WANTED: Jonhamm

Jonhamm…

We first ran into each other in the Badlands. It was peculiar to see you gloating over killing me, especially after outnumbering me many to one. Ahkahly and I sought revenge, but were only met with more numbers, more defeats, and more insufferable gloating on your end. No matter, it was what it was. You win some, you lose some. Someday, I knew, I would challenge you again.

It wasn’t until a few days later when I heard a report from my good friend, Ahkahly, who was passing through The Shimmering Flats. There were reports of Alliance in the area, ganking and camping lowbies. It turned out to be you, Jonhamm. Certainly, our factions are at war, but such crimes are as intolerable as they are dishonorable. Ahkahly and myself realized, you were now a reviled enemy of not just us, but those you slaughtered in the Shimmering Flats. You were an enemy of the people, and you needed to be put down.

Ahkahly, in defence of the Horde, and of those who could not stand up to you, took action and engaged you. You seemed less inclined for a fair fight after killing Horde 10+ levels beneath you, so you ran. You ran like the war criminal you were, fleeing for refuge in the desert of Tanaris. You weren’t going to make it. I had just received my commission as a Tanaris border guard, and I defend the Horde with pride. We killed you on the hillside. Passport denied. Glory to Arstotzka (or rather, The Horde).

As you bled out on the slopes and I roared triumphant that justice was done, I caught your druid friend, Blueberry, abandoning you, escaping justice. It was no matter. We knew this wouldn’t be the last time we’d see you.

Again, a report came in of a paladin, joined by other Mad Men, outnumbering and killing Horde. I rode out in search of you. You were nowhere to be seen in Thistleshrub Valley, but the stench of cowardice was impossible to ignore. Upon questioning an orc hunter “Have you seen Jonhamm?” He answered in the affirmative, that he too had been slain by Jonhamm and others. The hunter joined me in my pursuit of retribution. Yes. Retribution. Something you, a paladin of the Alliance should know all about. The vengeful wrath of three of your victims would not be denied. We put you down, and your druid comrade Blueberry too, but your lesson was yet to be taught.

School was back in session, this time on a trip to Searing Gorge, where, guess who, you and your reprobate friend were taking a break from ganging up on Horde and just questing. Perhaps now would be the time you would learn what it felt like to get camped. The difference was that Ahkahly and I didn’t need to outnumber you to teach you that lesson.

You were cast down with axe and spell. Again and again you tried, but the result was always the same. Until, of course, in the protection of your divine shield, in true Jonhamm form, you fled from the Gorge by means of your hearthstone, leaving your druid friend to die alone. Ahkahly and I have each other’s backs, at any and all times. You and Blueberry don’t seem to have such a relationship; each of you are ready to abandon the other at a moment’s notice. If this hatred for war criminals didn’t burn in my heart, perhaps I would feel pity for the both of you.

We continued questing ourselves, but whenever we caught sight of you, we took the opportunity to make you pay for your crimes. You had much to answer for.

More dead paladins and druids followed through the night. Eventually, you returned, and laid down your arms, perhaps to negotiate a peace? Ultimately, I urged you and your druid friend to leave with your lives. My uncharacteristic show of mercy was ill-founded, as you continued to pester us, remaining close by in Thorium Point after we told you to be gone. Later on, despite our tenuous “truce” you both rode at me and aggressed, two versus one in the wild, and you begged passersby for help, when Ahkahly rode back to turn the tide.

You and your druid friend have shown us, you deserved none of our mercies that night. You’ve committed crimes, and perhaps not even realized the implications of what you do. Ignorance is not an excuse, Jonhamm. You prey on the weak when you are alone, and the strong when you outnumber them. You flee like a coward when vengeance comes for you. You are insufferable. You are a war criminal. My thirst for retribution will never be quenched, “paladin”, until you pay, and atone for your crimes.

-Malgor, Warrior of the Horde

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Glory to Arstotzka - Tanaris Border Patrol

Is this a love letter?

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What’s the RP behind this vomit?

I can only speak for myself, but hear this “Warrior of the Horde”: I will never be brought to justice. I will never answer for my crimes. I do not abide by the laws of the “Horde”, let alone accept the judgement of one orc and a filthy undead who dabbles in vile void tainted magics such is the one called “Ahkahly”. An undead who spit her taint at me while ignoring the rule of law in Gadgetzan, attempting to cast her vile spells on me out of range from the guards. This was well after you got your petty “vengeance” out in the desert. These are actions of one who is just? I think not.

Me and my not quite right in the head comrade (whom some would label as a “Mad Man”) have shown honor to many a Horde passerby, only for them to stab us in the back time and again. Just like that day at Thorium Point when, as we were respecting every Horde going about their business, and they respecting us, you and your cursed friend attacked without warning or mercy. Not once, not twice, but thrice did you attack us unprovoked. Finally I rallied multiple soldiers of the Alliance in the area to make you pay for this brutish treachery. Justice was served, and how sweet it was my little orc friend, how sweet it was.

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Great read, my friend! I look forward to fighting by your side soon enough.

Malgor,

You and your band of miscreants would know all too well about overpowering your victims in the strength of numbers. In fact, when I was slain on the border of Tanaris and Thousand Needles it felt like I was surrounded 5 to 1. You see Malgor, my patience for the Horde has run out. Far too many a times have I decided to show clemency to the Horde only to be shown that this is a wrong approach to take.

Once before when me and Blueberry were in the kobold caves of Arathi Highlands we came across an Orc warrior and Undead mage both low on health in battle with kobolds whom we let be. They ended up eating to full health and attacked us with no shame. Needless to say they ended up in a graveyard anyways. Is this what you call Horde honor?

Or another time when I first stepped into Tanaris, I crossed paths with a lone Undead warlock in the same questing spot as me and Blueberry and that warlock was spared. Suddenly a skull level Undead mage attacked me with no hesitation and as I went to defend myself that same Undead warlock whom we just spared joined in to help kill me. These are cowardly acts.

Another Horde coward just last night, a level 60 Orc rogue couldn’t control the demon blood flowing through them and attempted an easy picking on Blueberry while in the Burning Steppes but they were met with the Hammer of Justice and a Faerie Fire. This Orc rogue was reduced to running away and mounting up but they could not escape a Paladin and his Pursuit of Justice. Can you say the same Malgor? Are you at the side of Ahkahly when a level 60 goes for an easy pick?

So you see Malgor, you are not the only one who desires justice and vengeance. What does an Orc know about justice anyways? Your kind have committed genocide and the Horde terrorize and gang up on others in the wild without a peep from you or your gang of miscreants.

I do not camp Horde and prevent them from getting their quests completed. I bring them a taste of Alliance fury and then the Light guides me to the next cretin who will surely not hesitate to take an Alliance life and invade Alliance lands given the chance. The Horde should know fear.

I do not rely on a well trained and organized militia of monsters as you do. I rely only upon the voice of the light, and the every day glorious heroes of the Alliance who have had enough of the Hordes terror. I rely on the peasant farmers, blacksmiths, miners all who have lost family members in the path of the Hordes demon driven bloodlust, who have decided to take up arms and listen to the Light.

My vengeance is on those who burned down Stormwind and who have reduced Lordaeron to a land of undeath and it will be violent and unyielding.

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