Ladies, gentlemen, and MHPs. I come to you with a humble question to pierce all other story concerns on these here forums, for as we all know, there is nothing wrong with the current state of the story, Blizzard is the chessmaster, all hail his lordship Lady Ion Windrunner. The question is thus:
Who among the main cast bears the largest cup size?
(Now, before anyone takes offense, I’d like to present two defenses for the nature of this thread: it is, 1. Intended as a lighthearted diversion from the norm of angry bait threads made by people with bad intentions from the start trying to wrangle and out-gotcha people into submission, and 2. Intended to simultaneously satirize the stereotypical nerd culture habit of arguing over such inane, frankly somewhat offensive side details. Half the Warcraft cast was sketched up by a bunch of college guys in the 90s and it shows, if Blizxard wants to shut this thread down they need only google Elune. Gee wiz.)
Now that the disclaimer’s out of the way, on to the meat and potatoes! I may forget a major character or two in my ranking, feel free to add. I did not tally physically larger characters (such as Azshara, Eonar, Mayla etc.) pound-for-pound, but rather proportionately to their body size.
GOD TIER
Eonar
Alexstrasza
(I feel these two picks are pretty obvious. Who would be outfitted with more vast expanses than the two queens of Life itself?)
WARLORD TIER
Mayla Highmountain
Jaina Proudmoore
(Now, obviously we got the mountains of Highmountain, but lo! A dark horse in the form of Jaina! All that Kul Tiran in her had to go somewhere.)
COMMANDER TIER
Tyrande Whisperwind
Azshara
Thrall in the latest cinematic
(I’ll let you draw comparisons between the first two. As for Thrall, that man’s pecs were so massive in that cinematic I feel like he could fold me up, pop that sucker open like a fridge door and just carry me around inside his cavernous, musclebound ribcage.)
JOURNEYMAN TIER
Sylvanas Windrunner
Alleria Windrunner
Vareesa Windrunner
Lady Liadrin
(I have a very specific headcanon about blood/high elves. I picture their usual body types as either twiggy and scholarly or lithe with lean in appearance, but inhumanly dense muscle. Not to imply I would ever shy away from larger or more muscular women, believe me. Such curvaceous examples as Alexstrasza are simply a little more unusual in my mind.)
APPRENTICE TIER
Maiev Shadowsong
Valeera Sanguinar
(Both are highly athletic and probably built like piano wire ready to snap into action at any second. I think it makes sense.)
So! Anyone care to debate my ranking? Add to it? Let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe.
