A DECLARATION FROM THE SACRED SERVANT Turun I
TO THE PEOPLES OF THE LORD TACT'S HOLY LANDS CONCERNING
Heretical Turnips and Other Insidious Vegetables
Greetings blood-children!
I spoke in Stormwind today, and the Anti-Tact assaulted me in full force. The people would not hear the Truth of the Lord Tact, nor partake of my sacred blood! Instead, they pelted me with turnips. One insidious mastermind was at the center of this turnip-throwing: Asiimov.
The situation is clear: Asiimov can only be a heathen god sent by the Anti-Tact to slow my efforts at proselytizing the Truth of the Lord Tact. He seems to be a god of infinite turnips, and likely has dark powers over other vegetables as well. His mere presence drives men into a frenzy! He can grow turnips on the cobblestone streets of Stormwind! I have seen it all with my own eyes!
Blood-children, I believe this may be the start of a dark pantheon to mirror the More Recently Revised Azerothian Pantheon. The corrupting essence left behind Hinik the Undersweeper lingers on, and it has infested the turnips of Azeroth. These turnips, in turn, have coalesced into Asiimov, a manifestation of their vegetable hatred.
I must command the faithful of the Church of Tact to pelt Asiimov with things where ever he goes! Let him know that the Lord Tact will not stand for heretical vegetables! I must say, though, do not throw vegetables (especially turnips) at him. His powers are too great. Instead, throw snowballs or other chemicals at him. He does not have power over these domains... At least not yet. The Scientists of Tact are still performing experiments to determine exactly what is good to throw at him.
Consider the snowballs to be provisional advice. A Public Service Announcement of Tact may be released later confirming or denying the efficacy of snowball tossing in combating this dark curse upon the vegetables of Azeroth.
Hail Tact!
Grand Hierarch Turun I
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I have served the Firelord in my life, no longer...but you humans come up with too many gods!
JAKE??
11/04/2018 02:49 PMPosted by DemonlationJAKE??
No, Tact! The Lord Tact commands you: beware the turnips.
Do this for your salvation.
Hail Tact!
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11/05/2018 07:57 PMPosted by XeerHail Tact!
It should also be noted that the presence of Xeer, God of Beer, was felt during this persecution. One of the hecklers placed a keg of beer upon my auxiliary preaching box (I had been heckled from my primary preaching box).
The keg suddenly started spouting the golden beverage! Onlookers said I was peeing myself, but I knew in my heart that it was Xeer's silky beard reaching through the darkness and tickling my body, telling me that safety would come in the end.
The warmth dripping down my thighs was merely the warmth of the Lord Tact embracing me, protecting me from the darkness.
Or maybe it was blood from the sacred wounds I inflicted upon myself. Who knows?
Hail Tact!
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Turnip's go rather well with Gnome stew...as does roasted Goblin, seasoned Night Elf ears, and pompous priests pontificating posts pouting painful points pertaining to turnip tossing!
11/06/2018 08:27 PMPosted by LoknalTurnip's go rather well with Gnome stew...as does roasted Goblin, seasoned Night Elf ears,
Once upon a time, the Lord Tact maintained a God of Steaks in his holy Pantheon. It could be argued that Samison the Flavorful also had indirect power over all heated foods. He was not especially known for cannibalistic tendencies, but the Church of Tact does endorse this holy act insofar as it furthers the commandments of the Aspect of Blood.
and pompous priests pontificating posts pouting painful points pertaining to turnip tossing!
Abhorrent alliterations are an offense to the Lord Tact. The Supreme Tribunal of the Utmost Holy Sanctified Court of the Church of Tact Operating in Stormwind and Silvermoon, Inc.* has determined that yours is particularly abhorrent, and that you must undergo penance for your sins. You are hereby ordered to stand before the Great Chalkboard of Tact in Silvermoon, and take the Holy Cleansing Utensil of Tact. Place it upon the board, and etch the scared words: "I will not offend the Lord Tact" 1,000 times.
This is your punishment, as determined by the Utmost Holy Sanctified Court of the Church of Tact Operating in Stormwind and Silvermoon, Inc.*
Hail Tact!
* The Utmost Holy Sanctified Court of the Church of Tact Operating in Stormwind and Silvermoon, Inc. is a for-prophet organization incorporated in the Stormwind Trade District and the Silvermoon High Fashion Terrace. The beliefs of the Church of Tact are in no way related to the stance of this very real and legal Binding Arbitration firm. The entire beliefs of the Church of Tact just happen to be this corporation's motto.
I humbly accept my new title, bow down before your god.
The dark turnip god shows his face, blood-children! Ready your snowballs! The Holy Scientists of Tact have determined that snowballs are at least a temporary relief in combating the pain of the heretical turnips. Further experimentation is ongoing, but you can be assured that snowballs will at least slow him down.
Hail Tact!
Hail Tact!