Is there a place for me in this game anymore?

Community General Discussion
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Just need to let it all pour out. Flame me if you want.

So I haven’t actually been able to log onto and play Shadowlands since it opened, due to a botched computer upgrade attempt I made a couple months ago (as everything I touch melts into failure anyway). And at this point I’m not sure if I will ever get to. But this time away has given me time to think and mull things over. I’ve felt this way for a long time but now it’s sort of reached the breaking point.

This game is driven by numbers and rankings. PvP rating, raiderio score, warcraftlog scores, maybe even more I’m unaware of these days…everything you do is numbered and catalogued. I feel like we’re no longer people in this game, but a number, and if you’re not at a certain number, you’re worthless as a person, no one wants to play with you, and there’s nothing for you here.

As someone who has been struggling with massive confidence issues for a long time, in both real life and in-game, it’s left me wondering if I have a place here still. I’m almost afraid to get my computer fixed at this point because that would mean having to experience all of that over and over again.

I know plenty of folks would just say “git gud” and all that, but everyone makes mistakes, even the best players. Some more than others. As an example, I ran Freehold all expansion long previously and still messed things up in there on occasion. I feel like an utter failure anytime I do make a mistake and it becomes harder and harder to land invites. I spent much of BfA not getting a M+ chest each week because I lacked the willpower to ask people for help.

So what can I do? LFR, and attempt to get the mount off Rustfeather for the bazillionth time? Folks here have been trying to eliminate the former for more than a decade. I’m just not sure what to do anymore. It genuinely makes me want to cry. The isolation and COVID fears have just taken its toll I suppose.

You may destroy me verbally now.

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No thank you. Have a nice day.

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Dude take a break and maybe even talk to a professional about what you’re feeling. That’s not a result of the game, that’s something deep within you that you have to address.

Anyway, the issues you’re outlining in your post point to one solution: find a group of people you enjoy playing with, and focus on playing and progressing with that group. imo still take a break from wow or quit completely, but this isn’t meant to be a solo experience. You should find yourself a group.

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I’d like to. It’s harder than you think though.

Not easy to find a group that’s understanding of fears and confidence issues, that won’t guarantee they’ll resort to insults or future group denials if a mistake is made. That’s why I have a hard time touching the group finder too.

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While the forums are full of whiny people intent on waving their epeen in everyone’s faces, I don’t seem to meet too many people in game that are like that. Most just seem to want to play and do the things they enjoy.

I’ll just say that it’s a useful life-lesson to understand that it’s not worth comparing yourself to other people. On pretty much every metric there will be people who are better than you and people that are worse. And nobody’s just better than everyone else.

If you want to get better for your own sake, then do so; but don’t get better just to move up some imaginary ranking. If you can’t get better (for whatever reason), accept it and make do with what you have.

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Most definitely. My concern is that by not being high up on those rankings, it means I will never land invites to anything. Because people would rather have those high-up folks.

I’ve always tried to get better, but it feels like I’ve peaked. There is just so much I’ve struggled with in this game and I’ve never been able to reach very high. I still need folks to explain “simming” every so often, it’s sad.

We live in a hyper-competitive world, so what does someone do if they can’t compete? Really isn’t just a WoW thing either, but it’s also why I’ve been unemployed for years too.

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I can’t say I struggle with a lack of confidence or anything like that, but I 100% understand how hard it is to find a like-minded group in this game. I have been playing by myself on a dead realm in an empty guild for 2 weeks, and it’s starting to get to me. If and when I need help with something, I have no one to ask, and that’s no way to play this game. So I feel you there.

Stay away from the group finder. You might have some luck looking through the guild and community finder. Or, check your realm forums for casual/laid back guilds that are recruiting. I’m about to do that myself! But it’s not easy, and it takes time, so be patient.

Or for real, stop playing wow, for the sake of your mental health. :sweat_smile:

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I’m not sure what you’re applying for, but I usually have pretty generic ratings (if any) and don’t have much trouble getting invites for PuGs. A lot of the issues with getting invites to groups just comes down to there being tons of DPS ready to fill any slot.

When I was leading M+ runs, I usually just grabbed the first 2/3 decent looking DPS and then waited for a tank/heals. I never worried about their rio scores. And I’d still get tons of DPS applicants even after all the DPS slots were full. Whenever I applied to a group and didn’t get accepted, I just figured they probably didn’t even see me before they filled their DPS slots. But I never tried doing +15 keys either. Raids have been about the same for me as well.

My strategy for getting into groups is just to apply to a lot. I accept that I’m not going to get into a lot of them and it’s not my fault. Maybe they already filled their mage slot, maybe they want a melee DPS, maybe they want an extra healer. Just apply and expect that 1 in 5 or 1 in 10 works out. Guilds should be a similar process. Expect that lots of them won’t work out. Sometimes they’ll hate you, sometimes you’ll hate them, just keep trying. Once you find one that works for you, then you can get emotionally involved. (I’m still working on that last part though…)

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I’ve just been looking for that magical group for 20+ years, since my EverQuest days. Just so very tired. And most folks would say “the common denominator is me” which is probably true, and which only really feeds into my depression. I just don’t deserve to have friends.

That’s cool. I guess with all the raiderio worship that goes on on these forums it’s hard to remember that some groups out there don’t actually care about it. I haven’t used the group finder for anything more than a group quest honestly though.

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You can join a casual guild and just run through the game normally, farm mounts/do dungeons/afk in Oribos just like before, and the super competitive crowd are just the same as has always been (Gear Score was like 10 years ago?). If you enjoy it, don’t worry about what the top players are doing and find your own way of having fun, since you’ll rarely have to deal with those players anyway.

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It honestly just feels like even the casual groups care about that sort of thing, and if you stand out as someone who isn’t a perfect player, good luck getting invites in the future.

That was only made all too clear a while back when I ran a +14 Motherlode with a guild group. I accidently facepulled an extra pack of mobs there. Very much an accident, and I apologized. I genuinely didn’t see them there. There was a very clear groan over Discord. We failed the timer, and I had never been asked to join another M+ with them ever again. That says enough.

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I will destroy you verbally.
The world is built on putting a number to everything you do.
Your number of previous job, the number of exs, number of hours you work. everything is ranked.

But you dont have to let it get you down.
Maybe there are people that will refuse to play if you dont meet some number, but there are always people who will.
If you like the game, play, and when you find someone who you enjoy playing with, friend them, maybe try to invite them to a guild, or try to join their guild.

But if you wanna hide from all the numbers because numbers bad, i have some hard news for you, its not going anywhere.

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RaiderIO isn’t worshipped on these forums. Its more demonized than anything.

All RaiderIO is, is a list of your experience.

People have always looked at your experience when putting together a group for harder content. And (like any game) they have taken this to wrongful extremes.

This even happened in EverQuest.

The best I can suggest is find a guild of like minded individuals. This may take some time to see if a guild melds with you personally. But as far as pugging? People will always choose a pug that gives them the highest chance of success. The quickest way to gauge that right now is experience + gear.

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I believe this issue is deeper than wow. You need to work on yourself self esteem my friend.

I would speak to a therapist about this as I think it can help you. Also it’s good to take a break and just focus on yourself.

Goto gym (if you already don’t) and spend some time with people they appreciate you and love you

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I am very well aware. Hence why I feel like I don’t belong in this world, or any other.

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Dear lord, where is grumbles to cheer OP up…

https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-18-2013/RPGmMn.gif

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You have been killed with kindness. Take that!

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For you not to feel like you belong in a world where people prefer others with experience…

…wouldn’t that mean you intentionally don’t want to do things to get experience?

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Find a good guild that you fit into. If you don’t want to do that then your option is solo play, and that’s limited.

UwU🏳️‍🌈

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You do what you think is right.