Gazebo Story

Not mine. From a long time ago.

Ed: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?

Ed: [pause] It’s white, Eric.

Eric: How far away is it?

Ed: About 50 yards.

Eric: How big is it?

Ed: [pause] It’s about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.

Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it.

Ed: It’s not good, Eric. It’s a gazebo.

Eric: [pause] I call out to it.

Ed: It won’t answer. It’s a gazebo.

Eric: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

Ed: No, Eric, it’s a gazebo!

Eric: I shoot it with my bow. [roll to hit] What happened?

Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

Eric: [pause] Wasn’t it wounded?

Ed: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT’S A GAZEBO!

Eric: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!

Ed: It’s a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don’t know why anybody would even try. It’s a @#$%!! gazebo!

Eric: [long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.

Ed: [thoroughly frustrated] It’s too late. You’ve awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.

Eric: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I’ll roll up a fireusing mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

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Pertubed? Befuddled? Why didn’t he try to seduce it?

Clearly he didn’t roll perception

Eric shouldn’t have made wisdom his dump stat.

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Nothing derails an extremely cautious party more than a insignificant object in the middle of an empty room or in the middle of nowhere.

“Yeah but why is the vase there? What is it made of? Why is it on the floor? What could this mean? Why color is the vase? Is there painting on the vase? What’s inside the vase? Is the vase in the dead center of the room, and if so why? How tall is the vase? Does the vase have a handle?”

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Ahh. A classic.

There’s also one called “The carrying capacity of an Elven backside: a moral tale” you might enjoy OP.

I’ve never heard about that one–how does it go?

It involves an elf and an inappropriately placed bag of holding.

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I had a DM who had heard about the gazebo story and put a murderous sentient gazebo in one of his campaigns.