Declaration: Tentacles and Evil

Emerald Dream
1

A HOLY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM THE SACRED SERVANT Turun I
TO THE PEOPLES OF THE LORD TACT’S HOLY LANDS
CONCERNING Tentacular Modes of Transportation

Greetings blood-children of the Lord Tact,

In the middle of November, I was walking through the back alleys of Storwmind, as legitimate religious figures often do. A nice man in a trench coat offered me samples of a strange-smelling flower, which I readily accepted: the Lord Tact is present in all things, including strange-smelling flowers. He told me to eat the flower, and it would send me on a trip. He refused to tell me where I might end up, but I trusted that the Lord Tact would stand by my side, no matter where in the world I went.

And so, I ate the flower. For one month, I have slept. The flower was very strong, and it gave me holy visions during my slumber. I saw visions of the ancient gods. The silhouettes of the Original New Azerothian Pantheon, and those that came after them. They brushed their fingers against my tender blond beard, and whispered madness to me. But, being the Grand Hierarch of the Church of Tact, and the only living being/being with known whereabouts to have witnessed the ascension of the Lord Tact, I was easily able to understand them!

Ninetoes, the Paragon of Ambulatory Methods, spoke to me of a strange phenomenon invading Azeroth. No longer did the people traverse the world on two legs, four legs, or even six! In fact, they had stopped using legs at all! Beloved of the Lord Tact, I have had a vision of a strange octopus-like creature crawling and bouncing through the streets of our cities.

In the past, such creatures would be slain as agents of the Old Gods. But apparently, many are okay with creatures that likely come from an insidious alternate dimension walking among them. But I implore you, blood-children, would you want little Timmy and Martha to be subjected to such eldritch horrors walking past them on the way to Church, infecting their mind with poisonous insanity?

I asked little Timmy and Martha, blood-children, and they said they were fine with such a creature! Clearly, they had become infected and needed to be cleaned by the Lord Tact. Luckily, the Sacred Cleansing Font of Tact was nearby: a symbolic throne made of porcelain would be the instrument of deliverance to save the souls of these poor children.

The sturdy iron bars with a locking gate opposite the Cleansing Font also came in handy. Without them, we never could have completed the ritual of cleansing. Javier Lemonte, Architect (among other things) of Tact, told me that they were “unnecessary” and “off-putting,” but clearly the Lord Tact was with me when I decided to have them installed!

Think of little Timmy and Martha, blood-children. Do not poison your minds with tentacle creatures, no matter how fast they allow you to strut across the public square in Boralus and Dazar’alor! Think twice before using the hive mind.

Hail Tact!

  • Grand Hierarch Turun I
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2

Strange dreams haunt me

I must see where they call me

Cannot resist…

We are…Borg!

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3

This reeks of Troll Voodoo. Surely so many tentacles can be employed for nefarious purposes, such as producing vast quantities of mojo.

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The Lord Tact approves of mojo, insofar as it glorifies his Will. Seven years ago, at the height of Tactarian power, there was a troll Blood Priestess of the Lord Tact. Blood Priestess Jemmali was a dedicated servant of Aitana, the Bovine Goddess of Nostrils.

Jemmali’s mojo was acceptable to the Lord Tact. The mojo of other trolls: it is doubtful. Many of them worship the dead gods known as the loa, which the Lord Tact cannot abide. Thus, their mojo is tainted, and should not be drank or used to clean your toilet or tile floors (as mojo is usually employed for, I believe).

Only holy mojo is fit to cleanse your toilet of disgusting chemicals and bodily fluids!

Hail Tact!

5

Is a tentacle still evil if it hangs from the face of a lightforged draenei paladin?

6

According to the sacred tradition of the Church of Tact, the only part of draenei known to be evil are their tails. This is taught in the Declaration on Marshmallows and Heresy: “The second revelation is revelation concerning the rear ends of draenei. It was unveiled by the Goddess Diliam that the rear ends of draenei are unsightly, unsaintly, and an offense to the Lord Tact. All draenei faithful of the Church of Tact are hereby ordered by my sacred authority to acquire new rear ends of non-draenei make.”

While the Aspect of Revelation is no longer bound to Diliam, the faithful of the Church have received no further information on which dangling draenei body parts are considered to be heretical. Thus, it is the practice of the Church of Tact to continue to follow the commandments we have received.

It is possible, that in the future, the Lord Tact reveals to us through the Aspect of Revelation that draenei are allowed to keep their rear ends, or indeed that their facial appendages will also become prehensile vessels of evil.

Until such a time, we can only make due with the sacred knowledge that we have.

Hail Tact!