My so-called "fanfic" updated and revised

No one is allowed to bully me, harass me, stalk me, attack me, troll me, be toxic or be a jerk.

No negativity or being horrible.

He’s a character very much like me, even showing signs of Asperger’s syndrome. But despite all that, he was determined to do anything for the Alliance. He’s a human, obviously. A warrior. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. His name was Cameron McKnight.

He was born in Lordaeron, two years before the First War. He was trained as a warrior by human trainers and the dwarves of Ironforge, even receiving tips from King Magni Bronzebeard himself. “We’ll make a warrior outta ye yet, lad,” he’d often say. Not long after Prince Arthas Menethil succumbed to the influence of the Lich King and murdered King Terenas, his own father, Cameron and his sister Alexandra fled to Stormwind after Lordaeron fell to ruin and their parents died helping them and most of their family escape, though some of them left for Kalimdor. Not only that, but a high elf named Cas’tar Morningwake, whom Cameron befriended during a visit to Quel’thalas, was killed when Arthas besieged the land.

Before she died, Cameron’s mother Karen gave him a locket containing a picture of her and his father Malcolm inside, and the words engraved read “Always Have Faith”. Cameron held it dearly as he charged off to his first battle, knowing that he’ll have hope and faith at his side, even in a losing fight.

Cameron grew up to become a willing soldier of the Alliance and upholder of its values. While he served the Stormwind Royal Guard for a time, Alexandra was working as a vendor in the Trade District.

When Cameron saved the life of the Dun Baldar wing commander from Horde forces in Alterac Valley, Falstad, High Thane of the Wildhammer Clan, gifted him his own personal gryphon, whom he named Strongwind.

Cameron grew to idolise the heroes of the Third War. Malfurion Stormrage, Tyrande Whisperwind, Thrall and many others. But he praised Lady Jaina Proudmoore most of all. To him, she was so kind, compassionate, strong and independent. She believed that there could be peace between the Horde and the Alliance, and he in turn believed her.

One day, Cameron was tasked by King Varian Wrynn to answer a Hero’s Call in Dustwallow Marsh, assisting the city of Theramore anyway he can. Cameron saw this as an opportunity to pay the family members who took up residence there a visit. Upon his arrival, he had to consult with Lady Jaina, the ruler of the city. He became infatuated with her, having once believed her beauty to be nothing more than an exaggeration. Even though he was travelling the world, answering other Hero’s Calls, he made Theramore his home to stay closer not only to his cousins, aunts and uncles who had lived there since departing Lordaeron, but also to Jaina.

Once, Jaina found Cameron sitting on a bench with his head low. She asked him what’s got him so down, and he said that that day marked the anniversary of his parents’ deaths. He claimed that, even though they saved most of his family by getting them out of Lordaeron as the Scourge closed in, he felt like he could’ve done more. If he fought beside them, they’d still be alive. Jaina then tells Cameron that she empathises with him, becoming reminiscent on the day she lost her brother Derek to the orcs during the Second War, then losing her father to madness. She tells him that “we all have our ghosts.” Also, he would’ve died with them if he stayed. She told him that if he focused on those whom he still had, he’ll be so much happier and a better fighter for the Alliance. That even though the pain of loss will be with him for the rest of his life, he has to find strength through adversity. That’s when Cameron truly realised what his mother meant by “always have faith”.

Jaina decided to take Cameron to the inn for coffee and mana buns. She even polymorphed squirrels to cheer him up. She’d even turn him into a sheep just for laughs. Jaina then invited Cameron to swim with her in the bay at night and lie on the sand looking at the stars.

Cameron later comforted Jaina during the final days of the war campaign in Northrend, as she was mourning the death of Arthas (whom she once had a romantic relationship with before becoming the Lich King) atop Icecrown Citadel, and he’d remind her that he’d travel to the farthest ends of Azeroth and back for her. That unlike Arthas, he’d never venture down a dark path.

During the Cataclysm, he was unable to attend the ceremony at Mount Hyjal where Thrall and Aggra were becoming life mates, due to aiding the Wildhammers in the Twilight Highlands, but he told Jaina to send them his congratulations. Cameron was particularly shocked to hear the news that King Magni had turned to diamond while trying to commune with the earth.

One day, after the Cataclysm came to an end, Cameron decided to go for an early morning walk through the wilds of Dustwallow Marsh, and admire all the plants and animals, particularly the wind serpents and crocolisks. Just then, a shadow loomed over Cameron’s head. He looked up and saw a goblin zeppelin. At first, he disregarded it as nothing, but when he looked up again, he saw that the zeppelin was carrying a mana bomb, and was heading straight for Theramore. He raced back to the city, but before he could even set foot on the bridge, it was too late. The bomb had been deployed and the explosion sent Cameron flying backwards.

As he searched the ruins, he called out for anyone who might still be alive. He found Jaina crying, and kneeling at the remains of her night elf friend and bodyguard, Pained, and her gnome apprentice, Kinndy Sparkshine. He was shocked at the horrific circumstance, believing Jaina would’ve been a great mage master like Antonidas before her. Cameron then leaves with Jaina and the blue dragon Kalecgos (whom Jaina had started a relationship with) to Dalaran, where they comfort her and assured her that Garrosh Hellscream, then Warchief of the Horde and the hateful orc responsible for the destruction of Theramore, would someday pay the price. After seeing anger in her eyes, he began to sense that Jaina was developing a strong hatred towards the Horde as a whole.

His fears were confirmed when he was sent on a recon mission to Durotar to gather intel on Garrosh’s next move. He saw Jaina conjure up a tsunami to wash over Orgrimmar, which would’ve resulted in not only the deaths of innocent men, women and children, but also the Alliance fleet that was sailing nearby. She even came close to killing Thrall when he tried to reason with her. Cameron was running up to her to convince her to stand down and stop her from becoming a monster like Arthas or Garrosh, but Kalec got there first. When Cameron went to visit Jaina to congratulate her on joining the Council of Six, succeeding the late Archmage Rhonin, he watched in horror as she began arresting the Sunreaver blood elves, even killing some in cold blood. He knew that their leader, Aethas Sunreaver, had nothing to do with Theramore’s Fall and knew nothing about his students stealing the Divine Bell from Darnassus.

He participates in the Siege of Orgrimmar, with both factions successfully overthrowing Garrosh, but then he storms off after overhearing Jaina urge King Varian to dismantle the Horde. He then got the idea that the Jaina he knew, praised and trusted was gone. He had always thought that she’d stay on the straight and narrow path no matter what, but came to the conclusion that he was just being naive. He became even more disillusioned when he got word of her quitting the Kirin Tor after the Council of Six agreed to let the Horde back into Dalaran, after what had happened to Varian as everyone was fighting the Burning Legion on the Broken Shore. He also heard that she ended her relationship with Kalec. Cameron then vowed that he’d never fight by Jaina’s side again. Even taking his mother’s locket off his neck and throwing it into a nearby brazier, now believing that faith is nothing but a fantasy.

Cameron continued fighting alongside the new king, Varian’s son Anduin, and was even reunited with his mother and father who had been raised as Forsaken. With Anduin’s blessing, he, Alexandra and many other humans set off for Arathi Highlands to be with their undead relatives again and tell them all about the adventures they had. It was a peaceful time, but one that wouldn’t last, as the Forsaken Queen and new Warchief of the Horde, Sylvanas Windrunner, ambushed them all and Cameron ended up losing his parents all over again. Then he and many other Alliance champions were dispatched to rescue night elves from the World Tree Teldrassil, which had been torched under Sylvanas’ orders.

It wasn’t long before Cameron joined the Alliance in retaliation, leading to the Battle of Lordaeron. When Jaina arrived with a levitated ship, he stayed on the outskirts of the city, fighting the remaining Horde soldiers. However, there was no victory that day as Sylvanas had Lordaeron blighted, making the city uninhabitable even for the Forsaken.

Cameron refused to join Jaina when she was returning to her homeland of Kul Tiras, but he still fought during the Battle of Dazar’alor, though he wouldn’t stand on the same ship as Jaina. When Gelbin Mekkatorque suffered life threatening injuries during the battle, Cameron was extremely angry, blaming Jaina, the newly appointed Lord Admiral, for the High Tinker’s predicament.

Though he joined the battle at the front gates of Orgrimmar, where most everyone witnessed High Overlord Saurfang challenge Sylvanas to mak’gora, he kept distancing himself from Jaina, not wanting her to see him. “To challenge the Banshee is to have a death wish,” Cameron whispered to the soldier standing next to him. “I can’t let him do dis,” Cameron heard the troll shaman Zekhan mutter. Zekhan then ran to stop Saurfang, only to be halted by Thrall. Cameron was particularly horrified when the Banshee announced that “the Horde is nothing”, and even more so when she used a dark magical blast to kill Saurfang, then disappeared without a trace. He decided to make his own way back to Stormwind as he departed Saurfang’s funeral.

At one point, long after an armistice was signed, feeling relieved by this temporary moment of peace, Cameron went to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire. He reminded the barkeeper that he hated alcoholic beverages, and only asked for a glass of ice cold milk. When Jaina arrived, he stood up to leave, still not wanting to be in the same building as her. As he was making his way back to Stormwind, he saw a hooded figure approaching the inn. Being optimistic and inquisitive, even possessing a sort of sixth sense, as some people believed, that even allowed him to see through a mage’s magical disguise, he figured that the hooded person was Anduin.

Cameron was particularly concerned about the well-being of another woman he idolised: the High Priestess Tyrande Whisperwind. She was struck extremely hard after the destruction of Teldrassil. To combat the Horde that was occupying Darkshore, she underwent a ritual that transformed her into an avatar of the Moon Goddess Elune’s rage, the Night Warrior. Such power was never meant for mortals, yet Tyrande survived the ritual. She and the night elves succeeded in taking back Darkshore, but the rage and power within her continued to grow from there. He heard that she verbally lashed out at Anduin for declaring peace with the Horde, saying she won’t sign any peace treaty unless it is written in the Banshee’s blood. Cameron got the idea that Tyrande and the night elves would defect from the Alliance, as they’re angry and feel betrayed. Only Tyrande’s adoptive daughter and Ranger-General of the Sentinels, Shandris Feathermoon, and a select few felt like staying.

Turns out, Jaina had always been aware of Cameron’s bitterness and anger towards her, as was Anduin. Anduin then summoned Cameron to speak with him at Stormwind Keep. When Anduin mentioned Jaina to Cameron, he scoffed. Anduin told Cameron that he understood how he was feeling: bitter, angry, betrayed and abandoned. He then said to Cameron that the only way he’ll ever find happiness is if he makes peace with Jaina. Cameron leaves the castle, saying that he’ll meet her at The Blue Recluse in the Mage Quarter.

Jaina arrives, noticing Cameron sitting at a table, waiting for her. He reminded her that she was the reason he stayed in Theramore (that and the surviving members of his family lived there) and she was the reason he kept fighting. That he had a hole in his heart when Theramore was destroyed and so many of his cousins, aunts and uncles had perished, and that seeing that Jaina was still alive was what filled it. He tells her that she disillusioned him by performing horrific acts and going against her nature. Even believing that maybe he should’ve been there to help. That if he had been in Theramore and helped with preparing for the mana bomb, then Jaina wouldn’t have become so arrogant and hateful towards the Horde, much like her father Daelin. Jaina tells Cameron that even if he was there, Theramore would still be gone and he’d have died too, and that he was more than just a soldier of the Alliance, he was a true friend. She even considered him to be like the brother she never had. She apologises to Cameron for how her change of heart affected him, but assured him that she’s now a better person. Better than who she was before Theramore’s Fall, better than who she was after. Cameron then apologises to Jaina for giving up on her, admitting that he may have undergone some changes himself. Jaina vows to never let him down again. She even claims that she’ll catch him whenever he falls. He in turn vows to stay by her side, “for as long as stars do shine”. A tear trickled down Jaina’s cheek as she stood up and stretched her arms out for an embrace. Cameron then stands up from his chair, walks over and embraces her. He whispers in her ear “Thank you, Jaina.” Then she kisses him on the cheek. She even reaches into her satchel and takes out the locket Cameron had tossed into the brazier back in Orgrimmar. Cameron couldn’t believe that she had held onto it for so long, and thanked her for retrieving it. She then conjures up some mana buns, remembering that they were his favourite.

As they leave The Blue Recluse, Jaina invites Cameron to live with her in Proudmoore Keep as her guest. Cameron, having had his broken heart mended and his trust restored, gladly accepted. On the way back to the ship, Cameron and Jaina began gossiping on recent events.

Cameron said to Jaina…

“I used to believe as you once did, Jaina. That there could be peace between the Horde and the Alliance. But we always end up at each other’s throats. What makes you think things have changed?”

Jaina then began to think back to when she and Thrall were overlooking Thunder Bluff.

“Horde, Alliance,” Thrall had said. “We’ve come to this crossroad again and again, Jaina. It always falls apart. What’s different this time?”

“We are.”

Coming back to the present, Jaina told Cameron, “It’s like you said. We’ve changed.”

“That is true,” Cameron replied.

A couple of years later, Cameron received an invitation to attend the wedding of Silvermoon Regent Lord Lor’themar Theron and First Arcanist Thalyssra in Suramar. Cameron politely declined, as pirates were attacking Boralus and he offered to lend Jaina his aid. She too received an invitation but declined. Though both sent their best wishes.

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You basically have put that charge on anyone who’s given anything but unvarnished praise. You post in a public forum, you don’t get to dictate how and if people respond.

Well call me a rulebreaker. You’ve learned virtually nothing from the feedback you’ve been given. 90 percent of what you just presented is nothing more than a long Tell. A regurgiation of WOW history only Gumping your character into it in a way which adds mothing but establishes him as a Jaina stalker. You introduce characters which are nothing but rosters of the dead with absolutely no reason for anyone to give a fig about them.

I’ve always gone by this rule. If you insist on telling a backstory about a character, restrain yourself until you’ve given a reason for the reader to care about their past by engaging them with the character’s presence. Not only did you do the exact opposite, but you didn’t even give the character much of a present, and none to engage with.

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Albeit a truthful critique, do not let this stop you from continuing on with the story of Cameron.
If I were you, I would take into consideration what is said about the story, and improve upon it moving forward.

The foundation of this story is endless Jaina stalking. There are times w hen the only way to move forward is to take a match to everything and start over. This is one of them.

That right there is trolling.

It’s a response to a request for an opinion. An opinion that the story was a load of woman stalking kodo dung was and still is a valid opinion

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That’s literally trolling.

There are a lot of characteristics about autistic people like Newton Artemis Fido “Newt” Scamander from Fantastic Beasts. Or even stories about how autistic people have a specialty in something, lack knowledge about social que’s and these events come to be sometimes funny or even a little mean. If you are autistic maybe you’ve been through these kinds of things.

I know he seems important to you but it sounds like someone talking about someone I don’t know or even care about, but I know that the person that talking about him cares about him, but there nothing that really relates to me. There’s no indication that he may have went through any trials or tribulations. You have these major lore character and major events that are interesting and you talking about someone you knew and how he felt about the major lore characters and events. Cameron was sad and Jaina cheer him up. Jaina was sad major lore characters came and cheer her up.

I simple interaction with Jaina Proudmoore where she tries to figure why he doesn’t make eye contact or how he really good a specific thing but lack social skill to the point he’s bullied might make for some interesting writing. Give it some thought.

I think I might.

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Is this your story? or is this a description of what you’re planning to write?

The majority of this is just telling us stuff that happened. This is all passive voice. Your tense changes constantly. I think if you’re planning to write this out, thats fine, but if this IS your story written out you need to remove a lot of the “Jaina said to Cameron that she…” Instead you need actual dialogue. Scene description.

This reads like an outline, not a full story yet.

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I have also been typing this up on Microsoft Word with dialogue.

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Good to hear. Dont forget to save often!

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Like that is supposed to mean something? Garbage is garbage whether you are typing it in Word, LibreOffice, or Notepad. All we’ve seen is text after text of self-insertion upchuck.

That isn’t telling us that you’ve taken any of the criticism of your earlier work into consideration.

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You need to be nicer.

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I’ll give you a taste.

She asked him, “What’s got you so down, Cameron?”

He replied, “Today marks the anniversary of my parents’ deaths. They saved most of my family by getting us out of Lordaeron as the Scourge closed in, but I often feel like I could’ve done more.”

“Maybe, if I had fought beside them, they’d still be alive,” he continued.

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If this is still your self insert romance with Jaina… you need to take lessons in characteristion. She isn’t really that sensitive to the feelings of others due to her self-aborption.

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I have some edit suggestions with this.

EDIT How I would write this.
“What’s got you so down, Cameron?” said Jaina.
Bells rang out across the city. The chimes marking the beginning of mourning for the tragedy at Lordaeron. A chime for every person lost. They wouldn’t stop until late into the next morning.
“My parent’s were in the city when it fell to the undead.” Said Cameron.
“We lost too much that day, there wasn’t anything you could have done.” said Jaina
“I was weak.” Said Cameron.
The smell of smoke and death seemed so close. He could still hear the screams of the burned, the begging of women with child in hand.
“I ran like the rest, but they stayed behind. Because of them, I still have some family, but if I had stayed by their side…Maybe-”
“You’d be dead like the rest.” Said Jaina. “The Alliance calls you to serve. The weight you carry is heavy enough, don’t carry the weight of the dead.”

NOTES
This is a quick run through of how I would write the short blurb you posted. I wanted to clean it up a bit but keep the feel you seem to be going for. Dialogue tags are more standardized. A bit of flashback to what happened and how Cameron felt about it, showing how traumatized he is. We also get a little more natural explanation of information without it feeling like an encyclopedia entry.

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You’re still refusing to be nice. You should treat people the way you want to be treated.

I appreciate it.

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When I write crap I want people to be brutally honest about it. I have not written my million words yet, so what I write will be crap.

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What you’re saying is being mean. The opposite of being nice.

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