Realizing Im bad at the game. Accept it, fix it, or quit?

Community General Discussion
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Recently came to the realization that I suck at the game and ive spent 16 years doing so. Im 37 years old so no longer have shame to admit it. There are worse things in life than being bad a video game. Almost no raiding or mythic plus. Nothing beyond LFR and 5 man dungeons. I did complete all three mage towers on my warlock though Lol.

I believe my problem is not “skill based.” That is to say I always know my rotation, and I always (usually?) pick the right talents. I don’t stand in stuff and have all the “best” addons to help tell you what to do and a clean, minimalistic UI that takes full advantage of the best weak auras. I am usually top DPS in whatever content I do unless I get matched with some overgeared mythic raider, and Im always top DPS if matched with simiarly geared folks and often times over geared. I have a 50+ of every class, Alliance and Horde.

And for what? Random heroics and LFR?

The biggest obstacle for me to is not the game itself, but the other people in the game.

Im absolutely horrified at being judged or told I made a mistake. Im a perfectionist in real life, believe it or not, to the point that I will often avoid tasks if I suspect I will fail or do anything less than excellent.

Talking to other people and getting in voice comms is also horrifying for me.

I see some posters talk about how “anyone can do a mythic+5” while I struggled to ever complete a +4 in BFA for one of those essences.

So I need advice. I really want to improve and finally move beyond queueable content where leaving as little to no consequences. I want to actually find a decent group of people to play with and at least someday get AOTC on something. Anything.

How can I break this social barrier? Any guilds willing to give me a shot? Alliance or Horde, any character, any spec, I dont care at this point.

I love WoW, but I know im better than the content ive done so far.

Sorry for the wall of text.

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There’s nothing wrong with having the fears and possible anxiety you talk about. A lot of people struggle with that kind of thing.

The thing worth remembering about WoW is it’s great for people in your situation because it offers opportunities for you to break out of your comfort zone and into things you would rather be part of. You’ve already taken the first step here, and sought a guild if someone’s recruiting and willing to give you a shot.

I would also advertise yourself in recruitment forums and other places like that. Finding a guild where people are calm enough to convey things to you in a manner you won’t retreat from is a big part of it, and you can usually find that in more casual settings like normal and heroic guilds.

Dip your toes into it, see if you can find guilds. Begin entering voice chat in small doses and such so people become familiar with who you are. Then begin doing content with them and if you run into issues and such there, you should be able to have a calm conversation.

There is zero wrong with not doing something entirely correct, and if someone voices that they noticed something, do your best to be open minded. I’m a perfectionist too but I’m also someone who can look at something, know I made an error, and aim to fix it. And part of that comes with wanting to improve. View the possibility of that happening as another avenue where you can become better than you are currently. Don’t look at it from a negative place of fear. Interactions are what you make them.

As a guild master, I have had to have that conversation of “Hey. I need your numbers up.” But it’s not done with malice, or being rude. It’s a dialogue where both sides talk and seek to improve the person in question. There’s nothing wrong with that, and a positive outlook can help.

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Thank you for this. Asking for a guild may not have been the right question to ask at this point, actually. Thats a long term goal yes but honestly I just need to figure out where to go from here. Thank you again.

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First of all, addons means nothing at all – okay not like… “nothing nothing”; but they’re not indicators of skill imo. Nothing can actively just tell you to use your kit to full advantage. I use just Details, and that’s my own performance metric, not for evaluating others.

Anywho, I’m curious what exactly has happened in the +4s that you struggled to do. It’s not JUST you in there after all, right? there’s 4 other players. It’s good you recognize that you’re playing as well as you could, but it’s also healthy to remember that 1 good player, especially a dps, cannot always compensate for 4 others.

Most groups in my experience will not need YOU to talk necessarily, but rather listen. To be fair though, I have not ever seen the requirement of voice chat for anything lower than a 10 from pugs.

My advice would be find similar minded people, or a chill guild (ours is chill and we don’t demand anyone speak on disc – I myself did not even participate until I felt more comfy with them).

If you’re a perfectionist, then you’ll realize the value in being told you’re making a mistake or could be helpful in some other way. For all you know, you may have a skill that you only use traditionally, not non-traditionally for niche functions.

For example, I didn’t even realize that I could use Death Grip as an interrupt for uninterruptible casts 'til late legion. And that was only after another death knight told me after a really bad cast went off. All he said was, “oh, you coulda used your grip!” and I was annoyed at first because he came off like a jerk — but he gave really good advice lol. Now I use DG as an interrupt VERY often in M+ as a clutch interrupt.

Maybe find out what else you can do with your skills and see how they can be used beyond their tooltip! I always have mad respect for any pally for example, who, as ret, knows how to clutch heal/save/freedom an ally. You don’t see it often but it makes a huge difference.

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I honestly don’t understand this mentality. Everyone…EVERYONE in the entire WORLD makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and try to not make them again. That’s the whole point of personal growth.

How will you ever improve if you never try?

They’re the same nerdy meatbags like you are. Like I am.

Find the right group of people. It’s literally trial and error. Join a guild, get in their discord. Run some content with them, see if you click. If not say hey I don’t think this is the right fit for me. Join another guild and try again until you find the right group of people.

It sucks but it’s the only way you’ll get what you want.

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I legit laughed out loud at this! So true, hahahah!

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To be totally fair, fear isn’t something rational. It’s emotionally driven. I had an absolute phobia and fear of making phone calls when I worked in an office setting. It terrified me. And it made no sense. It just did.

To call something like what the OP is describing a “mentality” isn’t really accurate. That would mean he’s intentionally thinking in that manner. He’s not. Being horrified at something isn’t intentional - no one likes to be horrified.

It would be different if he said he is close minded, and wants nothing to do with outside improvement, which is a mentality noticeable on these forums. People who can do no wrong and want nothing to do with other people and want a solo player experience. The OP is describing performance anxiety - or the fear of social interaction involving a lacking performance, or error. It’s like when people get called to the principle’s office as kid. The first question through their mind is “Oh crap, what’d I do?”

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Thanks again for the replies thus far.

My issues with +4s in BFA were again, more social than actual practical doing the dungeon issues. I spent several days, long after Nazjatar released getting very bad group after very bad group. I could probably have spent even more time and effort with it, but decided it wasn’t worth it. I was very confused even then when I heard streamers talk about how easy it was to pug a +15 for their weekly chest, and im sitting over here seemingly unable to time a +4. It really made me wonder if there was something wrong with me lol.

Regarding Fannybaws comments about accepting criticism, I can easily say its definitely a me a issue and one that I am working on and this thread is just a part of a baby step on working on it.

I dont get angry at criticism, it just makes me feel like a complete failure, especially when I realize the criticism is right. Im working on it.

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I am 55 years old and as casual a player as they come. I accept the Game for what it is, but I also realize that Blizzard does not care about the type of player that I am.

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This goes back to positive outlook. And like I said, it’s not something most people voluntarily do. No one likes to be spooked about social interactions regarding performance. Some people deal with it better than others.

It’s gonna be fine. Just remember positive outlooks, and try to think of it as coming from a positive place. There’s a really big difference between “YOU SUCK!” and “Hey, here’s what I noticed. Would you be willing to try…” etc, etc. The second one is a positive thing where someone is actively aiming to help you. The first is obviously bad juju and from a toxic place.

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That’s fair enough. I don’t truly understand it because I’ve never really experienced something like that.

I do highly respect the wanting to change and be better.

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I was a clicker through to TBC.
We were all bad at the game at one point or another.
I really got better when I decided to spend some time on it though, and after I got set up correctly I got a lot better.

Back when I was a hardcore raider my guild had 3 criteria we looked for.
Attitude, Skill, and Gear.

Gear we could work on.
Skill we could work on.
Attitude… well… that’s all you.

Your taking a very adult viewpoint on this, your attitude is good, and I think if you push for it, you’ll definitely get better.

Are you unholy? Frost is a little simpler I think, though less in demand.
Make a weakaura to help you with some things if you need it.
Download Deadly Boss Mods.
There’s a lot you can always do to improve.

Social skills… well, that I can’t give you much advice on. Be as social as you want too. You don’t need a guild but it’s a big help to most people. Just try and get a small circle of friends together. WoW is not in the best state right now, and playing with friends is about all we’ve got.

If you play Horde as well, Message me on Vincent-Nathrezim anytime I’m on and Ill run you through an M+ and see if I can give you any tips.

Good Luck!

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I think its also interesting that I feel so comfortable in queuable group content, but not pre-mades. If a queable 5 man heroic or LFR or RBG goes to hell, I don’t feel bad about leaving because there is someone ready to take my place in a matter of seconds. And for some reason it doesn’t bother me when those people become toxic.

But a guild or even pre made group, its jus different in my mind somehow.

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I understand how he feels. I’m the same way. I think it’s just a personality thing. Look up avoidant personality and then you will understand this mentality.

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Don’t worry, there are plenty of bads with the confidence of a MDI champion.

You’ll fit right in!

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It’s because there’s an established commitment. If you bail on something random, someone else comes in. There’s no established commitment. You don’t indirectly screw someone when leaving, and because they’re randoms if they become toxic, it doesn’t mean something because they’re not gonna be someone you run into again.

Organized settings and guilds / premade groups have an understanding that there’s a collective goal, which makes stakes higher. But, that’s why I suggested you dip your toes. Poke here and there. Find social circles where communication is done through voice and things like that so talking to people and exchanging ideas becomes normal.

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i agree that talking does help. It will get easier, but i do understand that it can be difficult. I still don’t talk much but it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.

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You have to combine these two things. You will fail, you will make mistakes, this will upset people but their emotions are their responsibility and not yours. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn from your mistakes or seek to improve it just means you don’t have to take on the burden of someone else’s emotions.

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That right there is going to be a problem. If you cant shut down and literally not CARE what others think and have to say at times life is going to be rough.
Most players in the game are decent people. Some…arent.
You need to figure out how to respect the words of the decent ones and ridicule the words of the nasty egomaniacs.

and that is why the above is going to be a problem.
YOU have to learn to distinguish who IS worth taking to heart…and who you need to laugh at and ignore.
If you cant do that, all the rest of this is kinda pointless. NO matter how good you get SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE is going to have some smart mouthed, uneducated comment thats going to affect you when it shouldnt.

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Some good advice in this thread and I appreciate it. I think step 1 is picking a main class/spec and going from there. Should I try to pug first or immediately seek an “entry level” raiding guild? (if there is such a thing)