[Story] Adventures in Baby Sitting

[Benedikt-emerald-dream]

Originally posted in the WET forum under the ‘What Would Your Character Do’ topic

Not long ago in Darkshore

Benedikt snarled as the Kaldorei Archdruid’s entangling roots began crushing his chest.

“My path is to be a steward of creation. While I must often cull the rabid, it is frowned upon to take any joy in these deeds” began the Archdruid.

Benedikt jerked and shuddered, trying to not overact his feigned agony while the Kaldorei went deeper into his monologue.

“That’s what makes your kind such a relief to fight. You monsters have no place in this world. You are an unnatural infection I take great pleasure in washing away” he continued, moving closer to Benedikt and tightening the roots, “I can see you feel pain, but can you feel fear, Forsaken?”

Benedikt spat an invocation of dispell along with a mouthful of his brackish, seaweed green blood at the Archdruid’s eyes. Benedikt’s gore struck true as the roots withered and collapsed. With an angelic feather he closed the distance and rammed both claws into his foe’s throat. Wasting no time he muttered in the eldritch Shath’Yar, manifesting an aberration between his hands.

The Archdruid’s head immediately popped, showering the battlefield with blood, bone and brain matter as a snarling shadowfiend writhed around his still steaming stump. Benedikt dismissed the beast as he collapsed with the Archdruid’s corpse. He took greedy bites of the dead druid, restoring his damaged body, while scanning his surroundings.

It appeared he was the only ‘survivor’ of this Night Elf ambush but one could seldom trust their eyes when dealing with the woodland menace. He cleared his mind and let his vision drift around the nearby creatures cautiously approaching to eat the dead. Benedikt began to relax until he caught it. Faint, rudimentary thought but humanoid all the same. Perhaps a Night Elf dying of head trauma? Or, perhaps another druid watching as a bird, cawing his position to another war party?!

Benedikt again muttered in Shath’Yar, filling his body with Shadow magics and dispersing his corporal form into a living shadow. He twisted and floated about the woods, zeroing in on the source of thought. He stopped and reassumed an earthly shape to view what appeared to be a dead Kaldorei woman. He raised an eyebrow. This elf was dead, not killed in the skirmish but not long before either, the bullet hole in the back of her head was just beginning to show signs of necrosis. Upon closer examination Bendikt deduced the thought was eminating not from her but beneath her. What nature of Night Elf trickery was this? Cautiously he wedged his staff beneath the corpse and lurched the body over- where upon a head splitting shriek sounded. Benedikt invoked a word of power to shield himself as he retreated several paces and readied for an attack. After several seconds of nothing but noise he looked down at this trap to observe a howling Kaldorei infant.

“Oh. This… this is not convenient” Benedikt muttered. He frowned. Though it filled him with dread, he knew what had to be done. He casted a silence spell on the infant as he crouched down to meet it.

To be continued

[Gixer-emerald-dream]

He savored every bite of the tender flesh as his razor sharp teeth effortlessly tore through it. Only when the deed was done did Gixer reach for the ale he’d kept ice cold with a frost spell.

‘Now that was some fine steak’ he mused to himself while sipping his brew and patting his satisfied belly.

Glancing around the Forsaken occupied Bashal’Aran he decided that all in all working for these dead guys hadn’t been too bad. Yeah they creeped him out at first but signing a contract with Benedikt and his Desolate Conclave turned out to be the smartest decision of his life. Kick back, eat fine food and occasionally magic some elves out of a tree or whatever. It was easy, honest work.

Stuffed with beef and beer Gixer laid against a cool stone wall and had almost drifted off to sleep when his Forsaken Communication Device chirped it’s unique tone. Gixer sighed and brought the FCD to his ear.

“Aye boss what’s the sitch?”

“I’m sending you mein koordinates. Kome now, kome alone und make sure you aren’t followed.”

Gixer pulled the FCD away from his ear to glance at the screen and grimaced.

“Uh boss that’s smack dab in the middle of the stink out there. I’m more of an ideas mage. Why don’t I just tell one of these Deathguard types to come help you out?”

“NEIN!”

Gixer flinched at the sudden spike in volume.

“Kome now und kome alone!”

“Sheesh, alright, alright I’ll be there”

Gixer sighed as he shut off the FCD. He peeked around the corner to make sure the mirror image of himself was still hard at work waving a wand around an utterly totaled Goblin dreadnought. Satisfied at the efficacy of his illusion he cast an invisibility spell and blinked away from base. Confident he was far enough away from prying eyes he conjured his flight disc, kicked it a few times until the arcane engine started and hoped on.

He zoomed low, zipping through the forest while seriously regretting how much he’d had to drink before arriving at Benedikt’s location a couple of near collisions later. If the ride hadn’t sobered him up the arrival did. He cursed the combat skills he vastly exaggerated on his resume while observing the dozen or so broken Forsaken and Night Elf bodies. Cautiously he stepped off his disc and attempted to call for Benedikt but fear kept his voice in his throat.

“I’m hier” a familiar voice spoke from the shadows.

“Where is here?!” whispered Gixer.

Benedikt dispelled his concealment potion and appeared nearby, sitting on a tree trunk and cradling something he was enthralling with Light magic.

“Uh, what’s that?”

“A baby.”

“Okay… uh, why?”

“I found it.”

“Great but why are you, uh, playing with it?”

“Vell vhat else do you expect me to do?”

“… Eat it?”

Benedikt hissed at Gixer, causing the baby to shriek but it was quickly put back into awe struck silence with more dazzling orbs of Light.

“Alright! Alright! Well let’s just find some knife ears and give it to them.”

“I’m vearing vone of zeir Archdruid’s memories of childhood on mein armor und zis little guy’s going to skream zee moment I stop zis Light show. In vhat vorld do you picture zat ending vell?”

“Alright well let’s just take it back to base they’ll…” Gixer recalled his ‘eat it’ comment “… okay yeah nevermind”

“Kan’t you just make a portal or somesing?”

“You kiddin’ me? Wizards wayyy above my pay grade got this place locked tight. Only portals to Dazar’Alor back at base”

Benedikt sat in visible thought for a moment.

“Gixer, do you trust me?”

“Uhh… to sign my checks, absolutely”

Benedikt stood and approached an increasingly nervous Gixer.

“Listen boss I feel bad for the kid I really do but let’s just put it in a tough bag the animals can’t get into easy and be out of here okay?”

Benedikt sighed, smiled and patted Gixer on the shoulder.

“You’re right zat’s zee best idea. Do you’ve any enchanted vones vith you?”

“Yeah, one’s got some tamper proof stuff- give any bear a nasty zap if they try to claw it open” Gixer said as he turned to look around his disc’s saddle bags.

“Yeah got a spare one right herrraggurggle” Gixer choked as one of Benedikt’s claws slit his throat open. As his vision went dark he could dimly make out the baby giggling at his misfortune as Benedikt said

“I’m really sorry you’re going to be fine I promise!”

To be continued

[Benedikt-emerald-dream]

Benedikt slumped the wounded Gixer over his shoulder as he gave a shiny coin to amuse the infant before silencing it and carefully placing it in his bag. With that he marched into Bashal’Aran and strode to the secured portal to a bemused look from it’s guard.

“No one in or out. We’re expecting a Kaldorei counter attack soon. Numbers have to remain consistent” the Deathguard stated.

“I’m sorry are your eyes functional or do you not see the dying goblin magigneer?” Benedikt stated in Gutterspeak.

The Deathguard shrugged, “We’ve enough in reserve.”

Benedikt glared, “I’m aware. The nature of his dying is what intrigues me. It’s being caused by a Kaldorei neurotoxin I’m unfamiliar with. I require access to a legitimate laboratory to examine the precise nature of the damage being wrought on it’s central nervous system”.

The Deathguard remained unphased, “Use the field equipment”.

Benedikt slightly levitated and began to pulse with Shadow magic, the added height and eldritch depth in his voice giving an air of menace, “The equipment I require was damaged when you Deathguard failed to stop Master Apothecary Faranell’s capture!”

The Deathguard remained stalwart but instinctively stepped back a few feet,
“What’s your name?”

Benedikt dug into his robes and jammed a RAS badge forward with such violence that he would’ve punched the guard had he not retreated a few steps, “What’s yours? I’ll need to inform Commander Belmont of what guard he’ll need to replace. Now move or be moved” snarled Benedikt.

The Deathguard examined the badge and calculated if any punishment inflicted for letting him through would be worse than continuing to antagonize a Master Apothecary.

“Very well, sir.” said the Deathguard as he stepped aside. Benedikt stared daggers at the Guard as he drifted into the portal.

He then had to immediately wince as the moonless dark of Bashal’Aran was replaced with the piercing brightness of Dazar’Alor’s harbor on a cloudless noon. He conjured an angelic feather and zoomed away from the soldiers stationed nearby before questions arose. He slumped Gixer and his bag on the ground and invoked a Greater Healing prayer, flooding the dying Goblin with restorative Light.

Gixer coughed and sprang up, rubbing his throat and staring hatefully at Benedikt. “You no good, gnome lovin’, ogre lickin’” Gixer began cursing as his hands pulsed with arcane magic, “son of a biii-Argggraddamnit!” he added as Benedikt scrambled his thoughts with a mind bomb.

“Vell sorry but I kan’t keep you und zee baby silenced at zee same time” Benedikt said in Orcish.

Gixer glared “I didn’t sign up to be a scratching post! That was cruel, boss!”.

“Oh, you vant to lecture me on ethics now Mr.Let’s Leave A Baby In A Varzone? I promised you’d be fine now did I lie?” said Benedikt, rolling his eyes.

“You rot lot gotta learn we normal folks ain’t cool with mutilation!” Gixer said, calming down and examining his surroundings.

“I’ll admit I sometimes forget how attached zee living are to zeir bodily fluids. But you’re fine as I said you’d be. Now, zee matter at hand”. Benedikt said, turning to his bag and freezing. The bag was open and the infant was absent.

Benedikt’s heart would’ve stopped if it was capable of beating as he watched an Eye of Yazma entomb the infant in webbing as it silently shrieked. The spider was vaporized by an arcane blast from Gixer as Benedikt flew over to the baby, quickly freeing it from the web with his claws and examining it for bite marks. He sighed in relief upon discovering no puncture wounds and went about trying to console the terrified Kaldorei.

“Man and I thought Kezan had bad child safety standards” Gixer muttered.

“Alright vell at least zat crisis vas averted” Benedikt said, again dazzling the child into silence with orbs of Light, “Do you sink your vocal kords are up for a portal incantation?”

“If it gets this runt off our hands I’ll howl myself hoarse boss. Where to?”

“Dalaran. If I’m lucky I sink I’ll be able to find somevone who kould help us from zere”.

Sometime Later

Benedikt walked the familiar halls of Netherlight Temple cradling the now well fed and fast asleep Kaldorei infant. The once busy temple was now practically dormant save for the most devoted worshipers and one Priestess of Elune Benedikt was relieved to see answered his summons.

“Prime Governor, I was not expecting to hear from you. What was it you needed to - Oh.”

“Alright before you get any ideas I found the little guy in Darkshore. I can’t say for certain but it would unfortunately appear that his mother has passed on. I was hoping you could help him find his own”

Aeriara gently took the infant from Benedikt, “This war has separated many families. But Sentinels are hard at work helping people find survivors. I’ll take him to Stormwind, hopefully somebody will be very relieved to find him”

Benedikt nodded and produced a bag of gold from his robe, handing it to Aeriara “Give this to whoever’s in charge of feeding and clothing those lost in this nonsense”

Aeriara nodded and walked toward the portal with Benedikt. The infant stirred and seemed content in Aeriara’s grasp. Benedikt smiled and gently booped the baby’s nose with his index claw to a delighted giggle.

“They’ll have questions about where he and the gold came from. What should I tell them?” Aeriara asked.

“Tell them whatever you like just leave me out of the story. Can’t have word getting out I went AWOL to babysit” Benedikt replied.

Aeriara chuckled “Very well. Thank you, Benedikt”.

Benedikt nodded and took one last look at the baby as he and the Priestess faded through the portal to Greyfang Enclave. He sighed and stepped through his own back to Windrunner’s Sanctuary. He’d have to make it back to Darkshore before he was listed as Missing in Action.