Armistice Day Ball 2022
Location: Concourse of Destiny, Suramar City
Given by Derscha Kettlebomb
November 5, 2022
This “speech” is a bit different as it’s more of a flowchart for performing a “magic trick.” Which section gets read depends on the card the volunteer picks.
/e stands in front of a small card table that’s been set up in the speech area.
/s Good evening, everyone! Welcome to this year’s Armistice Ball.
/s It’s good to be back here, isn’t it? Once more in Suramar. Commemorating the Battle of Mt Hyjal. Bringing folks from all walks together.
/s I’m sure by now many of you know the beginning of this speech as well as I do. As Miss Kanzelry reminded me, we do tend to repeat ourselves.
/s So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to change things up a bit. Instead of regaling you all with a speech I thought… Perhaps you’d like a magic trick?
/e withdraws a deck of cards from a pocket. It’s a normal sized card deck with a gold and yellow pattern on the back. She waggles it in her hand and looks at the audience expectantly.
/s Now, naturally, as with every good magic trick I need a helper from the audience. Any volunteers?
//wait to see who volunteers and picks someone
/s You! Wonderful! Come ‘on stage’ with me, would you? And please introduce yourself to the audience.
//waits for intro AND DO CUT/PASTE to put in volunteer’s name (opt+shift+h)
/s Thank you, Luci. Do me a favor and stand right there? I’ll be back to you in a moment.
/e starts idly shuffling the gold and yellow cards.
/s Now, I have been thinking a lot lately about life and our role in our own fates. Some think there’s some sort of grand plan. We’re little more than cogs in a clockwork machine, set inevitably in motion long ago.
/s Then there’s the idea that life is chaos, an unpredictable mess, doomed to eventual entropy. Either way, what we chose to do doesn’t seem to change the outcome.
/s But… I like to think life is more like this deck of cards.
/e fans out the cards to the audience, showing they’re a variety of shuffled cards in red and blue rather than red and black.
/e plucks out a red King of Hearts with a picture of Orgrimmar and a blue King of Spades with a picture of Stormwind and shows those off.
/s I’ve had this deck specially commissioned. Red and Blue for… well, I think you get the analogy. And I find it’s important to use both colors because who wants a CEO who’s not playing with a full deck, hmm?
/e places the two cards back in the deck and shuffles it some more.
/s The thing about card decks is that while it’s always the same cards being shuffled, there are so many different combinations that it’s impossible to get the same order twice.
/s There’s a unique deck for every person, even if we’re starting with the same cards.
/s Luci, tell me when to stop shuffling. That will be YOUR deck.
//waits for being told to stop
/e stops the shuffling and fans out the deck, face down, in front of the volunteer. “This is your deck now. No one, not me, not you, knows the order of the cards. Nor will it be the same as anyone else’s.”
/s Please pick any card you like and take a look at it without showing me. You can show it to the others, if you like. I promise you it’s completely your choice to make.
///w ((Go ahead and pick any card you like. Feel free to whisper your choice to anyone, but please don’t post it where Derscha/Kezrin can see it : D ))
//waits for choice
/s Thank you! Now put the card back in the deck and then you can continue to stand there for a bit longer, if you don’t mind!
/e starts to shuffle the deck again, moving to behind the card table set up earlier.
/s One of the other reasons I like a deck of cards is that even though it’s just one set of cards, there are so many things we can choose to do with it. We choose what games to play. Old Maid, Solitaire, Gnu, War…
/e sets the deck down on the table. “Or perhaps we can just relax and ‘Go Fish’!”
/e dramatically whips the top card off the deck, revealing a purple Joker card, stylized as a drawing of a Pandaren fisherman.
/s Did you think there were only 52 cards in this deck? There’s more than just red and blue in life, and always a wildcard that wasn’t accounted for.
/e gives the joker card an annoyed look. “And this card DOES like to show up where it’s not expected.”
/e carefully sets the joker face down on the side of the table, then picks up the deck to do a few more shuffles.
/s But it’s true that a lot of games are determined before they start by what shuffle you get. No matter how good you are at Solitaire, there’s some game you’ll never be able to win. It all comes down to what is in YOUR deck.
/e stops shuffling and drops the deck on the table with a thump of finality.
/s This is MY deck. And I’m not much for Solitaire.
/s I prefer… poker.
/s Why? Because even though I’m still stuck with whatever the deck gives me, poker is more about how I chose to use those cards. It’s about calculating odds, taking risks, and measuring up the other players.
/s The rest of my act relies on what cards I’ve been dealt. It’s time for a five card draw.
/e turns to give Luci an intense look while she picks up cards one by one, not looking at them, but holding them out so that Luci and the audience can see each card as it’s drawn.
/e keeps watching Luci’s reaction while picking a Five of Hearts.
/e adds a Ten of Spades.
/e hesitates a moment, then adds an Eight of Diamonds, still not looking at which cards she’s picking.
/e draws a Queen of Spades, featuring a picture of Ironforge.
/e draws her last card: the purple Pandaren Joker card.
/e sets the rest of the deck on the edge of the table.
/s Now, if life’s truly random, there’s about a 9.6% chance that Luci’s card has been removed from the deck.
/e shows the cards to Luci. “Without telling me your card, is it one of the ones I am holding?” ((5 of Hearts, 10 of Spades, Eight of Diamonds, Queen of Spades, or Joker))
//IF THE ANSWER IS YES
/s Really!? Which one?
//5,10,8, or Q
/e turns the cards to look at them herself.
/s Amazing! We got lucky today. But… oh dear. I told you that Joker likes to sneak in…
/e picks up the other face down card, actually a Three of Clubs. All the cards are set face down neatly in a pile.
//If for some reason they say Joker….
/e turns the cards to look at them herself.
/s What the…! I TOLD you the Joker likes to sneak in when it’s not expected.
/e picks up the other face down card, actually a Three of Clubs. All the cards are set face down neatly in a pile.
//IF THE ANSWER IS NO
/e frowns and turns the cards to look at them herself.
/s Oh dear. That Joker’s playing tricks again.
/e sets the Joker face down on the side of the table. She picks up the other face down card, actually a Three of Clubs, showing it to Luci.
/s Is THIS your card? ((Three of Clubs))
//IF YES
//((I just amazed everyone with a trick that only has a 1/52 chance of succeeding. GO ME))
/e grins. “Goes to show you that it’s unwise to discount the wildcards.” She adds the Three of Clubs to the rest of her hand.
/s Now, while you’re busy being impressed, let me assure you that Luci really did have a free choice earlier. I’m just clever.
/s We often get dealt terrible poker hands, but we can still get the cards we actually need.
/e folds the hand of cards and sets them on the table in a neat pile face down.
//IF NO ((aka the most likely ending for this scenario))
/e sighs with disappointment. “Well, I bet you all thought I’d have the card, that everything would just… magically work out?”
/s But the truth is, Luci really did have a free choice and I really didn’t know how this was going to unfold. That is life.
/s It does feel like life deals us terrible hands most of the time, doesn’t it? How are we to win when the deck is stacked against us?
/e folds the hand of cards and sets them on the table in a neat pile face down.
/s The truth is, this was never about forcing a card choice. I don’t believe in forcing a choice on others. But neither do I believe in leaving my fate to the whims of the cards.
/s But you know what I do believe in? I believe that if we come together, both red and blue, and maybe allow for the unexpected….
/e picks up the top card in the small pile, the purple Panderen Joker, showing it to the audience while her other hand spreads out the remaining cards on the table.
/s Together, I think we can turn a bad hand into a winning one.
/e slips the Joker under the end of the spread out cards, using it to flip them over. The five cards now are a PURPLE ROYAL FLUSH with the AAMS logo as the suit.
/s That’s how we’ll win the game.
/s I hope everyone enjoyed our little show! Please thank Luci for being a wonderful volunteer and give them a toast!
/s Now go enjoy yourselves!
Luci picked an Ace of Spades, so the last “No” section was used.
Listed below should be the entire playlist from the ball. I will be trying to recreate this on Spotify for future listening, but as they don’t have mashups on there, expect a number of missing songs. Thanks for coming out to the ball and for listening! 
))