A lot of people think that relationships, when IC, are entirely IC and thus should never have any sort of OOC discussion about them whatsoever, and any sort of negative repercussions or emotions on either party’s side is in response to them mixing IC and OOC. This, while true, is only -partially- so. While RP should not have IC/OOC mixing, relationship RP is a bit more complicated; and more then that, IC dedication bears a measure of OOC weight as well.
“But Fyl,” You say, face twisting into disgust and loathing. “How could you possibly suggest that? How could IC and OOC ever have any impact on each other?” Well, I answer, because IC and OOC are precarious concepts in the first place. To fully understand the analogy about to be put to use, we first need to establish the role of the roleplayer (As a player), in the context of the character/player.
The player (That’s you, OOC) is, in essence, the ‘author’ of the little story that your character plays in. This is common knowledge; I would challenge any of you to disagree with me that, despite characters occasionally acting out of sync and seeming to 'play on their own’, at the end of the day -we- are the authors of our story. Assuming this as the context for a singular roleplayer, a roleplay can be defined and summarized as a story – or a series of compiled stories – invented within a preset and predetermined universe, abiding by certain parameters and rules.
Continuing with the thread and tangent of roleplayers being 'authors’ in a word of the stories their characters play out in (even when their stories take place in the setting and obey the rules and laws of a larger narrative) a statement can tentatively be made for the nature and agreement when two roleplayers, whoever they might be, bring their characters into contact. Whether it be a passing 'hello’ or a full-fledged conversation about the quantum nature of cashews being both fruits and nuts, these interactions garner an agreement, or a series of agreements depending on how far the story progresses.
“Hello.”
“You exist.”
“I acknowledge your existence, and will humor the terms of the story that defines and outlines your character for the moment, until such time that I have reason to disregard or disprove your conception.”
Likewise, it is similar in combat roleplay. It is why so many people will simply tell you 'not to engage in combat RP’ as a solution if you do not like combat RP.
It is also due to note that RP abides by terms and conditions all the time. For example, societal norms. Would you play a character who is a racist, sexist, hateful character who is undeniably evil? Say that you do, and publically announce yourself as such. Is it not OOC bleeding to see the words 'raicst’ or ‘sexist’ in a TRP and avoid a person? Whilst a despicable and extreme example, it is due to note that our TRPs are, for the most part, invisible to the naked eye unless specifically stated. You abide by terms and conditions of not only societal standards from the moment you create your character, but from every moment onward. Every OOC note that states 'no ERP’, 'no Child RP’, 'No excessive or deadly force’, et cetera. Every lore-bound rule and agreement that your character is scripted to conform to is a rule and condition, imposed OOC and upheld by an OOC standard even when IC there would be no or little drive to do so, or any way to judge a person.
Every single interaction you partake in is an agreement, however temporary, to abide and write with another person on the planet Earth that, you the author, occupy. As with any good coauthoring relationship, all meaningful decisions -must- be passed by all included and relevant parties for any sort of progression in their interpersonal storyline. OOCly, the authors -must- be aware of every aspect that will affect them, even if their characters are not and cannot be. This is the nature of the agreement and relationship you have chosen to subject yourself to via interaction of any sort. Imagine, for example, whispering someone to check if an emote is alright. You are obeying these rules, these conditions, these mutual understandings, making these promises via interaction, every second of every day of every time you log in and interact with any other person.
However, I digress from the original point of my observation. The statement I was to make was on relationships and the RP that surrounds them. Well, restating the problem, most people assume that anyone who gets upset when something happens IC in a relationship are IC/OOC bleeding. This -is- true, they are… but they are not being unreasonable to do so.
Sticking with the function and definition of roleplay being a series of stories linked together by mutual agreements on the part of the author, relationship roleplay can be defined by an extended, linked storyline between two or more people in which they agree to co-write those (2)+ characters’ novellas together, to pore over every aspect and explore whatever crevices ought to be brought to light. Whether the relationship be family, daughter/father, or love, mate/married, or even dedicated allies and businessmen, by forming that relationship, you are agreeing to co-write those twos’ story -together-, and all meaningful decisions -must- abide by that agreement, or the shunned party invariably gets upset, even if they say they don’t, or aren’t.
If you have dedicated a character to a relationship of any kind with any other player, you are simultaneously OOC making a silent and unspoken promise to see this story through until such time either you no longer wish to pursue it (in which case you break the characters up) or the characters are forced apart by external factors (A character dies, they fall out and do not wish to interact further, et cetera.) These decisions are not yours to make alone, however, and your RP partner – that person you promised to coauthor this little story of yours that you are cultivating with – MUST be informed of them.
Where so many roleplayers fall into the trap of calling IC/OOC bleeding, methinks, is that when they cheat on another character and the unspoken rules and promises of dedication for that character are specifically broken. While many authors -are- both upset IC and OOC, the reasons often vary quite drastically. Perhaps they’re upset in the same way – but, to be crude, because my character is involved sexually with another and is cheated on does not mean that I am upset my IC character was cheated on. I do not have sexual attraction to pixels on a screen – that is not the -reason- for the upset. The -reason- for the upset is by entering into that relationship, with that character, it became a situation and promise, a dedication of those characters to the other and by that agreeing on both parties’ ends to write the story to conclusion. If you do not -state- your intent and get the O.K. from the other coauthor, it leaves them feeling left out, cheated of what was promised of them, and quite frankly it’s just as bad as if you’re autoed them or metagamed them.
Hypothesized solutions for this are really quite simple; communication. Communication is not only relevant on an IC level – you MUST communicate OOCly with your writing partner, or it -will not- work. Every meaningful progression for -that- storyline -must- be approved by both authors. And if a 'no’ is stated, and you wish to keep the storyline going, then you must respect the no. You cannot maintain or retain information and expect the situation to resolve itself.
Keep in mind that I do not claim that all IC/OOC bleeding into this category; while I imagine the vast majority of IC/OOC fallout across Moon Guard falls into the category addressed by this (thesis?) there is the toxic IC/OOC bleeding as well, which extends less to the characters and more toward the person themselves, and is more common in couples who actually know each other IRL. However, the vast majority of people that I meet – myself included – who stand accused of constant IC/OOC bleeding… when we get upset, we aren’t upset at the other person because they did something with someone else. The problem is that they ruined the story, derailed the plot entirely and wasted hours of input effort and emotes for essentially nothing. I would find it hard to believe that most of those who stand accused of IC/OOC bleeding -care- what their roleplay partners do in their spare time, or on other characters. The vast majority only care and are hurt because by putting that SPECIFIC, 1 CHARACTER into a relationship, they promised to see that story through to completion or stagnation. While ALL OTHER characters are fair game, you have now -locked- that character, you have dedicated and promised it to another. Why would one not simply log over and enter into a new co-authorship on a -different- character? Why must it be the character that is already locked? If you are truly so unhappy with that promise, then make sure your partner knows and end the roleplay.
Promises and integrity are possibly the most valuable social symbols of status it is possible to hold on the internet. In a world where our faces are lies, our bodies are avatars and our words are regulated alphanumeric characters, our anonymity is no excuse to cease being, in essence, a semi-decent person. Promises are made to be kept, and I don’t know a single person who inputs hours of effort on a promise which is then broken who -wouldn’t- be upset.
IN SHORT.
IC - >; OOC = Bad. Don’t do this. Characters are not you and if they become or are written as you, then you are playing an avatar, and this is pretty dangerous as far as emotional and mental health goes. In fact, it’s actually pretty good to be able to distance yourself and play something entirely contrary to your OOC nature… just make sure the character isn’t doing anything bad or you’ll get blamed for your character’s actions and people will try really damn hard to make it out that you the author are your characters, at least in the RP community. Good luck playing villains.
OOC - >; IC = Also bad, but not as bad as a lot of people would play it as. Technically, everything you do IC is regulated OOC. If you OOC don’t like someone, you probably won’t ICly interact with them. If their TRP has information or opinions you don’t agree with (Which characters cannot see, making this OOC information) you choose to ICly not interact. And you OOCly decide (usually by asking the other author) if your char would know them or not beforehand.
IC shouldn’t be OOC. OOC kind of has to have some bearing on IC because communication between authors is key.
EDIT: I wrote this thesis about 8 months ago. I’ve adapted it in like, two places to fit within WoW’s forum guidelines but otherwise it’s copy-pasted exactly as it was. If it doesn’t seem to address the opening post EXACTLY and gets a bit tangent-y in some places, that’s why.