So, let’s talk about the current state of Azeroth’s so-called heroes and why everything feels like it’s dipped in a perpetual vat of angst. First off, let’s look at Anduin—our golden boy turned sad puppy. He’s got a self-loathing complex the size of Stormwind, and I’m pretty sure he’s one introspective monologue away from writing his own emo ballad. The guy’s so busy wallowing in his own guilt that I’m half-expecting him to open a therapy clinic in the Cathedral District. And let’s be honest, it’s not just guilt; there’s this layer of self-victimization that’s hard to ignore, like he’s the main character in every tragic novel ever written.
Then there’s Jaina Proudmoore, the queen of self-inflicted suffering. If there were an Olympic sport for bearing grudges and projecting pain, Jaina would be going for gold. She’s got this habit of scapegoating her feelings onto anyone who dares to see the world differently—because, apparently, if you’re not sharing in her personal vendetta against the past, you’re just not getting it. It’s like, Jaina, sweetie, sometimes people just want to not live in a state of perpetual drama. I get it—pain is real, but so are coping mechanisms that don’t involve threatening everyone within a 10-mile radius.
Now, let’s chat about Thrall. Ah, Thrall, the eternally tragic shaman who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders—and who can blame him? The man has made a career out of bad decisions and questionable alliances. Yet, despite his constant moody introspection, I’ll give him credit: at least he’s aware of the company he keeps. He’s like that one friend who’s always in a toxic relationship but knows it and just keeps trucking along, with that stoic expression and a hint of regret that says, “Yeah, I chose this life, and it chose me right back.”
And don’t even get me started on Alleria Windrunner. Revenge, redemption, rinse and repeat. She’s been on a personal revenge quest so long that even she’s starting to look a little exhausted by it. I’m calling it now: at some point, she’ll realize revenge isn’t the answer, get her big redemption moment, and then… what? Maybe a knitting club to channel all that leftover rage? At least she’ll have some character growth, which is more than can be said for half the cast.
SPOILER ALERT: And speaking of tragedy, when our beloved Khadgar died, my character would’ve loved to have a line in the cinematic, something like, “Well, at least he died doing what he loved… exploding.” Because let’s face it, Khadgar was never one to shy away from a dramatic exit, and we all saw that coming a mile away.
But here’s my main gripe: why does everything have to be so serious all the time? Even the Gnomes, who are supposed to be the comic relief, are treated with this weird mix of pity and self-deprecating humor that feels more sad than funny. It’s like, would it kill Blizzard to write a character who isn’t constantly drowning in existential dread? Just once, I’d like to see someone who’s got the wit and irreverence of a Deadpool, or heck, even a little bit of me. Someone who can see the chaos, shrug, and still crack a joke.
Humor is what keeps us going, especially when the stakes are high and the lore is heavy. I’m not saying every cinematic needs to be a stand-up routine, but maybe a little less doom and gloom wouldn’t hurt. If the writers ever decide they need someone who can deliver one-liners with the best of them, I’m right here. Or you know, you could always check out my fan fiction for a taste of what a little levity could bring to this wonderfully tragic world. Last rewrite of Perfectia Dawnlight diary... For the Blizz Forums
So, Blizzard, if you’re listening, it’s okay to lighten up. Azeroth could use a hero who’s more interested in the punchlines than the punches, and if that hero happens to have a flair for sarcasm and a killer wardrobe, well, I’d say it’s about time.