[Goblin H-RP] <Flashbang Exports> Boomtastic!

Moon Guard
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Ever wondered how a guild made exclusively of one of the least popular character races in all of WoW manages to survive? Let me tell you!

  • We offer our members a unique playstyle and light-hearted RP experience where goblins are not mocked but rather, worshipped!

  • We aren’t too fussy about who we let in. When you only have 4% of the Horde population to recruit from (and only a fraction of those are unguilded) that’s not a lot. So we’re pretty forgiving when it comes to our standards. Also, no fancy application required, you just have to be a goblin!

  • While there are plenty of goblin-themed guilds on various RP servers (which are usually about 10% goblins and 90% blood elves), we are one of only a small handful that are EXCLUSIVELY goblin. People search high and low for guilds like ours, and at least 50% of our new recruits are transfers from other servers.

  • We do our best to look after our members. While it’s an impossible goal to please everyone, in a world full of alt characters, we strive to reward those that play their goblins as their main character. That means easy entry to our all-goblin raid team, and promotions to reward those who are active and participate in guild activities. It’s all about a personalised service, yo!

  • Where else could you RP as a greedy, triple-chinned spa owner with the personality of a snake oil salesman and still be adored by all your peers?!

Now that you’re reading this, let me show you a little of what the guild has been up to lately. As you may know Flywheel took a break from WoW during the pre-expansion blues, and let the mighty Opfuz take the reins of the guild beast. Triumphantly, he managed not only to keep the guild together, but they also ran their own RP events! Now that Flywheel is back, she’s been making a few changes to keep the place looking sharp and crisp and ready for Shadowlands. Check out our new Flashbang Exports Company Structure and Active Roster here:

https://i.imgur.com/yfKWG5z.png
https://i.imgur.com/eBacJZf.png
https://i.imgur.com/sHkoKEX.png

It was also high time that we goblins slipped into our ingenuous gnome suits and trolled the Alliance with our amazing jokes and superior economic prowess. So last night, a group of us Flashbangers (disguised as pink-haired gnomes belonging to the fake guild “Bangflash Imports”) headed to Stormwind to try and gather information on the whereabouts of one of our human contacts, that probably got found out for consorting with the enemy. You can see some of our attempts to speak with the local populace here:

https://i.imgur.com/LQe8XSg.png
https://i.imgur.com/de9Iqrd.png

Shout out to the human male Darrenth, who not only managed to keep a straight face, but actually provided us with very useful RP information! A shame about those zombies. They really throw a spanner in the works when you’re trying to do anything inconspicuous-like…

Tonight at 8pm CST (server time), Scheki is hosting our weekly tavern night at the Wyvern’s Tail! If you want to try us out, just rock along as any character and have a chat to us in character. We’ll talk to undead, blood elves, vulpera, anyone that happens to be in the near vicinity (but we may also try to sell you some dodgy rubbish). Feeling brave? Come along and check us out!

(Posted by Flywheel on an alt character due to forum technicality issues and lack of bribery rules.)

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The Flashbang Exports all-goblin raid team is shaping up nicely and preparing for Shadowlands!

We raid on NORMAL difficulty, venturing into HEROIC once we have cleared normal and we have learned the fights. A few other things to know:

  • We raid on Fridays 10pm-12am CST (server time);

  • Our starting date is Friday January 8, 2021, so everyone has plenty of time to level and gear up at their own pace.

  • We only raid for 2 hours per week. This is a relatively low commitment compared to most raid guilds, which require 4-6 hours per week;

  • This raid is suitable for casual and social players, not hardcore;

  • We require our raid team members to use Discord voice chat and join the Flashbang Exports guild Discord server. You do not have to use a microphone (though it is preferred), but listening is compulsory;

  • We teach mechanics. We do not expect you to know the fights beforehand. Our leaders will go through the fights as we raid and explain what needs to be done;

  • There are no trials or performance tests. Anyone that plays a goblin may join. We do ask that you do your best to meet minimum gear requirements (or you will die too easily during the fight);

  • We raided throughout BfA and completed all raids on normal difficulty (i.e. Uldir, Battle of Daza’Alor (BoD), Crucible of Storms, Eternal Palace (ET), and Nya’lotha. We then completed most fights on heroic. We have come very close to (1-2 bosses away) from attaining AoTC. This is one of our goals!

  • Only goblins are accepted into the raid team. If you only play other Horde races, then you are out of luck! (Vulpera are not accepted);

  • You do not have to be in Flashbang Exports to join. Goblins from any other guild or WoW server are welcome to join us;

  • Due to goblin class limits, we do not allow paladins, monks, druids, or demon hunters into our raids;

  • We do expect our raid team members to be RELIABLE. That means, making a commitment to turn up every week (RL permitting). If you can only come sometimes due to work or family commitments, then you may only play DPS;

  • Tank and healer spots are given preferentially to those that have proven (or sweet talked us enough) that they can be relied upon to be there every week and give it their best;

WHAT WE NEED!
As mentioned at the start of this post, our team is shaping up well. We usually raid with a team of 15 - 25 goblins, with larger teams generally being comprised of more DPS. Here’s what we’re looking for currently:

  • A goblin warrior (prot) or death knight (blood) off-tank
  • A goblin warlock (any spec)
  • A goblin shaman (any spec)

Other goblin classes and specs will also be accepted, but the ones listed above are what we are particularly need.

If you wish to sign up for the Flashbang Exports all-goblin raid team, send a message to Flywheel#4087 on discord and I will provide further instructions from there!

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Flashbang Exports is hosting a social tavern night at the Wyvern’s Tail in the Valley of Honor, Orgrimmar tonight at 8pm to 9pm server time!

This event is generally a bombardment of goblins talking about moolah, dubious scams, gnome assassination plots, the worship of Opfuz’s tentacles, and other silly and economic topics. We also eat a selection of taste-acquired cuisine and some altogether too-strong beverages.

If this doesn’t phase you (nor the sight of a bunch of loud-mouthed shortie greenfolk), then please come and join in! We welcome other races, provided you like goblin company.

See you there.

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Flashbang Exports News Update!

It’s been a busy week with many of our goblins questing with fanatic enthusiasm to attain that glorious level 60 status. Some have been dipping their toes into Torghast, and one or two even acquired a legendary!

Others, like me, have been taking things at a more leisurely pace, entering the realm of Shadowlands only for brief forays, only to duck back out moments later as the whistle blows and other matters demand our attention! Luckily, we’ll all end up at the same place in the end.

Our RP tavern night at the Wyvern’s Tail was a rocking success, and we had not one but TWO awesome visitors drop by to entertain our rowdy goblin crew. The first was Tallal, an ethereal merchant who sold Flywheel a leather handbag made of dreadstead from the planet Xoroth. The other was local celebrity Mirchea Kul’Therin, who bought 5 tickets for Flashbang’s big lottery prize draw. The winnings however, went to Lothaux, a nightborne scholar and GM of Flashbang’s sister (non-goblin) guild, Flashbang Associates! A picture Scheki doing the draw can be seen here:
https://i.imgur.com/MgTwMVp.png

Flashbang Exports also ran two normal dungeon teams at our regular slot of Fridays at 8pm server time. We will be adding a mythic dungeon team starting next week on Sundays at 9pm, lead by Opfuz. Our normal teams whacked their way through Necrotic Wake and Mists of Tirna Scithe, with some of the go-getters running like wrecking balls through the Halls of Atonment as well. Of course, in our guild dungeon runs, there’s always time for a quick selfie on our favourite mounts:
https://i.imgur.com/pShi7H6.png

All our main roles for our Friday 10pm-12am normal raid team are now filled out, which will be starting Jan 8th. We can handle more DPS and healers if the team keeps expanding. Remember, only goblins will be allowed in, but they can be from other guilds or servers!

Flashbang Exports is also very proud to be participating in NMGH’s public community event, For the Hungry! on December 22nd.
https://us.forums.blizzard.com/en/wow/t/h-rp-event-for-the-hungry-winters-veil-edition/746670/5
We will be cooking up some treats in the form of goblin shortbread, clamette surprise, and goblin BBQ, and you can grab some ka’ja cola too…to give ya some really GREAT ideas! Here’s a few, to get ya warmed up:

  • Gloves with built-in clappers, for hands-free clapping.
  • Recycling! But, for stuff that’s never been used before.
  • Soap on a rope! Attached to a chain! Mounted via a steel cable. To some soap.

We also welcome on board Deveria, Fyxx, Gaguzz, Flottsam, Kiwikiwi, Drbombay, Ickz, Usaagi, and Spazzil…all who have joined in the last few weeks. We’re glad to see the return of many of our long time guild members, such as Eddy Potlatch, Finzi, and Melio for the Shadowlands expansion!

Eh, ya get the jazz. It’s all happening! Don’t delay. Join up today! Find us on Guild Finder or request an invite from any guild member online. Yes, we are still goblin exclusive! Only shennanigans here.

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Here’s hoping these goblins live up to their name and go BOOM with one of their devices built utilizing questionable safety protocols!

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What is this…a lowly gnome?!

You got some balls, pal. Showing up on goblin turf and waving those goggles around.

I’ll have you know our devices only OCCASIONALLY blow up and those that perish are ALWAYS covered by a premium life insurance policy!

Zygoxx rushes off to report to Head Office and scrounge together all able-bodied goblins out of hospital

Goblins, it’s time to grease up our cannons!

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Hahahahaha! He said “safety protocols”. Such a silly little gnome.

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Flywheel was in a pensive mood as she sat in her office - a round room with pineapple wallpaper, and a state-of-the-art recliner armchair with a built in robotic foot massager. Perched on the filing cabinet was a white, well-fed goose, that unfortunately did not lay golden eggs.

“Almost three years,” Flywheel said to the goose, who appeared to be fast asleep. “Three years since I committed my life savings and turned my little side shop into a mega-enterprise. Flashbang Exports. The biggest all-goblin manufacturer of pyrotechnics and explosives that Azeroth has ever seen! Here we are. Livin’ the dream-”

A gust of wind suddenly blew in through the open door, rustling some loose pages on Flywheel’s desk, and causing the filling cabinet upon which the goose was perched to rock violently. One page was threatening to permanently lodge itself behind the bank safe, before Flywheel’s swift reflexes (honed from years of dodging assassination bullets) rescued it from a dirty demise.

“Hmm, what’s this? Looks like some kinda important correspondence that got left with the lunchbox invoices. I gotta get myself a new secretary!” Flywheel smoothed the page out and squinted at the rough-handed script.

“Hey boss. Remember that human ya asked us to track? Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news is, he’s probably dead. That means he can’t talk. By that I mean givin’ all our secrets away to the twerpy lil’ gnomes. The bad news is, we never got to pick his brains to find out what he knew about the Alliance Engineering Department. I s’pose there’s only a 99.9% chance that Ertistans is dead, cos I mean…we ain’t found no body. Just a silk shirt. Covered in blood. Recovered from the basement in Westbrook Garrison. I know, I know. Horrid place. Smelled revolting, I tell ya! We got outta there quick smart. We sent the shirt off to the laboratory for forensics. Let’s hope they don’t accidentally burn up the only piece of evidence we got in some rocket fuel experiments. The shoe is on your foot now, toots. Herc out.”

Flywheel recognised the script now, as belonging to Hercula Hagglegood, the brutish goblin she’d sent undercover to spy on Stormwind from the confines of a specially-made gnome suit disguise. In fact, the disguises had been so popular, Flywheel had been forced to order extra wigs and body paint. Who knew gnomes were so freakin’ hairy?!

Rummaging for a pen and paper, Flywheel began a short, straight-to-the-point message to a member of the Board of Executives. Her name was Scheki Shorthook.

“Yo Scheks. We gotta stop this dilly dallyin’ and make sure Ertistans is dead. Actually, I kinda hope he’s still alive 'cos I got unfinished business. Here’s an idea. How about we enlist them tauren nomads we met at the tavern to help us track and scout for clues? Not that we ain’t capable, just…I’d rather not have goblin necks on the line in a hot spot like Elwynn Forest. Ya get me? Good.”

After finishing the new letter, Flywheel stuffed it into an envelope and fed it to a red hand contraption that fed it to a chute that hopefully wasn’t blocked and led to the mail department. Satisfied with her efforts, she leaned back in her armchair and kicked her feet onto the desk with an exhausted sigh.

Suspiciously, the sleeping goose had not moved a feather the whole time.

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Bump for a fun guild!

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It time to make some preparations for our Flashbang Exports monthly guild meeting! I’ve nominated two goblins for the Employee of the Month award: Veznex and Draxula…both of these hardworking goblins require praise and a payrise. We’ll see who gets the most votes! Also, there’s talk of forming a worker’s union. Will Walkan get his way, or will Gavoz beat him down, quite literally with his fists?! Here’s an action shot of last week and our event poster:
https://i.imgur.com/VsRuz7v.png
https://i.imgur.com/gFvnCX0.png

At the same time as our monthly guild meeting, I usually revisit the company guild structure. Cos ya’know, what’s a goblin guild without ranks to pull weight when one of the underpaid dishscrubbers starts getting lippy? Congratulations to Thelldrix and Daxx who have earned promotions to Executive status. We also welcome newcomers Usaagi and Rixa, who have toiled and labored and scored themselves a sweet Supervisor’s role! The upper echelons of leadership are generally exclusive to folks who play goblins as their mains. But if you prefer a more part-time position, we have employment opportunities in the factory, or even as a semi-skilled technician! You can check out our very organised and up-to-date chain of command here:
https://i.imgur.com/pyAwBlj.png

What else is news?

  • So far we have yet to receive any suspicious packages from Gnomeregan. It looks like the gnomes were all talk and no rockets. Pfft.
    (However, I am interested in any gnomes on Alliance side that would be interested in some spontaneous light-hearted RP. Nothing too serious, or it loses the fun factor.)

  • Daxx and Opfuz have been joined by Walkan to scope out some of the towers of Torghast! Slowly but surely accumulating some of these sweet moolah, also known as soul ash.

  • We are counting down the weeks for our first dip into Shadowlands normal raiding, all-goblin style! Our folks have been working away to try and acquire some new bling (otherwise known as fancy gear).

  • Finally, we are doing a big effort to try and obtain a RAID GUILD ACHIEVEMENT called the Glory of the Draenor Raider. We need 20 x Flashbang goblins online at the same time (and 40+ level). It’s a mission, but we’re going to give it a try, and we could use your help!! Event poster here:
    https://i.imgur.com/XZ5Sm5u.png

That’s it from Flashbang Fresh and Fiesty news! Sign up with the crew today on discord or guild finder to improve your WoW experience! https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

Cheers,
-Fly

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Flywheel looked at the crumpled piece of tatty paper that had just been delivered to her by Billy Boomballs - a notorious two-faced merchant that double-crossed Jastor Gallywix to sell armaments to the Iron Horde.

“So what ya sayin’, pal, is that all this time…my good buddy Scheki Shorthook had ulterior motives?! Undercut ya, did she? Hah! Now ya sellin’ her out. Ya no better than those Snivelling Swindlers ya call employees. Look at this face. This is what I call my surprised face. 'Cos I honestly expected more. Not of you, ya idiot, of Scheki. Like a dagger between my shoulder blades!”

Billy Boomballs smirked a little at this. His stubbly face had not seen a bathroom in a couple of weeks, and the stains on his clothing reeked of fish oil and spilled gasoline. Still, Flywheel considered this lecherous goblin to be a good source of intel - provided she was paying him the most. A merchant goblin could never be quite sure that was the case.

“Take this, ya lil’ weasal,” Flywheel quipped in her gruffest tone, trying to ignore the churning of her insides. She tossed a bulging coin pouch in his direction, which Billy caught with a sly grin. “That oughta pay for your losses on the Black Market and then some. If ya hear anything else that might be of interest to Flashbang Exports, you keep banging on my door. I don’t care what time of day it is.”

Billy Boomballs slipped the coin pouch into his baggy trousers and took a fleeting glance around the room. Flywheel couldn’t help but wonder if he was scouting for valuables. After having to cook the company goose, for not being an actual goose, but rather, a cleverly disguised gnomish voice recorder, Flywheel was seriously considering upgrading security protocols.

“And that nightbourne, Lothaux, the one with the stutter, that was doing work for me in the archival workshop?” Flywheel had already guessed the answer, but it was better to hear it from some other chump.

“They were in it together. What’d ya expect? Seriously, I’m surprised ya let one of 'em tall folk do gobbo work. Ya got sold out, Flywheel. Better write it into ya accounts, princess. Now, about that other contract, the one for the human that went missing…”

Flywheel addressed the shuckster with a glowering expression. “Yeah, what of it?”

“That trail has gone stale, honey. We traced the logbooks, but the entries say the prisoner was a wayward child of the Falconcrest family; a Syndicate spy. They never heard of no one by the name of Ertistans.”

“That’s a shame. The tauren hawks couldn’t trace him either. Guess we just gonna have to let the Shadowlands claim that one. Wretched turncoat. Knew I couldn’t trust him to keep our operation under wraps.” Flywheel barely finished her sentence before becoming distracted. She was still picking a chunk of clam meat out of her teeth when she realised that Billy Boomballs was still hovering about, spreading his stink everywhere.

“Oh, get outta here would ya?” She paused. “Oh, fine! Take my gold ceramic vase. I dunno where it came from anyway. It’s probably booby-trapped like the goose!”

As the seedy goblin quickly slipped out of Flywheel’s office, the Head Executive of Flashbang Exports opened a drawer that contained a large, red leatherbound ledger. She crossed off the names “Scheki” and “Lothaux” with a frown, then turned the page. A page of new names had recently been written in, including “Coffindodger”, “Kiwi”, “Gaguzz”, and “Tikklazz”.

“I’ll start 'em low,” Flywheel decided. “Work 'em in the factory and get their muscles aching. A gob’s gotta suffer a bit of hardship to know their place. A couple of detonation drills oughta keep 'em on their toes, heh. Eh, can’t win 'em all. But business goes on! Now, we’d I leave my tequila?”

(If you would like a taste of goblin RP, please consider joining Flashbang Exports! Find us on guild finder, or join our discord: https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg )

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Hey, hey Moonguard. It’s your ole pal, Eddy Potlatch here, wishing you and yours a very profitable Winter Veil. I know Gobfather Winter treated me well, leaving all sorts of goodies in my bank account, and I’m sure other members of Flashbang Exports fared just as well. Bribes work, remember. Hehehe

While we’re on the subject of Flashbang Exports, the new/old boss gave me a promotion to Recruiting Manager. Which means I have to get off my keester and get to work, regardless of the season. So, what’s a good Winter Veil without a large load of advertising?

WE’RE RECRUITING!!!

You got that right, pal. If you’re a goblin, we want YOUR Boomtastic self locating your profits within our banks. Er, RANKS. That’s what I meant. Hehehe

You like to RP? Gotcha covered. PVE? No problem! Whatabout that dreaded and scary word, PVP? Got that too!

So, sign up today and join the hottest group of Goblins ever to walk Azeroth. You won’t regret it! And when you sign up, tell em Eddy P. sent ya.

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FLASHBANG EXPORTS NEWS UPDATE!

Are you wondering what Flashbang Exports has been up to lately? Well, you may have noticed that I have appointed Eddy Potlatch as our Manager of Recruitment!(Yes, all of our guild ranks have fancy titles.) If you’ve seen his ads in various threads and posters plastered on your favourite coffee table, then you’ll know who I’m talking about.

So in case any of you were wondering, no, Potlatch is not me and while I generally support everything he says and does (because he’s a great guy and an amazing salesman), if you sign any of our contracts there is fine print down the bottom that negates anyone that might file law suits against us!

Flashbang Exports also recently completed the Glory of the Draenor Raider guild achievement! We did this by completing all of the mythic raids of Draenor with a group of 16+ people (all goblin members of our guild). We have now unlocked the Blacksteel Battleboar, which you can buy from the guild vendor for 4,300g as long as you have exalted reputation. Time to shoo the moths out of your wallet! And c’mon, who doesn’t love hanging out with goblins?

We’re now sitting at 2,595 guild achievement points, so if you’re looking for a guild to get a specific crafting recipe, heirloom, pet, or mount, we can probably help you out! We haven’t done all the Legion mythic raids yet, but I plan to attack these the same time next year (when we’re all a little bit more powerful).

I admit, I’ve been busy with RL celebrating and haven’t made it to the Flashbang Tavern Night event for the last couple of weeks. Instead, the casual hang out has been hosted by our lovely Banxizia Mecharrow (Manager of Rockets and Zeppelins). Thank you so much for covering my butt!! :green_heart:. Brace yourselves though, because I am back in action this week, and no one in the tavern will be safe from my shoddy attempts to mend wounds and cure people’s non-existent problems.

Like everyone, our goblins have been very busy exploring all the new Shadowlands content and gearing up at our own pace. Having gotten through most of the Heroic dungeons, we’re now moving into Mythic+ and already have guild runs of Mythic 2 Necrotic Wake and Mythic 0 Halls of Atonement under our belts. We might not be the fastest at getting through content, but we do like to celebrate our success!

We are shaping up well to start normal raiding on Friday January 8th (10pm-12am server time). We only raid two hours per week and would definitely be regarded as a casual team. We’re there for fun, giggles, and team work, and hopefully get a few bosses down in the process! (Note: if you’re a hardcore raider, this probably isn’t the team for you). We like making silly jokes in voice chat and we never call people out. Currently our recommended ilevel for normal raids is 180, but if you’re around 170ish, that’ll still be fine. The main condition is that you have to be a goblin! We still have room for healers and DPS if anyone would like to sign up (just send me a discord message on Flywheel#4087 and I’ll walk you through the process).

We will have more RP events coming up over the next few months and we welcome people from outside of the guild to come along and enjoy some goblin shennanigans. We have a survey going around to decide what kind of event we want to do next (because let’s face it, goblins have all sorts of wacky ideas).

Please remember we are a light-hearted, family-friendly guild suitable for all ages. If you’re looking for fun, laughter, and a little bit of relaxed game content, then look us up on Guild Finder or join our discord below:
https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

Cheers,
Flywheel (the REAL one)

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Blight bombs are still on the table.

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LIES AND SLANDER!

We are all Flywheel.

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Hi yes, this is where the signup for the Cult of Flywheel is located?

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Er…yes! Um, just donate your life savings into the box on your right and don one of these white and gold robes. We’d give you some bread and water, but we just ran out. All you get is crumbs.

The sermon on ‘the amazingness of goblin inventions’ will be starting in 15 minutes. Just take a seat on one of those pews. Oh, no not that one with the exploding rocket underneath it! See, we were just planning to do renovations, you know…to open up the ceiling and let some fresh air in.

No, it has nothing to do with those noxious gases coming from the back room, I swear!

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Hey, hey Goblins of Moonguard (or other realms interested in boomtastic good times).

It’s your ole pal Eddy P here, offerin’ up a bit of Gobtastic good news: it’s one week until guild meetin’ night! That’s right, Gob fans. It’s the PERFECT night ta join the famous and fabulous Flashbang Exports. Everyone’ll be there, including yours truly, ready to welcome you into the company.

leans closer and whispers And just so you know, the bigger the bribe, the larger the welcome! nods knowingly

Anyways. You’ll hear from the supervisors, the managers, even the big boss herself. And if that’s not enough for yaz, we even have an employee of the month award. Big gold, big prizes, da werks. So Saturday, Jan. 9th, head out to Fuselight in the Badlands, look for the building with the big spyscope, and be there no later than 8pm sharp. We’ll have contracts and bankers ready for your deposit!

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I heartily endorse this development.

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Eddy Potlatch has been such an amazing job, he’s been given a promotion to Supervisor. That means he even gets paid holidays (including a free ticket to Krazzworks to ride the pony floaties!).

Our local gal Banxizia Mecharrow has talked old mate Takona into hosting the Flashbang Tavern Night on a more regular basis (that’s Saturdays 8-9pm at the Wyvern’s Tail) .

Twistah has offered to run a through old Legion raids to gather transmog sets and I reckon newly appointed Executive Walkan is gonna have to honor his wager to help on that one (if he won the promotion - which he did). In case you haven’t met this esteemed individual, Walkan’s Words of Wisdom is now available in hardcover and is selling in bookstores all over Azeroth for only 599 gold!

Flashbang Exports has a new Goblin Lore Expedition coming up, which you can read about here:
https://us.forums.blizzard.com/en/wow/t/h-rp-goblin-lore-expeditions/13799/49

We have the Flashbang (IC) guild meeting this Saturday 9-10:30pm (CST) at the building with the telescope in Fuselight, Badlands PLUS all-goblin Normal raid for Castle Nathria starting this Friday 8th Jan from 10pm-12am (CST)!

If you would like to join up to our all-goblin RP/PvE guild, you can find us on Guild Finder (in game) or sign up to our discord here:
https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

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