[Goblin H-RP] <Flashbang Exports> Boomtastic!

The moment Boss Flywheel strode into the kitchen, Catchpenny was stuffing her face with tasty cupcakes. As Chef, she had to be the official “taste tester” after all. Chunks of cupcake flew out of her mouth at seeing her boss.

“Not since the last meeting Boss when I offered him a taste of my Kul Tiramisu. Surprised the Orc hasn’t answered the goblin radio yet. Wasn’t he trainin that new guy who thinks himself a captain?”

Catchpenny opens her compact mirror to check for any food that might have gotten stuck in between her pointy teeth.

With an escapee wandering the halls, the kitchen, Penny’s Kitchen, she needed around the clock security. Giving a high pitch clicking noise, her “pet” Silithid dashed into the kitchen. Ordering the insect to stay in front of the kitchen letting no one in.

Turning back to the stove, Catchpenny spooned up more noodles, placed them in a bowl for Mekgrim, Potlach, and now her Boss. Things around here just got hotter and it wasn’t the extra fire oil she put in the noodles either.

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A decorative fishbone? Eddy frowned at his hat feather. What did Boss Mahoney know about fashion anyway? He plucked the bone from the purple plume and flicked it into the corner, narrowly missing a pot of bubbling noodles.

A high-pitched clicking noise turned his attention toward the door. A slithid. Eddy shuddered. Bugs said the most horrid things, especially those like Penny’s companion. How could she ignore the images of world domination? Maybe hers didn’t speak? He shrugged and offered a wide grin and thanks for the bowl of noodles.

“So, did yous guys have nightmares 'bout bein a Gnome?” He shoveled the noddles into his mouth and slurped up the loose, dangling ends. That was the best part.

Fire! Eddy’s eyes widened, his mouth fell open. FIRE! WATER; NOW!

His chair tumbled as he dove for a pitcher of water. One decorated with pineapples, of course. He guzzled , water drizzled down his chin, his glare found Penny.

“What the fel did you put in this?”

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“Thanks Penny.” Mekgrim begins using his hands to feed himself. With a mouthful he leans toward Catchpenny, swallows, and whispers, “shhhh, I don’t know where you heard about them or that… item, but it’s on the down low.” He rocks his head back, angled over his shoulder towards where Flywheel is sitting, and winks at Catchpenny. This is indicative that the boss nor the others are in the loop.

Suddenly their dialogue is disrupted by a sudden scream of Fire and Water, and then a crash as Potlatch grabs a pitcher.

Mekgrim turns in the direction of the noise, “Potlatch!” He begins laughing, “That’s not fire water you mook. That’s just water. The fire water is kept behind the bar.”

Returning to his plate, he acts as if he’s eating. Head looking down, he peers straight up at Catchpenny. Quietly he begins whispering again, “You know too much.” Instinctively grabbing the knife next to his bowl and dragging it along the table, “There’s only one thing to do.” He lays the knife back down. “I’ll have to bring you in on it.”

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“Yeah?” Eddy leaned against the counter, breathing hard after finishing the pitcher of water. He turned toward Mekgrim “You get promoted to bartender, pal?”

His mouth sizzled. It was as if the hot spices were part of his tongue. What sort of monster puts lava in noodles? His gaze once again found the Slithid. Bet the bug told her to do it. He nodded. Yeah, dats it. Hateful things.

“Anyways. What gives with the Gnomes?”

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“Gnomes. Thought it was just me,” Mekgrim let’s out a sigh of relief.

Nodding ecstatically, “Catchpenny’s been spiking the food again. If ya ask me, she should get with her dealer.” He gives Catchpenny a sly look and wink, “I think they’re lacing it.”

Looking back over his shoulder, “So Flywheel, what’s up with that ragged goblin you hired? I thought we had a dress code for the peons .”

With a mouthful of food he continues speaking, spitting particles of food as juices drip from the corners of his mouth, along his pointy chin, and finally resting in a puddle as they fall to the table. “So what’s his deal, and what did you send that poor sap off to do? Got him handling the dry cleaning again?”

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(I posted to the Gnome page: [A-RP] <Gnomeregan Far Fielder> - #23 by Potlatch-moon-guard))

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Eddy, his mouth somewhat cooler than earlier, suddenly realized the conversation was now about a poorly-dressed peon doing dry-cleaning. Meh. Sure, the Gnomes were trying to take over the world. He’d seen them obliterate a horde outpost with some sort of electro-tech that had nothing to do with dancing. Bombs. Eddy liked bombs, but he liked living more. Report his findings. That’s why he came back.

He cocked his head. Fly had a new hairdo. “Say, Boss. When-ja start wearing hair gel? I like dose little globs at the ends of ya bangs. Stylish an sticky. Might start a trend.”

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Catchpenny slowly puts her left hand down to her side and gives the Silithid the hand signal for “come to me and stay”. Controlling her breathing so as not to give anything away, her other hand reaches under the counter for one of the many weapons she keeps hidden.

Seeing there is no immediate danger after several tense minutes, she gives another signal of the “all clear” and the insect clicked as it went back to its original post.

“My shipment of Lightening Eels hasn’t arrived yet. Think I’ll contact my supplier and see what the hold up is.” Getting out a pen and pad of paper, she starts to write a letter, folds it and places it in an envelope.

“I’ll be in the kitchen most of the day. Mekgrim, if ya done with those noodles, mind tossin this in the mailbox?” Catchpenny slides the envelope over to Mekgrim and flashes one of her grins.

Flywheel had been daydreaming…well, day-nightmaring really. Remnants of that Haunted Herring must have still been lurking about in her system. She couldn’t get the image of that horrible man with the chemical reek and the bloodshot eyes out of her head. There was something that she should have been picking up on, but just couldn’t put her finger on it. The scene replayed over in her mind’s eye, right up to the part where she got splashed with the spilled soda…

Flywheel was indeed getting sprayed, but in fact it was flying soap-suds from an over-enthusiastic dishwasher working next to Catchpenny at the bench. She remembered that she was in the kitchen, but her mind was having trouble focussing on why she’d come here in the first place. To top it off, Mekgrim and Potlatch were staring at her as though they expected a witty, awe-inspiring answer to the world’s worst problems. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been listening to their questions at all.

“There’s a gnome head in the freezer, decorated with rainbow sprinkles and raspberry frosting!” Flywheel blurted out triumphantly and somewhat randomly. Seeing their confused expressions, she once again attempted to improvise. “It was …uh, a special treat. For Penny’s birthday!” Grinning wickedly and looking quite pleased with herself, Flywheel suddenly rose out of her seat.

“No time to dally! I wish I could celebrate with ya’ll, but these accounts don’t write themselves. Who else is gonna make us a profit if I don’t find ways to cut corners?!” Flywheel shook her head as she gathered herself for an impressive exit, spraying Potlatch with the droplets he had only moments ago been admiring. She slapped Mekgrim on the back as she took a few steps towards the door. Well, it was meant to be a hard whack, but to Mekgrim, it would have felt more like someone stroking him with a floppy cushion.

“Remember, gobbos! The only things worth doing are those that bring in the big bucks. Now when we’re done with our snacks here, we need to start thinking of ways to obtain more Azerite ore. That stuff is hot property! I think we need to build a railroad in Drustvar, from Arom’s Stand to Anyport. The hills could be a problem, but one easily solved with a tunnel excavation…and lots of explosives!”

Leaving the crew to finish stuffing their faces with noodles, Flywheel marched out of the room, heading back to her office. ‘A busy goblin, is a happy goblin’, she commended herself, as she sat down at her desk and buried her nose in a pile of papers.

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The Goblin male from earlier had the look of someone who hadn’t seen better days prior. Not only was he now more or less washed up and clean, he was wearing a fresh uniform issued from the quartermaster and it even had a name tag that read, “Borath.” There wasn’t much a shower and the quartermaster could do for his smell or his lack of hair, though, but he really didn’t have the room to complain considering. He was even supposed to reap his first paycheck tomorrow.

Despite all of Borath’s unexpectedly good fortune, his face was shadowed with a look of abject dread. He’d left the office early today, and fate had found him wandering the back roads and alleys for the better part of the last hour. Although he hadn’t been here but once before, the path he followed was seared into his memory purely by virtue of the adrenaline he had felt at the time. He was certain that, this far away from the main roads, guards probably wouldn’t arrive in time to help him if something went wrong.

All told, Borath was all too aware of his present situation since he’d eked out a meager living on the streets after his injury and discharge during the war. He’d made ends meet through whatever means he could find, and he found solace through the bottom of a liquor barrel or in a pouch of powder if he could afford it. That’s why he eventually decided to take on the more dangerous lines of work, and didn’t have many reservations against doing so. This time, however, was different. He wasn’t certain he could go through with it, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure what other choice he had. He’d already made the deal.

Finally, he arrived at the far end of a narrow alley. The drainage here wasn’t sufficient, so water accumulated in muddy puddles throughout the area. The wooden siding of the adjacent shacks was rotting, and dead vines clung desperately to the sides of them in a vain struggle to reach sunlight above. This had been where it had all begun for him.

Borath let out a breath and then recited aloud from memory: “We really should have an occupational health and safety council!"

“It took you long enough,” came the voice of a woman nearby.

If Borath squinted, he could just barely make out someone concealed in the shadows, but he couldn’t tell much more than that. The only thing he could observe was the scraping noise of someone who had been idly trying to sharpen a knife. “S-sorry,” he stammered.

The woman’s voice gave a dismissive grunt. “If you’d taken much longer, I’d have come to find you. Now then, what’ve you got?”

“Well…” Borath volunteered, rooting around in a new pack at his side. He pulled out a thick and bulky manual with pristine lettering on the front: The Flashbang New Employee Handbook: Your Guide to Lookin’ Busy. He set the book down on a rickety old table that had probably been a support structure at one time. It was halfway between himself and the voice, and then he backed away with a gulp.

A leather-gloved hand came out of the shadows to pull the book within, and after a short pause, the woman’s voice rang clear with displeasure. “What’s this tripe? I wanted intelligence- warehouses, operations. This tells me almost nothing.”

“I need more time!” he appealed in vain.

The woman’s voice gave a grunt. “You’ve got a week. If you want to get paid like we agreed, then you’ll have what I want by then. What’s the saying? Time is money?”

“Y-yeah…” Borath trailed off, looking down. If he was honest, he was starting to hate this more and more as time went on. He halfway played with the idea of just running away, but somehow… that didn’t seem like an option. He looked up to ask a question, and it died on his lips. “…hello?”

Nothing.

He let out a sigh. She was already gone. A wave of relief washed over him momentarily at the fact that this meeting had gone so much more smoothly than the last one. He’d feared for his life before, but this time, it almost seemed like casual business. Something about that, though, made his stomach turn over. He’d been in this line of work enough on the streets to know not to ask unnecessary questions, but the cold pit in his gut was screaming at him all the same.

With nothing more to show for it, Borath turned and left the way he’d come, with only the noise of his feet hitting the mud puddles to keep him company.

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"To Henry Stern,

I received a tip that you were taken by the pig men in Razorfen Downs only to find you were not there. Were you put on a spit and eaten? Escaped and returned to Stormwind?

You could have at least left your recipe for Goldthorn Tea hidden under the straw. Now my recipe book will have an empty page where your tea should be.

I have left this letter in the second pen should anyone find it and know what might have happened to you.

Chef Catchpenny

c/o Flashbang Exports"

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A lone figure skulked in the shadows as Borath exited the Flashbang Exports headquarters in Fuselight, Badlands. A true professional of her trade, Agent Zezlik Twofingers was careful to leave a suitably timely gap before following the heels of the newly employed goblin. The trail led to a twisted back alley. It was meat and vegetables territory for the rogue; here, Zezlik was in her element. The muddy puddles glistened like silver as she slipped behind a refuse bin to eavesdrop on a conversation that was taking place at the far end of the alleyway.

Zezlik’s hearing was good, despite several near-miss land mine explosions. But she was no Plaguelands bat. To compensate, she sent a robotic fly with a microphone attached to it, to hang about on the wall while Borath met with his mysterious ‘contact’. She got the gadget up and running just in time to catch the gist of the conversation. The rogue grinned to herself. Now this was juicy.

As Borath began to exit the alleyway, Zezlik quickly recalled the fly and with fluid movements, she stepped out to block the goblin’s path. Zezlik was short, even by goblin standards. Her body was wiry and thin, and her skin was wrinkled and splotchy possible indicators of someone who had been inhaling too many toxic substances. A black eyepatch covered her right eye, and she wore a suit of leather that looked as though it had been fashioned from a herd of different animals.

“Eh, pal,” Zezlik grunted, in a moderately friendly tone, “this city has eyes and ears, and I couldn’t help but notice ya plottin’ against the big boss, Flywheel Mahoney.” Her smirk revealed that this information did not perturb Zezlik in the least; she was merely awaiting confirmation.

Talking swiftly with a voice that rattled like gravel, Zezlik continued on, “Ya not the only one, pal. We got big plans to take down this Flashbang Exports business ourselves. They been encroachin’ on our turf, eatin’ our profits, stealin’ our- …well, ya get the drift.” The rogue spat on the ground in disgust, before eyeing Borath shrewdly.

“The problem is, they be gettin’ so big now, it’s gettin’ harder to keep tabs on 'em all. She pays ‘em meagre earnings, but for some reason they keep flockin’ to that damned green banner. I reckon they all be dazzled by 'em fireworks. Point is, pal, there’s a good stash in that headquarters that could go to better use, and I’m not the only one who’s clued into this.”

Zezlik checked over her shoulder. She hadn’t meant to talk for long. Suddenly feeling on edge, she decided to wrap up her little introduction quickly.

“Look, ya can do this on ya own, and likely get killed by Mekgrim, Gavoz, or one of 'em brutes, or ya can team up with the professionals. If ya haven’t heard of The Venture Trading Company, then ya had ya head down a hole ya whole life. Ditch ya shady lady and come work for us. Or juggle both. It’s not my neck, pal. Just don’t step on our toes, eh? Or I got a dagger with a special embalming fluid, just for ya.” To emphasize her point, Zezlik drew a sharp metal dagger across her tongue, making a squelshing sound. She did it with such a flourish, one might guess it was her signature move.

“Here’s my card. I’ll see ya round, pal,” Zezlik finished, as she faded into the shadows like a bad smell.

The business card was small and neat. On the front was an icon of a dripping blob of black oil, and some lettering, which read:

Agent Zezlik Twofingers
Poisons Specialist
Oilstrip Cartel

On the flipside was some kind of advertizement, for 'Ziggler’s Zeppelins" and a small map to Schnottz Landing in Uldum. Whether or not this had any relevance, was unclear.

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Borath’s heart about jumped out of his chest as he skidded to a halt. He held up his hands before himself defensively, and tried vainly to deny the accusation. “I d-don’t…” he started, but then the words died on his lips. Was there any point to denying it? What’s more was that he’d somehow gotten lucky and it wasn’t a player for either of the current sides… no, it was something worse: a third party trying to make a play on the field.

In the end, he was left holding a business card and more questions than he had answers. Now instead of having to choose between a crazy lady and a decent wage, he was having to choose between a crazy lady, a decent wage that apparently was unstable and prone to collapse, and a psychopathic assassin with a fixation on licking knives. What kind of heart of darkness had he managed to blunder himself into? And moreover, which side had the least chance of him ending up face-down in the mud on some nameless street?

He let out a sigh. “Aw, damnit.”

Suddenly, the thought occurred that a forth party might intervene before long if he took his time traveling back. Not wanting to further complicate an already complicated life, he picked up the pace and began running back to the Flashbang headquarters.

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OOC:

If anyone is thinking about rolling a goblin, we are currently short on melee DPS for our all-goblin normal raid team which runs Fridays 10pm-12am server time (CST). We are currently 4/9 BoD, and have cleared Uldir.

These are the available goblin melee DPS classes:
Warrior: Fury, Arms
Death Knight: Frost, Unholy
Rogue: Assassination, Outlaw, Subtlety
Shaman: Enhancement
Hunter: Survival

Also, we are excited about the possibility of vulpera being introduced into the Horde! At this stage we will not be allowing vulpera to join our main guild (to preserve our pure-goblin theme), however, we ARE welcoming vulpera into our sister guild, Flashbang Associates.

If this is something that would be of interest to you, (or you just want to talk about goblin stuff), please join our discord:

https://discord.gg/hDy8Ktg

Tavern role play tonight. Hopefully I’ll get to me some of our new members tonight in character! Norble and Smokeblade!

8.2 drops tomorrow. One patch closer to updated goblin models and our heritage armor!!!

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My best wishes and love goes out to Flyhweel, Mekgrim and the rest of the lovely goblins of Flashbang exports. Tomorrow 8.2 comes and ya know what that means? Us goblins gotta head out to Mechagon for potential business opporunties and…

Expanded lore on Gilblins too. I am always down for more expanded goblin lore. Excited to see what they roll out for this.

I also think it is going to be awesome to see what heritage armor they roll out as well as model updates.

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Our goblins have been running amok in Nazjatar and Mechagon, snapping up those sweet deals. There has never been a better time to grab a cheap pair of robotic appendages! So maybe they didn’t QUITE reach EVERY safety standard, but our additional features are better than the gnomish gadgets in every way!

Perfect for getting out of tight situations you didn’t mean to get into. achem

So anyhow, if you’re all looking for something a bit different, how about life from from a different perspective? Being a goblin has all sorts of perks, such as not have to bend down to retrieve treasures out of tight nooks and crannys! No chance of banging your head on doorways!

Contact Flywheel or any of our amazing supervisors if this sounds like your piece of pie.

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Of course we can’t allow those pesky gnomes to get the uppity on us. We must make me sure they know who the are real engineering geniuses in wow(if not at least business geniuses). All those gadgets laying area Gadgetzan. Sounds like a goldmine if you ask me. Especially since word has been discovered that one of these gnomes discovered the secret to immortality.

Hm. The same geniuses that couldn’t figure out how to evacuate a doomed island without resorting to failed bribery leading to enslavement?
:rofl:

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