Constantly getting called rude?

Community General Discussion
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It seems to be a common theme no matter where I go, I constantly get called “rude” “toxic” “obnoxious” etc when I talk in party/instance/raid chat.

Some of the time I can accept it, but most of the time I am just trying to explain basic concepts.

“Just f’in die. We are wasting time. Let them reset.”
“Why didn’t you just die? Look how much time we wasted.”

“What no inc call?”
“An inc call doesn’t help when its done AS THEIR CAPPING”
“Inc calls with numbers please. 1 vs 5 vs 15 means a lot.”

“Why are you are pushing for a 4th base? Just hold the 3 we already hold.”

I can’t promise you this is how they are stated, but the general intent behind what I write. And just for trying to give basic instructions or advice I get called everything in the name of the book.

I’m sure it is in the way I am phrasing it.

In the first examples I can sort of accept the rudeness and toxicity on my part. But to be fair it was +9 Mythic Shrine of the Storm and a couple extra packs got pulled, and rather than die the priest healer decided to keep pulling back towards the entrance. I died three times before the rest of the team finally decided to stop respawning and they ran out.

As an aside, their response as to why they refused to to die “Food buffs are expensive bro.” So because they refused to just die, the rest of the team including myself took extra repair costs, and we wasted easily 3-4 minutes. Toxic of me some may say, but I dropped. Feel bad for person whose key it was, but for that just ticked me off. Got expletives thrown my way which I possibly most definitely deserve. Also got threats of reports, which I am 99% sure will result in nothing.

But I digress.
The other examples come from battle grounds where I am perfectly calm. Just perplexed by my allies inability to do what they need to be doing. There is generally no expletives so as to speak.

Maybe stating it as a question is viewed as rude? I’m sort of used to it, asking why someone isn’t doing what they are supposed to be doing as a way to call attention to what they should be is sort of part for the course growing up and in the work environment, but maybe saying it as a statement would be better?
Maybe it comes off as condescending?
And maybe people feel as though they are being singled out?

Looking for advice. Gets tiring getting called names just for trying to help people and give instructions. In general I get told that what I am saying is correct, but to shut up. But I’d rather speak up and give instructions, because genuinely people may not know.

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Maybe saying it differently might help.

In raid we say ‘wipe it up’

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I respect your need to want to help others improve. It feels that there are those who will take things the wrong way since people can’t interpret the difference when seeing a message and gravitate to it being negative criticism.

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Yes, almost all of your examples come across as obnoxious and condescending.

There’s a difference between “let them reset” and “just f’in die, we’re wasting time”.

There’s a difference between “we need to call incs” and “It doesn’t help when they’re ALREADY CAPPING”.

The last one about pushing for a 4th seems okay enough, although it should probably be “we” not “you”. But also it’s not always bad to push for a 4th. If pulled off it can mean securing a stronger lead.

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You might be rude, you might not be.

The reality is that people don’t like criticism in the game. They don’t want to hear about it when they do something stupid or wrong. So they will almost always say you are rude regardless of whether or not your are right.

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In BG’s I found turning chat off made them palatable, when I did call stuff out no one listened and when I didn’t well… yeah there is no pleasing anyone in a BG.

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A little tidbit I had to learn for myself in my real life interactions, if you have to ask yourself if what you’re saying is coming off as rude or condescending, there’s like a 90% chance that it is.

And yeah, most of your examples are. It’s something I have to actively pay attention to or else I’m a donkey without really noticing.

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To be blunt OP, yes. You’re rather rude. And I’m one known for my condescension and snark.

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Interesting. I can certainly see how your way of stating things would come off as less confrontational. A general statement of what to do in the future, rather than than singling someone out for wrong doing in the past.

I think its examples of the better way to phrase what I am trying to say is what I was looking for.

Guess my cultural/general experience has been pretty toxic, because the way I phrased things seems perfectly acceptable to me and doesn’t phase me. And the examples you gave never even came through my thought process.

Its a skill I will have to work on going forward. Thank you.

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In fairness, I do get the frustration, especially with the “let it reset” one. The vast majority of the time, if someone is kiting a pull the group just finished wiping to back to the spawn, it’s just going to cause more wipes and take more time.

You start with “just let it reset”, especially if it’s turned into a situation where a couple people are staying alive and people just keep trickling back only to die again, but if they continue to perpetuate the pull after the call for a reset, I get it. When people don’t listen to the general call, it makes sense to start singling them out.

No real need for any kind of followup afterward, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get the right person to pay attention sometimes.

But it’s not just whether you’re singling someone out or not either. It’s the “just f’ing die” bit. It gets your frustration across, but it doesn’t add anything to the message. Even if used generally, that’s the part that comes across as rude, whereas “We’re wasting time, let them reset” is a lot more neutral.

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Not necessarily. With my workmates at night I am pretty much talking the way you do, it would be rude to not be so frank.

In voice chat with my guildies we are the same.

But when we invite someone to raid/discord then we communicate differently because we don’t know who we are getting because it could be a kid or a 55 yr old grandmother.

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Your tone comes off too edgy and triggers people.

Try being a bit friendlier when giving instructions or criticism, throw in a smiley to lighten the tone or something.

Folks are just super tired of dealing with rude or abrasive players, you even accept that you are in fact sometimes rude, so when you admit that ‘yeah I’m rude sometimes when I get called out, but the others times I don’t think I’m being rude’

It makes you seem like you’re simply oblivious to how rude or abrasive you’re actually being.

I get you want to help and win etc, all great stuff but you gotta use more honey and sweeten that tone up my friend :honey_pot:

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While you could improve how you say things its also up to the person reading it and what sort of inflections they add. The same line of text can be read in many different “voices” and the mood of the reader towards you does influence a lot.

Some guild members throughout the years have said I type arrogantly/condescending so I will add in more emoji or just make sure everything i say comes off very soft… but for example a person who didn’t like me for one reason or another read it as amping up my aggression somehow!

I don’t think I would have ever been able to type anything to that individual without them taking it as elitist.

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I think its best if you pretend you are talking to coworkers at work. Basically, the goal is to keep that level of professionalism you have at work. If you go around swearing and berating people then you just create more negativity and the sitiation often gets out of hand. Just ask yourself if you would speak to your coworker or customers in this manner. Worst case scenario, people will just not respond at all and there is not much you can do about them. Best case, people respond and take care of the problem. Many times people do need a callout of some sort and if you call them out in a calm and professional manner then you will get better results.

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True.

Using the tone I use makes sense when interacting with people I know should know what I am questioning them on, but I guess it doesn’t really much sense to take such a tone with someone who might genuinely not know.

If I am genuinely trying to help someone who doesn’t know something, it makes sense to use a more neutral and less “familiar” tone. Guidance and advice without the added tone that implies I expect them to already know it.

I genuinely didn’t. As I said, personally I would not be offended by the tone I used. (How do I say this next part without coming off as condescending? I guess the answer is don’t?)

This will take a lot of thinking on my part >.>

You’ve clearly never worked where I worked, lol. But then again that is probably a huge statement on the level of professionalism going on in those places.

That part is more applicable. Two separate beasts in my mind. I would never even think to suggest a customer should know something. And I guess if you want to sell a strategy or an idea of doing something it makes the most sense to treat them as a customer for that strategy or idea rather than a coworker who already agreed to follow.

Interesting.

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No one appreciates unsolicited advice.

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People would genuinely rather lose due to ignorance? I understand the tone advice and guidance is given is often given in a rude and condescending way, but personally I’d rather be given that info than not.

Its certainly better than the usual “You are all idiots who don’t know how to play. Why do I always get paired with the crayon eaters.” that one see’s. Followed by them and another person comparing pvp ratings from 6 seasons ago.

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I think your usage of words is usually focused on blaming others. All things are like ‘why are you not doing this right?!!!’ If you want to give some instructions, just give some instructions. Don’t blame who made a mistake.
You can just say “Let’s wipe and try again. It’s faster.”
Or “We need sth sth sth. I’ll do this, anyone for that?”

Btw, you left M+9 just because they didn’t listen to you? And it’s not even your key?
Oooooo
That’s just not good you know.

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All of your quoted lines are quite excellent examples of how to be rude and obnoxious. You might want to phrase things a little differently there, champ.

Some people can’t separate the message from the tone. Try being a little more diplomatic and polite. Or at least, matter-of-fact.

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You’re probably not a psychopath, have human emotions, and feel empathy for others so you should be able to figure out why those examples you gave would make people think you’re jerk.

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