If Azeroth Had a Film Industry

Wyrmrest Accord
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So, to just yoink the subject to a thread better suited for it, because I think this would be neat to expand on.

If Azeroth had a film industry, presuming that everyone in the factions (and some of the neutral factions) had the funds to make their own films with various directors, what kind of movies do you think each group would end up making? What movies would we see with the Zandalari? What would Dwarves provide us? Are we having the Sindorei star as villains in all movies because of English accents? How angry do the Gilneans get that they cast a Stormwinder for the role of a notable Gilnean from history?

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Goblins already seem to have developed flash photography, broadcast radio, magazine, and turned mass advertising into a fine art. I imagine they’d similarly be the first to invent, popularize and capitalize on moving pictures.

And since they’re already such an exaggerated parody of modern US, I’d imagine the stuff they’d come out would also be a parody of US blockbusters throughout the past 100 or so years. So lots of action, comedies, and melodramas- all with a little bit extra sex appeal tossed in to tittilate the audience.

I’d imagine everyone outside of Kezan to be portrayed using national stereotypes for the sake of a joke. The Horde’d generally get portrayed as gullible yet dangerous and the Alliance as meddling world police. Both easily manipulated by cunning Kezani characters when they aren’t threatening to blow up the world with their latest conflict.

Sure, other industries might pop up in the big cities outside of Kezan, but they’ll be above such schlocky pandering. They’ll care about stuff like “themes” and “messages” and try to actually pass themselves off as “art”. They’ll only get appreciated when playing to folks at home or as niche foreign films while Kezani blockbusters will dominate overall.

At least the ones that don’t get banned in Orgrimmar/Stormwind because they make the people in charge look like buffoons.

As is often the case with so many Goblin inventions in WoW, everyone’s just mad that they didn’t think of it first :stuck_out_tongue:

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I’ve been trying to get an IC movie going for a little while, using shoddy goblin recording tech and -cough- stolen Mechagnome artifacts to create a camera that captures both movement and sound. Given we already do stageplays, the conversion into cheesy 50s era black and white film with odd audio quirks shouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

Imagine the comedies… finally, Hellsqueal: The Movie, will come to fruition!

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Blood Elf soap operas with ridiculous, over the top melodrama and absurdly contrived plot lines are big. Sig Nicious famously guest starred in one of the more popular ones.

Gnomes are famous for documentaries and educational shows. Their version of celebrities are basically all like Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

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Pandaria, the Goblin Cartels, the Gnomes and the Forsaken.

Pandaria: Wire-Fu and sweeping sagas based on their history.

Goblin Cartels: Action Hero nonsense loaded with product placements.

Gnomes: Intellectual dramas and who-dunnits.

Forsaken: Tragic comedies and recreations of their history through their own subjective lense.

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Does this make Machinimas documentaries?

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After all of the tumult with Kael’thas and the Sunwell, there is a Blood Elf subculture of slow, ponderous films that meditate on power and betrayal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSe5rrDXWuM

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I don’t know if this counts as a film industry but I did see one of the Grimtotems register HornHub. com

(I wanted to go with TaurenHub. com but having to read it made it too long a walk to get there.)

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It’s just nature films and documentaries. Honest! I swear!

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Nightborne would have really artsy Sundance movies. We’re talking Squidward talent show symbolic weirdness.

https://youtu.be/Hhi9g8q6ELU

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My Blood Elf Dinosaur Hunter would make dinosaur documentary films. Hell she’s already got a magic crystal she uses to record dinos while she writes about them too!

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would she become the Azeroth Attenborough?

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It’s funny that you ask that question because that’s pretty much how I imagined her; like a Blood Elven David Attenborough, but all about the dinosaurs. So much so that she takes great risks to live among them, even taking time to learn ‘dinosaur linguistics’ to better communicate with them.

She’s not even afraid of being eaten by a vicious hungry one one day.

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That’s …weird, the system removed my quote? Okay. Well, it’s obvious I’m responding to you anyway xD

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“Planet Azeroth: Narratated by Sindorei Ariiah.”

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Void Elves have a lock on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel/Supernatural side of things.

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The forums have this thing where if you quote the previous post in entirety it removes it. If you quote part it’s fine, or if you quote a post that’s not immediately previous in entirety it’s also fine, but it does not like quoting the entire previous post.

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That’s so weird…

Also @Lohkash the Blood Elf Hunter is actually named Naeumi! Maybe you’ll see her around from time to time, always flanked by two raptors, and usually having a pterrordax hatchling nestled in her hair.

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Forsaken shows would just be something like the Munsters and Addams Family but probably with more bleak and morbid humour.

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Thanks to Lio, I am now convinced that all the dwarf shows would be Jack—.

…Oh, and cooking shows.

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