I know you love a good fire so I thought I’d tell you about this festival going on in Stormwind.
So there’s this unbroken guy, right? I can’t remember what his name is but he’s like a member of some Long-Leggedy cult or something. The Dirt Ring, or the Ring of Dirty, or The Dirty Ring. The Pook can’t remember how the pronounced it. Anyway, he says to me “I want you to kill the King of Airconditioning”. I can’t remember what it was exactly he said but that was the gist of it.
So the Pook is like, “a lot of people want me to kill a lot of kings and I really don’t see what’s in it for the Pook”.
And the dirt guy says “Well I’ll give you something if you stab the King of Airconditioning for me”, and again I’m paraphrasing here.
So the Pook, right? I’m like “okay, if it’s something really cool it might be worth stabbing a king”. And it’s like, an elemental king he wants the Pook to stab too so you know, they just go back to their elemental plane of existence when the Pook stabs them. It’s not like they go to the hole in the dirt plane of existence which is what happens to most people the Pook has to stab.
Maybe that’s what they were called The Dirt Hole. I don’t know they had some pretentious name which is what all these Long-Leggedy cults seem to have. It’s like never The Cult Of Beer and Back Rubs. It’s always something like “The Flaming Visage Of Dorngal Norp” or something.
Anyway, the Pook is getting off topic.
So the Dirt Hole guy says he’ll give me flowers and the Pook is like “you give me flowers if you want me to go on a date with you, now when you want me to stab a king for you”.
And the Dirt Hole guy he’s like “wait you didn’t let me finish. I know this guy who will trade you stuff for these flowers.”
And the Pook, the Pook is like “Okay what kind of stuff?”
And Dirt Hole is like “Have you ever wanted to make a really big fire?”
And the Pook is like “Do you have any idea how many time’s I’ve been stabbing something and asking myself if perhaps fire would be a more appropriate expression of what it was exactly it is the Pook is feeling at this particular moment in time.”
So Dirt Hole says “This guy will show you how to light a really big fire if you bring him enough of these flowers,” and long story short. The Pook stabbed the King of Airconditioning enough to learn how to make a really big fire.
I thought of you when I was doing it and I must of stabbed the King of Airconditioning a lot to get the fire starter because that elemental did not want to go back to the elemental plane of existence. Whatever problems he has waiting for him back home must be worse than getting stabbed by the Pook because I’ve been doing it every day now for like a week.
Anyway, I know how much you love a good fire Uncle Agee and you know the Pook loves you just as much so I figured you’d like to know the Pook can make a really big fire now. Like huge. You could fit an entire Long-Leggedy inside the fire the Pook can make now. Not that I would because that would be murder and murder is wrong. But I’m just saying. If I had to fit an entire Long-Leggedy inside a fire, like let’s say another Cosmic Space Giant came to Azeroth and was like “Hey! I’m gonna stab the planet again unless you immolate an entire Long-Leggedy” the Pook could totally prevent the planet from getting stabbed again.
But would they even be a Long-Leggedy to a Cosmic Space Giant? I mean once you get to the scale of a Cosmic Space Giant classifying people based on the length of their leggedies would probably seem pretty silly.
Anyway, my gummy has kicked in so I’ll have an extra large chicken ghostpepper burrito and a large chocolate milkshake.
I’ll give mom your love next time I see her but I probably won’t see her until it’s the holiday where Long-Leggedies and turkeys declare war on each other.
Love, Pook.