[H] <Fracture> 10/10N 10/10H CASTLE NATHRIA IS RECRUITING?

Hyjal
1

The Boring Stuff:
We are an AOTC focused raid guild (Heroic) and will move into Mythic if we have the raid size to do so until the next raid tier comes out.

Raid Times:
Progression: Tuesday and Wednesday 6pm to 9pm PST
Optional Alt/Fun Run: Friday 6pm to 9pm PST

Currently Recruiting:
Windwalker Monk/Warrior
Mage
Elemental Shaman
Warlock

Contact:
Crunxi
Wedgezilla#1953 (Battle Net)
Crunx#2635 (Discord)
————————————-
Sundown
Greed#1443 (Battle Net)
Phelon Keller#7329 (Discord)

The Slightly Less Boring Stuff:
The same thing happens every tier; we kill the last boss and our group of amateur bikini models/casual raiders realize they would rather be doing something else with their lives and we end up having to scour the modeling agencies and mediocre guilds for fresh recruits.

Step 1: So, you’ve looked over our raid logs and believe that you are slightly less terrible than our current terrible players and you are one of the recruited classes/specs listed and for some reason you want to raid with us. Well, I suggest you contact Crunxi about joining the guild.

Step 2: We talk. You lie to us about how fantastic you are. We lie to you about how fantastic we are. We both realize we are lying to each other and then drink a bottle of wine and cry it out while you admit to keying your ex’s car after you broke up. Wait, OMG… this sounds like my dating life.

Step 3: Leave your guild and join us.

Step 4: Convince us during the first few raids that you weren’t raised by feral animals, or lived under high power transmission lines next to a Lead mine by not blowing up the raid six times in a row and you should fit in.

Disclaimer:

Why is Fracture the right guild for you? Well, it probably isn’t if we are being honest. We offer no free flasks, food, repairs, potions, or oils, and our IRA/401K programs have a .5% match (FYI: you work for tips here). The two perks of the guild are the dental plan (the babies need braces) and the unique experience of talking with Crunxi in a private chat.

2

Valentine’s day is officially in the rear view mirror and I have one last crappy heart-shaped candy that tastes like chalk (I ate the rest of the bag) that I’d like to pawn off on a special DPS with a healing off-spec. Will you be that certain someone?

3

I stole the last candy, if you were wondering.

4

Madi Gras is here! Grab your favorite party inspired drink because we are raiding tonight! The highest dps in raid will be lavished with Madi Gras beads, while the drunken screw ups will be passed out in the gutter. Come apply and Show Us Your DPS!

5

Bucket List:

  1. Bless the rains down in Africa.
  2. Swim with Dolphins.
  3. Finish Ironman (13:55:06).
  4. Killed Sire Denathrius.
  5. Recruit DPS with Healing Off-Spec.
  6. Recruit Monk or Warrior
6

It’s happened; we have killed Sire Denathrius and the casuals have fled the guild in search of fame and fortune as “Street Poets” (wtf! seriously you guys?!?). Please feel free to support them at your local coffee shop’s Poetry Slam night and shower them with “snaps” and second rate coffee as they spiral into economic servitude and end up in the back room of seedy massage parlors (feel free to support them there too).

As a result, we now have open spots and freed up the salary cap for our raid team (Haha, just kidding, we won’t actually pay you).

7

I like to tell people in the guild that they should play the class and specs that they love; yet somehow this was mistranslated to play every class and spec you love and try to sneak it into raid and wipe us. So, now we are reassigning everyone based on their preferred class pronouns and making adjustments to the raiding roster (a Brewmaster Monk self identifies as a Balance Druid now!!! I…I don’t even know anymore.). So, go ahead and look over our recruiting requirements and see if you are one of those classes (or what the hell…just be any class and pretend you are one of those classes we need).

8

You may be asking yourself “Who in their right mind would allow Sundown to become the guild master of Fracture?”. Well, after waking up on the cool comforting bathroom floor after several nights of drinking, smoking, and womanizing our esteemed GM has found a new life of desecrating his mind and body instead of chasing parses, phat lewts, and sweet chirps with the rest of us. So a horrible decision has been made to make me GM of the guild and now I have to pretend to be responsible and stop slow down on the drinking, smoking, and womanizing ……

With all that out of the way we are still recruiting lackeys, suckups, and buffbots to help my parses, raid team, and plans on implementing new ways of torturing our existing raiders.

P.S. for guild members: If I ever find out who altered my guild note making fun of me I will use my new found guild funds personal fortune to make your life miserable.

9

9.0.5 Patch has arrived with a resounding snore by the raiders and hardcore anima farmers while the legendary crafters cheer on the re-tuning of all the legendaries (I hate myself for taking everyones hard earned gold in the AH every few hours…j/k, please keep buying my over priced legendaries).

While you are here looking over this post, please head up to the top and look over our recruiting needs and feel free to apply for the needed raid spots.

Please note that if you join Fracture you will get the amazing opportunity to play with the very highly server ranked Demon Hunter Hazz’ed (Ranked: 5 DPS, at least until the better Demon Hunters start to parse in Heroic Castle Nathria).

10

Tired of listening to your raid members ramble on about inane stat weights, soul binds, Venari rep rewards, and their latest crayon drawing (Jesus, I can almost smell their fetid nerd breath through Discord)? Stuck somewhere in Heroic and your dreams of AOTC slowing fading away? Why not become my new best friend, pick up a somewhat painless AOTC, and join Fractured.

11

So I was sitting back and finishing off yet another jug of gin when I read the rumor mill about the next raid coming out in July or August. Full Stop. What the Ho-Lee-F.

From what I’ve been able to gather in my drunken haze, Blizzard sent everyone home for the last year with college ruled notebooks to write out their code for 9.1 by hand, then mailed it to some guy in China who is busy updating the servers one at a time as we speak. Needless to say it is going to be delayed a bit.

So, we all get to enjoy Castle Nathria for potentially half of the expansion while guilds implode in rapid succession as they hold their breath for a lifeline from Blizzard.

So where does this leave us?!?

  1. I’m going to need more cheap gin.
  2. I’m going to need more recruits.
  3. Heck, I might even need more socials.

While you watch your guild fade away, and you stubbornly want to keep playing WoW,
go ahead and contact us Sundown.

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