guardsmen in South Shore, he continues to collect bags of murloc heads for us. The fools don’t realize that each bag of head, funneled to us, will fuel a massive curse that will destroy your enemies once and for all. The foolish alliance members never ask themselves, ‘Why would the guards need a bag of heads?’ but their foolish passivity will be the key to our curse.”

“Excellent, all goes according the plan. The Cult of Wicked is now hundreds strong, sleeper agents are everywhere, key figures of Stormwind are under our control. Soon my master plan will be ready to enact, and then all will bow before me!” howled the maniacal mini monster.

“You, minstrel,” Wicked hurled a goblet of dark liquid at some fellow with a lute and a leg iron, “Sing me that song again!”

“Ye ye yes mistress,” chattered the minstrel.

I bite my tongue, she bides her time
Wearing a warning sign
Wait 'til the world is mine
Visions she vandalize
Cold in her kingdoms size
Fell for those evil eyes

You should see her in a crown
She’s gonna run this nothing town
Watch her make 'em bow
One by one by, one
One by one by

Her demons all laughed…

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It appears that Wicked is a bit well… off her rocker. But I shall tread carefully onward as I go by.

Littleboy stood in the darkness. His eyes scanned torch lit faces out on The Rock. The Rock was old. Older than most stone in Stormwind. So many tunnels and sewers in Stormwind. So many places for orphans to run wild, for a whole world of lost boys to flourish under the eyes of the adults. The Rock was a massive slab of dark brown stone in the center of an underground intersection of canals and sewage. The Rock was reputed to hold up the Stockades, and the boys knew a few mouse holes in and out that allowed them to make money passing contraband into the prisoners, and in some cases the guards.

Over there were the Keg Dodgers from the dwarven quarter. Hauling metal and kegs around kept those boys strong, but its Toughgirl Tom that kept them in line. She was named Toughgirl in the boy’s underground lingo that named things what they weren’t especially if they were. Understand?

Like Littleboy’s Liars. They had been the Silver Lions when Littleboy first came to the sewers. They controlled the trade district. When Littleboy took over and led a ‘consolidation’ with the Pewter Candles, formerly of the Mage District they became Littleboy’s Lions, which begot Littleboy’s Lying, which everyone knows he ain’t lying. If he says your dead, your dead and that’s the truth. Now they are Littleboy’s Liars. He and the Liar’s controls all the underactivity of the Trade District and the Mage Quarter. And the mage quarter is home to more than mages.

In the corner, eyeing the Keg Dodgers were the Hard Boys of the Old Quarters. They were the oldest gang in Stormwind. The Hard Boys and the Keg Dodgers kept a hot border. Them being here together showed how much power Littleboy had gained. In the middle of The Rock huddled the Choir Boys and Tim. Tim stole the bishop’s white cat every morning and sold him on the canals. The bishop tracked it down somehow and Tim steals him again. No one gets it, but Tim just keeps smiling and selling that white cat.

Further off, in the shadows barely visible to Littleboy was the Powder Lads from Ironforge. They were little. The orphans of dwarves and gnomes, some of them barely 18 inches tall, but if you messed with them, they would blow off your hand. None of the human gangs felt comfortable with them around, but Littleboy swelled to see them there. Dang, even the Powder Lads had come to the meet.
The Rock was traditional neutral ground in the Stormwind gangland. And Littleboy had managed to call them all into a Meet and Tell.

Littleboy stepped forward into the pool of flickering orange light hushing the nervous chatter that had been echoing through the tunnels and passages.
Toughgirl stepped forward and yelled, “There better be a good point for you calling a Meet and Tell. Ain’t been one is ages it seem like. Why we here Littleboy?” His highpitched voice echoed out of the shadows.

“Tim and the Choirboys, welcome. Toughgirl and KegDodgers, welcome, Hard Boys, and Powder Lads, all are welcome, and all will be glad they were here when this day is over, because it is the dawn of a new day. No more living on scraps, we can get some real juice, some real power, who’s with me!” He raised his fist in the air, and the Liars he had planted around cheered, but it wasn’t enough. “I know a Meet ain’t nothing without a Tell, so before I go any further with this deal, lets get to the Tell.” All the boys subconsciously slid a little closer, they all knew that Littleboy had the best tells and they were always true.

“Now here is the Tell and every word of it is true. When we took over the Mage Quarter, we found out their biggest secret. Under the Slaughtered Lamb there are tombs and tunnels that go down deep and we found some mouse holes to get up in there and we contacted a warlock. They respected us and gave us some work and then the strongest of them all came to me and she said, ‘Your potential is endless’. We start taking care of some work for her and she starts taking care of us. You hears of me getting caught by the guards with their payroll in my pockets and walking away laughing? That was because of the Warlock.” Littleboy’s hand slipped up to the sack hanging around his neck. A green glow could be seen through the fabric in the darkness.

“Come with me Littleboy, I have need of you, and so off I went. I am going to be the youngest Warlock to every get her Felsteed, and you will help me. So off I went with the Warlock. She took me all around the world and I watched her murder demons by the dozens. She would kill a Felhound and scoop outs its brains, then she would rip the wings off Succubi, and the drain the blood of Reavers. Over and over she did this and made me carry all this carnage. I will tell you all know true. I was scared for my life. Next, she had us head further south until I saw a demon as tall as a building. ‘Lord Azrethoc, I want my Felsteed now! I have brought you tribute, give me my steed.’ With a voice I never want to hear again, the demon royalty responded, “Little Warlock you presume to much, you must wait until your peers deem you worthy,” Well, the warlock didn’t like that,

“No Lord Azrethoc, you presume to much, you can’t do what I ask? Then lets see if you will do what I command,!” and with a few gestures that massive demon took a knee before her. “I can’t do as you ask my lady, only the greatest demon currently in the realm can freely give you a Felsteed before your time, only Lord Kazzak can do what you ask.” The warlock screamed and kicked the giant demon about a hundred times and then commanded him to walk around and smash about a hundred centaurs. She was merciless, and she just laughed at his rage the whole time. She terrified me, but I realized that I could get what we wanted from her.

The next day found me in the Blasted lands, serving the terrifying warlock, on her quest for her Felsteed. We arrived in the Blasted Lands and the Warlock was a force of death incarnate, all that stood in her way died. Finally, after leaving a trail of corpses behind her, the Warlock confronted Lord Kazzak. I before said the Lord Azrethoc was as large as a tower, well I tell you true, that Lord Kazzak is as tall as a mountain and his wrath is great. He attacked the warlock at full speed and they waged a fight that lasted for 3 days and 2 nights, and as the sun was setting on the third day of their epic battle, Lord Kazzak took to his knees, and bellowed, “Curse you Warlock, like a hero of the ages have you battled me, but we are both exhausted and this battle must be called a draw.” The warlock smiled at this, “There can be no draw, I challenge you to a game of sport for this battle. One final test to determine this struggle, for this battle was too legendary to end in a draw.” The gigantic demon shook his head, and almost seemed to laugh, “Fine warlock, I accept your challenge, what game of sport shall we contend to conclude our battles?”

The Warlock’s smile terrified me more than that of the massive demon, because this battle had gone exactly as she predicted, and she was in exactly the situation she had prepared me for. “I challenge you to a Thumb War!” I tell you this true, boys, I never can expect to see anything as odd as the expression on Lord Kazzak’s face when he heard her challenge. “Little warlock we can’t Thumb Wrestle, my thumb is three times longer than your whole body.” “That isn’t my problem, Kazzak, failure to meet a challenge is a forfeit of the challenge” she howled at the demon lord. It was here the I came to the plan.

“Lord Kazzak, I will be your champion. I will thumb wrestle her on your behalf,” I mumbled terrified to draw the attention of such a powerful force. Lord Kazzak looked down at me and squinted, “Where, by the Void, did you come from?” asked the demon.

“I’m really a big fan of yours and was hoping to get an autograph, but you were fighting with that amazing warlock and so I waited to see you win. It would be an honor for me to fight in your place, Lord Kazzak,” and I bowed a low as I could and hoped I wouldn’t get smooshed.

“This will undoubtedly go down as the oddest day of all my years. I accept you was my champion. However, I warn you, if you fail me, I will kill you immediately.”
“I understand my Lord,” I managed to mutter between my chattering teeth.

I walked up to the Warlock, put my hand in hers and primed my thumb. She coughed and yelled, “So to be clear Kazzak, I win I get my Felsteed and you win, and I reap a thousand souls for you.” “Agreed warlock” bellowed the demon lord.

No sooner than the voice of Lord Kazzak stopped echoing off the walls and my thumb was pinned. “I win, I win, I’m a winner, and you are a big fat loser, give me my Felsteed, Kazzak.”

“Of course, warlock, I just have a small matter to take care of first,” and with that Lord Kazzak stomped on me like a bug, killing me flat.

Not a sound could be heard on The Rock.

Tim coughed, “Now I would never call you a liar, Littleboy, but you appear to be very much alive.”

“Ahhhh”, screamed Toughgirl and half of the Hard Boys as the warlock stepped into the light.

“Telling lies is wrong”, her hand snaked out of the shadows and she slit Littleboy’s throat. A wave of blood erupted from his neck, and a second later Littleboy slumped to the ground with a sickening thud.

“I’m Wicked, the Wicked Warlock, and you all work for me now. I run the underground and I run you. And I tell you now, that every word that Littleboy told you was true. That is how I got my felsteed”.

“Ahhhh”, screamed Toughgirl and half of the Hard Boys as Littleboy stepped into the light.

“Wicked takes cares of those that work for her, and not all of her gems are green, but as I Tells it, Wicked runs all the gangs now and if you don’t like it you tell both of us right now and here”, Littleboy rasped as his neck knitted closed before the eyes of all the boys.

It started low, and Littleboy knew it was his Liars scattered amongst the other gangs starting it, but soon the rest joined in and a chorus rung up out of the sewers and throughout the city of Stormwind, up from every sewer and echoing in every water closet, “wicked wicked wicked Wicked Wicked Wicked WICKED WICKED WICKED……”

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My dearest Wicked, you are simply magnificent

Moxie xoxoxo