[Goblin H-RP] <Flashbang Exports> Boomtastic!

Flywheel spotted the solitary goblin Kragus going through the trash. Thinking he must be some down-in-his-luck homeless gambler, she approached and stood at a respectable distance.

With one hand over her heart, and the other raised to shoulder-height in a gesture of peace, she cautiously cleared her throat.

"Eh, pardon me. Do you perchance require the services of the First Church of Kezan? I am priestess Flywheel. While I generally ask for small donations for my services, I can see that ya may be lackin' in that department. No matter. A hot bowl of clam soup and a salty bath, and ya'll be good as new. Maybe I can even give ya job. It's better than rubbish-collecting, I tell ya that."

<Flywheel paused as a rowdy gaggle of gnomes streaked past the mouth of the alleyway, giggling like 3-year-olds. She suppressed the urge to smite them with one of her spells. She was trying to appear dignified and calm, after all.>

"Actually, maybe it is a bit like takin' out the trash..."
"Eh, wha?!" Kragus looked up from his sifting to see who was speaking to him. He found a female goblin making some strange sign at him. He listened to her offer him a job without going into details and some soup. Suddenly some gnomes zipped across the mouth of the alleyway temporarily stealing the goblins' attentions. Kragus grimaced at the gnomes and then turned back to the nice lady that had clearly mistaken him for homeless. Being a regular scavenger for his toy parts, Kragus was used to be misidentified with the downtrodden. This wasn't the first time.

"Well... uhhh... thank yeh toots, but I'm doing just fine." He didn't mention what he was doing or why. Kragus tended to keep quiet about his business as he'd found directly discussing his environmentally friendly profit model with other goblins was met with any one of several negative responses. His mind drifted to the time he tried to convince Speedbarge Subsidiaries to consider using vegetable oil to power their barges for a slight loss of profit but also a promise of a better tomorrow. They keelhauled him around a Thousand Needles for about an hour. It took him days to get all the water out of his ears. Kragus snapped out of his memory to see the kind, female goblin looking at him rather oddly waiting for more information.

"I uhh... just... lost something... a necklace. Yeah a valuable necklace. Checkin' everywhere, even the trash." He began to worry that the trash actually belonged to this goblin. Did she see him take the pick up, read, and take the note? Had she noticed his satchel full to the brim of wood? He decided not to wait to find out. "Anyways.. yeah. Not here. I'll be goin' now. Gonna make sure it wasn't those pesky gnomes that just ran by. Bye." Kragus started down the alley towards the female goblin and the exit. Sweat was streaming from his brow. Would she let him pass?
Flywheel used her small frame to try to block Kragus's path. She figured her new crown gave her an extra couple of inches in height, and along with her long staff she might be able to fool the unwary into thinking she was more intimidating than she really was.

She placed a tiny gloved hand on his shoulder as Kragus tried to squeeze past her out of the alleyway. "Now, just hang on a sec' there, buster."

Flywheel waited until she'd made eye contact. This was rather difficult given the floppy loose hood he was wearing. Realising her efforts were fruitless, she cleared her throat instead to get his attention.

"Are ya telling me that amongst all that rubbish is a valuable necklace?! How can ya just walk away when such golden riches await? What kind of goblin WALKS AWAY from treasure?" Flywheel immediately pulled out a small red notebook and pen, wrenching the cap off with her sharp, pointy little teeth.

"I'm gonna have to book ya in for therapy. One week for losing an item so precious, and another two for not bein' able to find it again. Don't ya own a pair of spectroscopic x-ray high power googles for such jobs?" Flywheel shook her head in disappointment.

"I'm gonna need a name, date o' birth, ya cartel, and ya current place o' residence. All in the name of the First Church of Kezan, o' course, We're here for the people! (And the gold.)"
Also a re-post of our upcoming event coming up this Friday!

We are having a goblin lore expedition to Sludge Fen in the Northern Barrens. The lore expeditions are a reoccurring event, about every month or so (but the actual date may change). Basically it's a chance for new goblins to learn how to be goblins. So it's aimed at RP beginners mostly, but anyone who doesn't mind a bit of repetition and friendly goblin banter is welcome to come along. We'll be interviewing NPCs and finding out their place in the world - who they're friends with, who they're not, and what they're trying to achieve.

Ths month, we'll be starting out by visiting the Bilgewater Cartel goblins at Nozzelpot's Outpost in the Northern Barrens, and finding out why they're stationed there. Not far away is the Sludge Fen, which is run by the Venture Trading Co. What is the relationship between these two groups, and what is their objective? Come along to find out!

What: Goblin Lore Expedition - Sludge Fen
When: Friday 4th May, 9pm
Where: Nozzlepot's Outpost, Northern Barrens
What to bring: Some gumboots. It's going to be muddy!
These are top quality gobs. I guarantee it.
Kragus cringed as the female goblin put her hand upon his shoulder. To him, she was actually quite strong.

Dammit! I hope she doesn't want this wood back. Finders keepers. Tell me she didn't see me find and keep that note. Tell me I'm not about to find myself in an incredibly uncomfortable situation.... again. I've been in way too many recently.

His brain drifted a recent escapade when he decided to sell some poor quality ores to some gnomes at top price because they looked exceptionally dumb, more so than normal. Turned out they were actually exceptionally strong. Strong like this fem gob's hand on his shoulder. He snapped back to his current reality. His cringe turned to a relieved yet silly grin as she began to speak. He instantly recognized her words as a simple pitch. He bit his tongue as she expertly played upon his insecurities and fears in an attempt to make a sale and slightly humiliate him. He ducked under her hand and stepped on the opposite side of her, his exit now assured.

Can't !@#$ a %^-*ter lady.

"Yeah, of course I got a a pair of spectroscopic x-ray high power goggles, lady. This necklace is made of an experimental new kinda material that doesn't emit spectroscopic rays. You can't even see it with the naked eye. I'm just gonna have to sift through every pile of garbage in the closest three square miles. If I can get my hands on it and reverse engineer the material, I can learn to create more and make a ton of gold. You're welcome to search the heaps. I mean, I believe in finders keepers, but I'm pretty confident that I'll find the necklace before you do. Of course, I've got a coupla pieces of additional information about its possible location that you'll never find out before I find the thing. But good luck to you anyways, toots."

He scampered out of the alley and down the street and around the corner giggling. He was sure she'd be looking through trash for the next few hours. As he continued down the street, he passed a billboard, and a flyer for a goblin lore expedition caught his eye. He'd never been a history buff, but for some reason he felt compelled to rip of one of the tabs at the bottom of the flyer with the event details.

Maybe I'll check this out. I could use a new hobby.
A couple of images from our event, "Goblin Lore Expedition: Sludge Fen" here:



For the full story and more pictures, see the RP channel in Flashbang Export's discord:


The event was heaps of fun! Thanks to all the goblins and our 2 awesome forsaken, Jhonen and Bellemonte, for coming along.

I hope to see you all again next time for more goblin-themed adventures!
Had a great time. Thanks!
Flywheel looked annoyed as the fast-talking goblin slipped through her fingers. Not that she had been about to sell him into slave labor or anything, but she could certainly have gotten him off the streets to restore a bit of his goblin dignity. "Maybe I can take him for a walk down Glitz Alley and set 'em up with a new pair of shades and tailored suit. Goblins need to be treated as respectable members of society, not scavenging lil' rats!"

She took a cursory glance about the alley to see if she could spot a flash of this experimental non-spectroscopic ray emitting metal poking out from beneath an old crate , or a pile of food scraps.
"Pssh!" Flywheel said in disgust. As if she would be caught DEAD rummaging through rubbish!

Three days later, Flywheel happened to be walking past the same location in Ratchet, using her fancy fake-diamond-topped bling cane as a walking stick, when she spotted a group of gnomes arguing outside the neutral bank. On the ground in the middle of the group, was a small pile of what looked to be rubble. However, her reading from her thermo-sensitive metal-detecting neon wristwatch indicated that it was in fact, very poor quality iron ore.

While she didn't speak gnomish, the little twerps were common enough around the port city that no one seemed to be paying any attention to them stomping their feet and shouting at each other, as they pointed their waggly, stumpy little fingers accusingly.

"Hey. Nice pile of rocks!" Flywheel said in goblin dialect as she laughed and gestured towards the dull, broken rubble. Inwardly, she congratulated herself for her clever wit. The gnomes didn't understand her, but that was irrelevant. At least their cheeks got a little redder from the perceived insult. Flywheel smirked as she continued her way towards Gazlowe's abode.

Then, from the corner of her eye, she spied the bin-scavenging goblin Kragus watching her from an upper floor window. Was he amused, or frightened to see her? There was only one way to find out. Pushing her way past Jazzik, the goblin general supplies merchant, Flywheel raced up the stairs and attempted to pin Kragus with the length of her bling cane staff against the wall.

"Hey!" Flywheel said hotly, gritting her teeth and bracing her body against the staff should Kragus decide to struggle. "I've seen ya before. First, lookin' for that lost necklace, and then at the Sludge Fen. Are ya pulling some funny deals, pal? Are ya keepin' tabs on me? I saw ya with Cazixx. You boys are running ya own shop, ain't that right? Speak up quick before I smite ya!"
This weekend on Saturday at 8pm Flashbang Exports will be visiting the Darkmoon Faire to listen to the Blight Boar concert. We'll also be having a go at finding that elusive hound Moonfang, and trying to stay alive in the Deathmatch Pavillion.

If you'd like to have a go at these features, or just hang out for some casual RP, please come along! Non-guildies and non-goblins welcome.
On a side note, Flashbang Exports has just achieved the classic guild raider achievement. I am very proud of our team! While this may sound easy, getting 10 guild members together online, of adequate level, all interested in pursuing the same goal on multiple separate occasions is not!

So we're now working on Level 70 Outlands raids (9:30pm Fri June 1 - Black Temple is our next one). Many of our members will level just so that they can participate and help us accomplish these raids. Such devotion is a rare thing, but goblins still have it!

We're working on many other guild achievements as well, so if working as a team is something you miss, and would like to take part in, roll a goblin and join Flashbang Exports! We'll even let you use the guild bank.
Coming up this weekend: Flashbang Exports will be doing a bit of in-guild PvP training at the Gurubashi Arena Saturday night from 8pm server time. Good for people who have never done PvP and would like to try, or alternatively for people who enjoy coaching others.

We'll also be making our presence known at the Horde Guild Expo on Friday night at 9pm in Orgrimmar.

Now is a great time to join if you've always wanted to try a bit of light-hearted goblin RP. Nothing too serious, lots of parties, fireworks, and dancing!
Love goblin RP. Best of luck!
Kragus frowned at the staff and accompanying goblin blocking his way.

No getting around her. Might as well come clean.

"Lick toots.. err.. I mean.. uhh.. Look !@#$... err.. umm..." sputtered Kragus, feeling like he was shrinking while the goblin in front of him appeared to grow as massive as a mountain. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Look lady, I'm not keeping tabs on you. I didn't even know you'd be at the Sludge Fen. I simply saw the flyer and thought I could use a new hobby, and a little history lesson seemed like it might be entertaining. I swear, I had no idea you were gonna be there. Nor did I know you were walking by while I was looking out the window here. I was actually looking at those lil' twerps," he said annoyed, gesturing to the gnomes. Kragus eyed the staff still being held in an intimidating manner. "Look.. you can drop the tough gal act and the staff. I promise I won't take off on you again. I do have a shop and I'll tell you about it if you'd just lighten up a lil' bit."

The female goblin first tightened her grip on the staff while giving Kragus a long, intimidating stare. Then she swiftly rotated it into vertical position and thrust it into the floor with a loud thump. "Alright then," she said tersely, "Talk."

Kragus tried to subtly breathe a sigh of relief, but it was clear he was intimidated. "I promise to talk, but you gotta promise not to. If you hadn't noticed, I seem to get my self in sticky situations fairly frequently because of the kind of goblin I am, which is not standard issue if you catch my drift." Kragus waited for the goblin in front of him to nod, which she did slowly and warily, before he continued. "I'm actually an eco-friendly toymaker, so you don't need to worry about me or mine interfering with your business. Now if you were in the toy business, you'd have a right to be tryin' to intimidate me as my toys would put yours to shame."

The female goblin did not react, holding a steady countenance that betrayed nothing. Kragus' stomach suddenly bottomed out as he realized he had no idea what business this lady was actually in.
Flywheel continued to eyeball Kragus as though he were an ant trying to steal crumbs from her sandwich. She glowered menacingly and puckered her face like a dehydrated lemon. Still, she waited. Just to make sure Kragus was finished his little speech.
"That's it? That's the big secret ya been hiding all this time?!" She shook her head and placed her left hand into a tiny fist at her hip, while her right still clutched the upright wooden staff.

"Honestly, the way ya been carrying on, sneakin' about, tellin' fibs about lost necklaces, turning up like a shadow lookin' for a ghost...I thought ya were an assassin out to get me. I know plenty of gobs who wanna get their hands on my inheritance. And I ain't even seen no hide nor hair of it yet, 'cos Gazlowe ain't dead yet. Thank goodness for that too. There's no way I can compare to that genius of a gobbo."

"Hey! I see ya tryin' to sneak away while I'm busy thinkin' out loud. Don't make me get heavy-handed again." She stepped backwards to block the only exit to the room, a wooden-framed doorway. She took a wide stance with her feet, and used the staff like an over-sized cattle prod.

"You're right. We're not in direct competition. My business is in fireworks and explosives, and we do a little party catering on the side. Now, a toymaker like yourself could have his own little cart at some of our events. You know, alongside the balloon man and the candy floss. I'm prepared to cut ya in now that ya come clean. So, how about we go and have a little chat and drink together while I draw up ya contract? It's only a 10% cut for venue hire. No responsibility taken for accidental death by misfired skyrockets. The rest is yours, provided ya keep ya radio on ya so I can call when we need an extra pair of hands."

Flywheel carefully studied the goblin's expression. Was he going to try to bolt again? Goblins were rare enough, what with the influx of elves from the Broken Isles, so she had to grab help wherever it presented itself. This particular individual was less than ideal, but she could make do. Deciding to trust her instincts, she finally stepped aside and turned sideways, her arms and staff held wide.

"I'm not so scary, am I? Come now, stop gaping. I'm not going to exploit ya. Do I look like someone who would do that?" She fluttered her blue eyelashes innocently.
Kragus eyed the currently open doorway and suppressed a strong urge to bolt. The lady gob's eyes were potently alluring despite his generally chaste nature. As he began to realize this, Kragus pulled back even more at first.

Actually, you seem like exactly the kind of person that would exploit me. That wasn't a bad offer though on the venue spot though, and this lady was also present during the Sludgefen event.

Kragus' concentration broke as the priestess cleared her throat while looking at Kragus even more expectantly.

She really seemed to actually care... even just a little bit about the environmental damage being done by the Venture Company.

"Al.... alright. I'll of course need to peruse the contract in the full before signing as well as consult with my business partner, Praxle. But yeah, that sounds like a right good deal. And you seem to be at least a little more genuine and understanding than most goblins when I mention that my toy shop is eco-friendly. As long as I'm not required to directly damage the natural wonders of Azeroth in pursuit of profit, I'll join your marketplace for no more than the modest fee you suggested. While we can benefit from each others' business interests, I should also let you know that I will have to remain an affiliate. I have another personal allegiance to a group that needs not be discussed. Just know that my allegiance to them will generally not interfere with our prospects."

Kragus spat in his hand and held it out to the goblin priestess.
Also, goblins are the master race. Here's all the proof you need guys:

Frowning at the proffered hand, Flywheel shook her head. "Uh, I dunno where ya come from pal, but I don't enjoy spit globules. I'm a high-class goblin gal that enjoys the luxuries of a rich life!" She waited for him to get the message and put his hand away before continuing. "I'm not sayin' I hang out every night at Gallywix's Pleasure Palace, but I do like a nice lace and tassel cushion to sit on."

Flywheel took a step towards the stairwell, and began a slow descent, glancing once or twice over her shoulder to make sure that Kragus was following her lead. "Let's head to the Broken Keel Tavern. It's not far. It's goblin-owned but the crowd can be a bit mixed, so watch ya valuables. I'll get ya a drink so ya not so nervous about this contract stuff."

As she walked across the rolling grasslands towards the tavern, Flywheel waved at the goblin merchants. She seemed to know each of them by name. Most of them greeted her cordially, but a few began muttering to themselves once Flywheel was out of earshot. Her long skirts rustled against her legs, and absently she clutched a long leather strap that secured her bulging hip pouch across her shoulder.

Flywheel chose a table next to the far wall of the establishment, and eased herself onto the bench. Checking to make sure that Kragus had not bolted, she lifted her gaze to meet his. "There now, relax while I find these papers. Do ya fancy something to eat?" Positioning her notepad behind some strategically-placed oversized ale mugs, Flywheel pulled out her pen from the pouch and quickly began jotting down a contract agreements. She made sure to keep the lettering small, so if his eyesight was bad, Kragus might not even be able to read what he was agreeing to.

"I can't say when they'll be, but sometime in the future we're gonna be having some massive parties. If ya ever been to Icecrown in Northrend, they have one every year called the Tournament of Ages. Actually, we've never been but that's only 'cos we're a young business. Now, if ya wanna make sure the world knows about goblins, ya gotta have presence. I'm not talking about gaudy clothes and lots of bling (although those do help), I'm talking about numbers, volume, and hot-priced deals."

"So are ya sold? I reckon we could fit ya toy cart in next to ours. Just sign on the-"

Flywheel gasped as a tall, shadowy figure stepped into the doorway, blocking out the light.

((Leaving that hook open if anyone would like to join our conversation, or if not, you're also welcome to fill it Kragus! ))
We have a new goblin-themed event coming up at the end of June. It is targeted at Oceanic roleplayers. So often players from other timezones miss out on all the action, so this is an attempt to include all our NZ/Aussie/Shiftworker/Other friends!

When: Sat 30 June 5am - Moon Guard server time (CST)
Where: Fuselight, Badlands
What: This will be a goblin lore tutorial, where we meet the NPCs, and find out why they are in the Badlands. We'll also hear any backstories they have, and have a go at fixing their problems. A must for any new goblin wanting to find their place in the world of Azeroth! Non-goblins are also welcome.
Kragus gave an embarrassed grin at Flywheel’s reaction to his spitshake. The last goblin he worked with had insisted to him that it was customary and polite and to not offer the spitshake, especially to fancy gobs like this lady. It could be taken as a sign of severe disrespect. Kragus had a feeling this other goblin had successfully played a very mean trick on him by the look of repulsion on Flywheel’s face. He thought it odd that he had not encountered the practice before, but he had never dealt with a high-class goblin as this fellow had said he was. Was he really high-class?

Wait… is this broad even high-class? If the other guy lied to me…

Kragus decided not to press his luck with that inquiry and wiped his loogie on the back of his pants, hoping to be relieved of the disdainful glare that made him feel very small at that moment. Flywheel started down the stairs.

Whew… glad that’s ov-

Kragus winced as she had to pause and look over her shoulder twice before he realized he was meant to walk with her.


As Kragus walked with her across the grasslands towards the tavern, he noticed as she waved to many of the merchants.

She must know all these folks. Look at the way they respect her! Man, I hope I’m not getting too deep into something here.

Kragus considered running for a moment but instead followed Flywheel into the tavern to a table by the far wall. For some reason, the distance to the exit made him feel extremely nervous. He tried to look calm and collected but probably looked more like a country mouse in a tavern full of tough, city alley cats. He turned his attention back to Flywheel who was busy scrawling out a contract. He craned his neck to see what she was writing, but two oversized ale mugs blocked his vision. He listened to her pitch explaining that the contract would give him a spot next to Flashbang Exports at Tournament of the Ages.

"So are ya sold? I reckon we could fit ya toy cart in next to ours. Just sign on the-"
Flywheel gasped as a tall, shadowy figure stepped into the doorway, blocking out the light. Kragus looked up quickly and nervously from the contract that he was already straining his eyes to read. It became totally illegible with the light of the doorway obscured. The light began to flood back into the tavern as the large figure moved away from the entrance and toward the table where Kragus and Flywheel sat. As it closed in on the table, the returning light revealed a large, angry looking tauren. It loomed over Kragus and Flywheel, but when it spoke, the scratchy voice of a goblin came out.