Hallow's End - Storytime with Docworm

On Hallow's End and Winter Veil, I do storytimes in tradechat, each year. If you missed storytime for Hallow's End this year, I've included it below so that you can cuddle up with a nice hot cup of melted candy-korn, and have a read. Here is the script of my story from tonight:
Now for our Featured Story: NIGHT-MARE ON HELM STREET
May was walking along, humming along, to a tune in her head … on the night of the dead. But she had been happy, since rolling out of bed! For tonight, she would don a wedding veil on her head! For regardless of Headless Horseman strife,
…May would tonight marry Tommy, love of her life. Similarly to May, across the way, whistled Tommy.. as he stacked bales of hay. [you can almost hear a Mule’s bray!] Anyway, … Greer is spelled with two e’s, but Tommy often spelled “Grear” with an “A”.
Tommy was a wicked strong lad. Let me tell you how awesome Tommy was: at last year’s Headless Horseman invasion, Tommy and his cuz, (cousin) Greer, put out the village fires (like a dozen), and then killed the horseman ghost. All of a sudden!
Of course back when that went down, this old lady in town, looked at them with a frown. (Note they were dressed as firemen, as they stopped Goldshire from burning down…) And she said “what interesting costumes, boys!” and filled their fire helmets with candy, and toys.
Well after that, it was clear, that as Hallow’s End time drew near, Tommy and cousin Greer decided something about their fire-fighting gear. “Why settle for a mere… “ *sigh* “two helms of candy here, when we fight the fires, and allay townspeople’s fears?”
Tommy answered Greer with a sneer: “What are you saying?” as Tommy finished his beer. “I don’t have time to bother with this.. I’m marrying May! …” … “you know.. my dear?”
“Oh yeah, I remember about May. But dude, I’m a little miffed.. Hallow’s End is OUR day. I can’t help but wonder if our friendship is beginning to fade?”
Tommy smiled back at his cousin Greer with reassurance. “Look, cuz, our friendship has endurance! … what is your plan for this year’s Hallow’s End occurrence?”
Greer squinted his eyes, like they were hatching a plan. As if two savage, shrewd little eggs, would slide from the eyes of that little man. “Check out what’s in this sack, Tommy.. the sack in my hand!” And as Tommy looked at the sack in Greer’s hand, immediately he knew..
He knew he was a fan. For in Greer’s sack, the sack in Greer’s hand, was a stack of sack stuff, the stuff for a plan! The lady who gave them candy last year, while their helmets were in hand, would surely fill more helms, if more helms were to be had.
So Greer had a dozen helms, for tonight’s little feat: they would put them in Goldshire, all over the street. And the woman who mistakenly thought they were costumed, would fill those helms with candy. Such candy to eat.
Then Tommy figured, after the Hallow’s end haul, he’d head off to the wedding, and get married without stall. No problem at all. … but of course, that’s always a jinx. Just as sure as there’s Winter, Spring summer, and fall.
Nevertheless, Tommy and cousin Greer readied themselves, with both wedding and fire-fighting gear. First they would put out fires, and spread Halloween cheer. Then they would collect candy, from the old lady, weird. Then Tommy would marry May.. his eternal deer.
But something went wrong. Very wrong, here. So back into this story, young May must appear.
You see, May.. getting ready, she was a sight to behold. Like a Disney movie, surrounded by animals, she tried her gown in the sheep fold. Her decorator had made all the necessary arrangements, she was told. Unfortunately, that included getting candles.. from the Kobold.
YOU NO TAKE CANDLE, came a shriek, from outside the barn door. May knew the Kobold’s voice- so she hit the floor. The Kobold could smell her, so he let out a roar: “YOU NO TAKE MY CANDLE, YOU LITTLE ..”
So what’s more, …
Well. Poor little May laid mangled on the floor. From her dead little body, the blood started to pour. And Tommy, in Goldshire, would have been out of his gourd, had he known he could have been there, to save her. (with his sword.)
May’s family came upon the barn a little later. No sign of May, and a wedding to cater! That brutal mean Kobold had put May in a trunk, as dead as he had made her. And hid the trunk, hoping that time would go on to decay her.
Time passed on that night, and the fires did come. Ignorant of May’s death, Tommy and Greer got candy and then some. They threw all the water, and townspeople thanked them. Their fireman uniforms were so good- nobody outranked ‘em.
Then came time for a midnight wedding. Tommy was late, so he ran. He started sweating. The streets of Goldshire were lined with the helms they had left- and filled with candy those helms had a crapload of heft. Slower than usual, he was.. when he left.
But he didn’t get far, our time management failure Tommy- before he heard voices in the distance.. it was his Mommy. She and some others, from both families, were crying May’s name- sounding ill at ease.
“Where’s May,” asked the parents as they looked wildly around, “She’s not with you? She’s nowhere to be found!”
Tommy knelt to put down the sack from his back, … you know, the sack with the snacks from the helms a few paragraphs back. He put his sack snack pack down right there, and he said “well why are you giving ME all the flack? I’m a hero tonight!... JACK!”
May’s father’s face was sober and white like tombstone. His eyes were so long, off of which the moon shone, as he wiped away a tear and let out a groan: “did you go to win candy, leaving our little May ALONE?”
Tommy explained his yearly tradition, the old lady who had thought he and his fire-fighting cousin didn’t hold firefighter positions, and that this ritual had begun since before the wedding proposition. He even clarified that it was a difficult decision.
“So you line the streets of Goldshire with helms for the candy, so the lady will think that you both are quite dandy, but that there are more of you this year than last? You’re so randy- but WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?” May’s father said, quite ranty.
It was at that moment that a call came from the Maclure farm over yonder- where May had grown up, where she and Tommy Joe Stonefield had grown fonder. The scream was from a stable hand who couldn’t be blonder. (but the hair color doesn’t matter).
It’s what was in the stable, or barn you could say- a hastily hidden trunk, partially buried in the hay. Stupid Kobolds are stupid, we luckily can say- so the truck was found already that day. Inside was the bloody remain of someone. But of course .. my story’s not done.
It turns out in the end, that body had no ring- it was not Tommy’s girl- that is the sting. The Kobold screwed up, like he does everything- he didn’t light a candle when he did the murder thing. What actually happened were Stranger Things™
No not the Netflix series, you sheep! This is World of Warcraft, you commercialist creep! Oh all right, let’s get back to the story here. The body in the trunk, was none other than GREER!!!
He had actually snuck off, and tried to save young May- he had snuck off in the first place, because jealous.. he thought May was so BAE. Greer wanted one more chance for a roll in the hay, so he ditched cousin Tommy on wedding day.
But when Greer saw the Kobold, he let out a shriek. It was not May who was killed by that freak. She backed into a corner, behind a donkey that reeked- just like when they were kids and they would play hide and seek.
When Greer was assaulted, poor May couldn’t help. She fainted instead without even a yelp. Greer took the heat from the angry Kobold. It was Greer in the chest- the family was trolled! It’s a tragedy of course- and Tommy took blame.
On this, the Stonefields and Maclures did not really think the same. So this was the problem that started the flame, of the Stonefield and Maclure feud, of Elwynn Forest fame.
Now that it’s over, let me tell you this Fall- that the story’s not over … NOT AT ALL! For Greer lies in a grave in a top-secret place, where the hay grows so high it puts sneezes in your face. His name is misspelled with an A in the E’s place.
The chest is his coffin, and it’s buried below- and unfortunately they have misspelled his name on his humble headstone. Each Halloween as kids walk through the graveyard at night, they sometimes hear noises, which cause them a fright.
But then they see a guy, empty helm by his side and looking quite grizzled. He’s chipping away with a hammer and chisel. The kids breathe relief and say with a sigh, “omg you scared us, caretaker guy!”
Greer glances with a wink, and reminds them on the fly: “don’t steal any candy, don’t trick gullible old ladies, don’t steal your cousin’s woman.. “
“…or you could die.” He misses the point, that silly dead guy. BTW, at that very moment, a horse walked by. I guess you could call her a “night-mare” (on helm street). (omg, why why why.)
The point of the story- to end my long ramble: whenever you hear chiseling near a grave, remember this advice, which I think you can handle: when planning a wedding, “YOU NO TAKE CANDLE.”
This has been storytime with Docworm.
Tune in to tradechat on December 25 for Storytime with Docworm, Winter Veil edition: "Silent DeathKnight".
I plan for story time every year. I missed it last year so I am grateful I could find it here. This year, I was very happy I had the day off. I've asked doc many times to have story time on two different days for his fans that can't get the day off. This year, despite having the day off and knowing the time, I missed it again. I even skipped a raid for it but my dog, who is not a fan of Doc, distracted me. I hope to see the story here soon. Thank you again to our president of Kilrogg.
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This year's story:
You’ve heard already about the horseman and his fire fetish. The nuns being attacked by bats, as well- when “show them your cross” meant cussing them to hell.
And of course how the kobolds were murderously mad when their candles were used as wedding decorations by Maybell and Tommy Joe, those fated lovers from Elywnn Forest. You probably recall the “grave mistake” that the man in the hole had made.
If you haven’t heard those stories, you missed out- but tonight’s story is worth a shout. Tonight’s story? A “basic witch” is what this story is about. I’m in Stormwind’s trade district, btw, check me out.
WOW’s crazy cat lady is Donni Anthania, do you know that? The lady from Elwynn Forest, with all the cats? Well what you didn’t realize until tonight, was that she is a witch! A basic witch, is quite a sight.
Little Anduin, before he was king of the land, was a boy running through the forests, playing in the sand. The little prince’s parents let him run free, and run he did, sometimes missing for a day.. or two .. or three.
On this weird occasion it was Hallow’s End. And Anduin was wearing his costume, just playing pretend. The Stormwind Guard had sent him out to bring a pumpkin pie to Anthania.. Anduin didn’t know why, but he was told not to offend.
“Don’t dilly or dally, don’t eat any soup. Don’t use the restroom, to pee or to poop. Just drop off the pie and say your goodbye, and meet us at Goldshire Inn, we’ll be sitting on the stoop.” So Anduin did has he was told.
He dropped off the pie and petted a cat. He asked where the old lady had gotten her at. Anthania replied, while staring at a spoon, that she won the cat as a kitten, for composing the best tune.
“…but my piano is gone, and I no longer compose, I just love to feed my cats, and to cook, I suppose.” …. “are you hungry, little Anduin?” You can guess where THIS story goes…
Well Anduin was hungry, and that was a truth! He had hurried right past Thomas the Baker’s bread booth, when he hurried his way out to Elwynn for this, and his tummy felt grumbly, like his tummy had a tight, clenched fist.
“I could eat,” Anduin smiled, from the side of his face, with his eyes glancing sideways, adding cuteness to the place. For Anthania was attractive to Anduin that day, and to Anduin’s stomach? Food was certainly the way.
“I was planning some soup, so I’m wondering if you could,” Anthania asked, as she looked for firewood, “go outside and get sticks and some logs, would be good.” Anduin strolled out the door, to the logs. And then…
Anduin gazed back through the window, as Anthania was slicing up a hen. But the weirdest thing happened, to the cauldron over the fire- Anthania sang a beautiful song, that was sure to inspire. It was familiar.
Anduin listened to the song, as he looked through the pane, but what he saw next would soon drive him insane: after Anthania finished singing, the fire had flames. She hit the side of the pot three times, with her spoon.
(*clank, clank clank*) went the spoon, and suddenly the pot had filled with hot soup! It had noodles, and chicken, and delicious looking gloop!! Seeing this spectacle took Anduin aback. He leapt two steps backward, dropping the logs in a stack.
Feeling foolish a bit, he picked up the wood, and brought it inside, to show beautiful Anthania that he could. “I’ll play it cool right now, and that soup smells delicious. And if I play my cards right, Donni Anthania will kiss us!!”
So Anduin ate until his stomach was full. And they laughed about local folklore, nearly falling off stools. Stories of kobolds and other Goldshire residents. They even discussed the legend of a trade chat president.
At the end of the night, as the evening grew dark, even the Headless Horseman’s mount had been parked. Anduin had gotten no action, with this attractive older lady, but he was of course a gentleman, and did nothing shady.
“Anduin,” Anthania asked, breaking the silence in two, “I need a favor, and I think that I’ll ask it of you. I must travel tonight, to bring soup to my dear old friend, Pat.. but I need someone to stay here, to watch over the cats.”
Anduin consented to house-sit for her, but she warned him one thing: don’t give the soup pot even one stir. “If you must eat while you’re here, go out looking for berry trees, for the soup is for special occasions like these.”
Anduin promised he wouldn’t go into the soup pot, leaving the spoon on its hook, hanging by a leather knot. And on her way out the door, Anduin was reminded she was a musician, as she sang a little song about superstition.
“Soup is only there, for those who share, so whenever we dare, to pull up a chair, the soup doesn’t care, except when we’re a pair,…” and her voice trailed off, as she left and Anduin stared. Smitten, Anduin waited.
But after a while, Anduin grew bored, waiting for bae. He even kind of regretted consenting to stay! But he was a boy of honor, so Anthania’s request he obeyed. But for one part- to all our dismay: he decided to make soup.
Anduin didn’t want to make soup in the old fashioned way. He too felt he had some magic, so he decided to play. He sang that same song he had heard from the witch, and banged on the soup pot, using a spoon as a switch.
And wouldn’t you know, wouldn’t you guess? Do you think the soup pot filled up with magical soup? No? or .. yes?
Well the soup pot WAS full, and he ate a big bowl. In fact, he had to eat more, until his whole tummy had swole. But the pot kept on filling, and noodles like snakes, were crawling toward him, and he began to shake.
Anduin ran down to Goldshire where the guards were asleep. They had been waiting for him to meet them, since leaving the keep. Worried for Anduin, their relief was immediate, but Anduin explained the soup,
And they scolded him: “you idiot.”
By the time they came back to the cabin, it was filled- with soup hot and steamy. Even when they tried banging the kettle and screaming “STOP!” the soup smelled delicious, savory, and creamy.
The area filled with liquids so deep- and the cats had all drowned, floating on top as if asleep. “Oh my Titans, what in Azeroth have you done,” screeched the melodious voice of Anthania at once.
“I told you not to make soup by yourself, you little dunce!” She went into the soup, as it burnt on her skin, screaming her song, but from outside to in. The steam from the soup obscured most of the vision, but as it turns out,
She drowned in the kitchen.
Anthania’s funeral was held in the cemetery nearby. People eulogized her with stories of her songs, said goodbye. Anduin, filled with guilt, just stood there and cried. He waited until everyone had left for the night.
After Anthania was buried, beneath the cold ground, Anduin listened carefully- a tune was around. It seemed kind of familiar- but it wasn’t the sound, that Anthania had sung, on her way out of town.
No, this tune was different, like that song but it was backwards. BACKWARDS. The caretaker was nearby, he had been dozing. He woke up to reassure Anduin: “Oh, that musical dead lady is just decomposing.” …de..composing… ;-)
Now there is another fact that is likely to inspire: when you head out of Stormwind, down to Goldshire, tap a spoon three times gently on the water cauldron you’re using on the fire- and you’ll still smell the soup Anduin greatly admired.
The End. This has been Storytime with Docworm.