Full disclosure, I haven’t slept in over 30 hours, this may be a bit incoherent.
IC =! OOC and the Golden Rule that is Consent are two very important aspects of roleplay.
IC =! OOC means that if my character is a jerk IC doesn’t mean I’m a jerk OOCly. If my character hates your character ICly that doesn’t mean I hate you OOCly. The idea is that IC actions done in good faith shouldn’t be held as a testament of your IRL self. I’m a Warlock in game, but that doesn’t mean I try and reap souls to summon demons IRL!
Now, the key here is the in good faith. Using the OP’s cheating example; a character ICly cheating on another isn’t inherently a mark against the player OOCly, as a lot of stories spawn from this, as well as it may be in one’s IC character to…well…be a bit promiscuous or perhaps have a misunderstanding of a relationship.
But these are actions that directly affects another player’s character in a potentially severe manner. It’s very much like an attack - but it’s emotional, not physical. Because of this, for this to be in good faith all parties should be informed OOCly about the IC happenings…and one shouldn’t be offended if the other party bows out because they don’t like the way things are heading. This communication keeps everything in good faith, it keeps IC and OOC separate.
Bad faith, however, comes when one either abuses this or can’t separate the two. Abusing this is using the separation to harass other players and hide behind “it’s just IC!”. It’s within everyone’s rights as role players to pick and choose who they RP with, only they have the final say. If you harass someone ICly and they OOCly don’t enjoy this RP? They are well within their rights to ignore you. And if they OOCly ask for the behavior to stop and it doesn’t? It’s witgin their right to report said player. If they don’t value consent - or communicate their potentially divisive IC actions - then OOC is dragged right in and one would be right to put a foot down.
Using the cheating example again, if the cheater communicated to all parties and they agreed? Then good. If one RP partner isn’t okay with it? Then everyone knows it wasn’t personal and it’s time to discuss the next course of action - or at the very least, end the IC story amicably. IF the cheating character is both ICly and OOCly behind the other player’s back, no communication whatsoever? They have every right to be upset - they’ve been OOCly deceived and are suddenly put on the spotlight for a RP they may not want to be involved in.
I had more to say, but I think I’m about to finally crash…shrug